


Good Boy

by Graceunderstrain



Category: Descendants (2015)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, F/M, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Original Character Death(s), jaylos
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-12
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-04-20 10:10:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 59,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4783520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Graceunderstrain/pseuds/Graceunderstrain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes you don’t realize what you want until someone already has it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Kids can be so different from their parents, Jay thought. The saying about the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree forgets that nothing can grow in some other tree’s shadow- you have to get out in the sunshine and be your own person. Just look at his friends- Carlos, Evie, Mal, and even himself were living proof of that. A couple months away from the Evil Queen and Evie was a brilliant scientist and acing school. Unlike Maleficent, Mal spent most her spare time understanding other people’s points of view and helping out in community art classes. He had become trusting and was proud, rather than ashamed as Jafar had taught him, of his interdependence on others.

But by far Carlos was the best example of how getting out of your parent’s shadow could enhance someone- not that Carlos hadn’t been funny, fast, adorable, clever, and impish back on the Island. Carlos had been the first person Jay had ever trusted and he knew he could depend on Carlos through thick and thin. What had changed was Carlos’s confidence. Without Cruella, Carlos no longer had to glance behind his back nervously. He walked taller (though Jay was glad no actual height change had occurred) and actually met people’s eyes. He was really becoming quite courageous in the tourneys. 

Jay couldn’t help but see his best friend in a new light these days. He could quite understand it- sometimes he felt…off when he was with Carlos. His stomach would do strange things, he wouldn’t know what to say, and he felt a hell of a lot less confident than Carlos looked. That said, he wouldn’t change his friend for the world. Who would have thought Carlos could become even more… well, it was hard to give it a word it was more of a feeling. 

Before Jay could pick out the right word, he realized the students around him were scrapping their chairs back and heading out of literature class. He shoved his books into his backpack and headed to his locker. Hopefully Carlos’s class was on the same lecture as his- he had no idea what the teacher had said. If Carlos hadn’t taken any notes, Evie was sure to have done so, but he wouldn’t see her until after tourney practice. 

Carlos rounded the corner heading towards him and their adjacent lockers as Jay exited the classroom. The transformation was even clear in the smaller boy’s clothes- he had stopped covering himself up, having no bruises to hide anymore. The trademark red, black, and white was still there but Carlos looked less…trapped. Jay still wore his old outfits, now with heavy dose of team shirts and his sports jacket to liven it up. Jay wanted to reach out and tousle Carlos’s hair, but recently he had felt more and more awkward doing so. Jay glanced down for a second, unsure why. 

When he looked up, Carlos was hurtling towards him, clearly trying to take Jay off guard. Jay barely had time to brace himself for the impact, before they were on the floor. Carlos was on top of him tickling him. While trying to ward of the attack, their position reversed and suddenly Jay was on top of Carlos, his long hair reaching down towards his friend’s face. Carlos was laughing, which Jay always enjoyed, but suddenly he couldn’t look away from Carlos’s mouth and he wanted to lean in closer. The tussling had stopped and he felt stiff and unsure. Quickly, Jay picked himself up breathing unsteadily, hopefully from the exertion of the scuffle. He fumbled to open his locker to hide his face- which for some reason felt on fire. 

“How was lit?” asked Carlos as he entered his combination. “No clue, I wasn’t paying attention. Is the test tomorrow or next week?” 

There was no response. His face seemed cooler now, Jay poked his head around the locker door. Carlos was holding a red envelope, his mouth open in shock. Jay raised an eyebrow. Carlos flipped the envelope around so Jay could read the inscription, “From Your Secret Admirer.” 

Carlos looked excited. How was he supposed to react to that? Jokingly, Jay supposed. He made a grab for it. He secretly hoped this would lead to some more rough housing. Carlos spun around and began quickly breaking the gold seal on the envelope. Jay tried reaching around him to get at the note, which ended up falling to the floor.

“Stop fooling around guys! We’ve got to get to practice,” Ben yelled from further on down the hall. Jay put his foot on top of it just as Carlos bent to grab it. 

“Give it,” Carlos said, “It’s mine.” Suddenly angry, Jay pushed his foot done harder, “It probably wasn’t even meant for you. I’ll read it first so your feelings won’t get hurt.” 

“Just because all of the girls fawn over you, doesn’t mean somebody wouldn’t notice me.” Carlos was no longer trying to free the note, he was up and his eyes were staring right into Jay’s, “You are so full of yourself.” 

For some reason the intensity of Carlos’s glare was making his breath speed up. Jay felt hot again, and he kicked the note away, saying, “Hell what do I care?” 

Blood was rushing to his head so fast he could barely see. He pulled out his gym bag and slammed it shut, turning quickly and hurrying away from the awkwardness of it all. He needed to get to practice. Exercise would do him good. 

Behind him, Carlos picked up the note and opened it. It said, “If I could have you or three wishes, I’d pick you.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Nice practice, team,” Coach said. Boys began taking off their helmets and headed off the field. As Jay headed off to the lockers, Coach put a hand on his shoulder, “Can I talk to you for a minute, Jay?”

Jay nodded, still a little out of breath from his latest set of acrobatics on the field. In some ways, he had hoped practice wouldn’t end. He’d been out of line with Carlos earlier, but he couldn’t help being angry over that stupid note. If the note was a joke, he would hurt whoever tried to tease his friend. And if it was serious, there was no way that person was good enough for Carlos.

Coach gestured towards the bleachers. Once seated, Coach heaved a sigh, “How’s school going, Jay?”

“I’m working on the grades. Fairy Godmother is allowing me to an extra credit assignment in History and that’ll bring it up to the C I need.”

“Good. But that’s not exactly what I meant. No issues with any of your teachers? Classmates?”

“No.” Jay felt confused.

“Family alright?”

“Well, Coach. I’m not talking to my dad, but I think I’d call that a good thing. My friends are my real family.”

“Well, that’s probably for the best,” Coach chuckled but then seemed turned field. When I’ve seen you around school you’re acting different. And this afternoon it was affecting you in practice.”

“It’s nothing Coach. I promise I’ll give you my best.” Jay was horrified that whatever was messing him up right now was obvious to others. There was obvious concern in Coach’s eyes, but Jay didn’t want to face up to it.

“You’re sure?”

“It’s probably just the stress of school, like you were saying. I’ve got a lit test coming up.” Jay wanted out of this conversation now.

“Well take care of yourself. I’m here if you need me.”

Jay stood up and hurried off the field. He’d skip the shower and just head to Evie and Mal’s room. It would be a jerk move to ask Carlos for those lit notes, and honestly he wasn’t ready to see Carlos yet.

Evie and Mal’s door was cracked open when he got there. Through it he could hear the girls talking about the upcoming Masquerade Ball. Jay walked in without bothering to knock.

“That dress looks gorgeous. I’m liking the feathers,” he said referring to the indigo and dark blue ball gown on Evie’s mannequin.

“Gorgeous?” Evie said suspiciously. “You don’t use that word. What do you want?”

Carlos flashed her a grin. “Your lit notes.”

Evie sighed, “Fine but you should pay attention in class. You at least know when the test is?”

Carlos shrugged his shoulders.

“It’s tomorrow,” Mal flashed him a smirk that he recognized as a joke.

“It’s on Monday isn’t it?” he said.

“Not telling.” Mal pointedly rolled over on her bed. Evie nodded her head in agreement and picked up her needle.

“I’ll just ask Ben when he gets here.” Carlos plopped down on a desk chair and tilted it back. “I still get the notes right?”

“Look in the red binder behind you,” said Evie staring critically at the dress.

Jay fetched the notes and tried to interest himself in folk lore. A little while later, there was a knock on the door.

“Come in, Ben,” called Mal. “ How many times do I have tell you to stop being such a gentleman?”

“Sorry,” Ben entered. “Mal, can you make me some more bruise cream? I’m almost out.”

“You’ve got to keep my boyfriend safe on the tourney field,” Mal strode over to Ben as she looked over at Jay.

“Mal, he’s the reason I have bruises… But it’s only in the fun of the game, and I’d hate if Jay took it easy on me.” Ben added quickly so to fend off Mal’s annoyance.

Mal gave him a quick peck. I’ll make the potion right after school tomorrow.”

“Ben, when’s the lit test?”

“Monday,” he responded without hesitation.

Mal elbowed him, “You shouldn’t have told him.” She tugged Ben over to the bed and they sat down.

“That dress is going the whole room if you’re not careful,” said Ben eyeing Evie’s masterpiece. Upon seeing her glare, he backtracked, “but it looks nice. Don’t hurt me.”

They all laughed a little. “Are you going to go with someone?” asked Ben, trying to recover his dignity.

“Yes,” Evie said, “I asked Doug to go. As friends, of course.”

Even from across the room, Jay could make out Mal’s eye roll, but luckily Evie didn’t seem to notice. Everyone had just settled down to studying or sewing when the door burst open. There was Carlos, wearing Jay’s favorite expression on him, a sugar covered smile.

“Look what was on my desk” Carlos said indicating the mammoth sized treat in his hands.

Jay was unsure how he’d missed it before, since the palace-shaped thing was about half Carlos’s size. That smile could distract him from almost anything. The creation was made of dark brown pillars rising high off a platter. Each one was topped with a heavy dollop of white frosting. The pillars were surrounded by a dark brown wall, half eaten. Jay couldn’t help but smile with Carlos so excited, but his mood dropped as Carlos set down the treat. On the platter written in frosting was, “Sweets to my sweet. From Your Secret Admirer.”

“What kind of cake is that?” asked Evie standing up .

“I don’t know but it’s good,” said Carlos. “I already ate most of the castle walls. You guys can have some pillars.”

“Its gingerbread,” said Ben as everyone but Jay helped themselves to a pillar. Jay stomach was feeling queasy again; he was not in the mood for sweets or secret admirers.

“Gingerbread,” gasped Mal and Evie at the same time.

“I take it you’ve heard of it,” said Ben. “I always forget how many nice things you didn’t have on the Island.”

“Yeah,” said Mal. “The witch who made our contraband candy told all the children how she used to live in a house of gingerbread.”

“She was always talking about gingerbread,” said Evie. “She made it sound as if it were the best treat in the world.”

“It can’t be as good as chocolate,” Jay muttered.

Ben seemed focused on something else, “Contraband candy?”

“Yeah,” said Carlos between mouthfuls, “There were supposed to be no sweets on the Island. We didn’t deserve it or something. Just like the fresh fruits and vegetables. But the catch is most our food was canned. She boil the canned juice stuff the fruit came in down into hard candy. Mostly lollipops.”

“But she only liked to give them out to little children,” Mal interjected. “You had to steal ‘em when you got older.”

“Jay was the best at that,” Carlos said smiling at Jay. Jay looked down, heat rising to his cheeks. Luckily no one seemed to notice.

There was a rap on the door.

“Curfew time,” sighed Mal. The boys stood up to leave, Ben giving Mal a quick kiss, as Carlos gathered up the remains of the gingerbread castle.

The teacher watched them as the boys exited the girls’ side of the dormitory. As they reached the boys’ wing, Jay suddenly started to dread being alone in the room with Carlos and that stupid secret admirer’s gifts.

“I was wondering if you guys could help me ask Mal out to the Masquerade?” said Ben.

“Aren’t you already going together?”

“Yeah, Carlos. It’s just romantic,” explained Ben. “I’m thinking of doing a song and dance. I was hoping you guys could make sure she’s by my dad’s statue at four tomorrow.”

“Sure thing,” said Carols. Jay nodded along in agreement. He had been sort of looking forward to going to the dance- playing pranks on people with Carlos, but now he was feeling on uneasy. Ben thanked them and headed into his room. It was only a few steps until their room. Jay still wasn’t sure how to address the whole awkwardness earlier that day. Luckily, Carlos was absorbed in eating the gingerbread.

Instead of their normal joking around, the boys both got ready for bed wrapped in thought. Carlos fell asleep that night trying to figure out who his secret admirer was. Jay was thinking about the same thing too when sleep finally came.


	3. Chapter 3

Jay woke up happy; he must have had good dreams. He sat up, looking across the room to the bed on the other side. In it, he could make out the shock of white tipped hair amongst a jumble of blankets. Cuddled up right next to Carlos was Dude, the school’s pet- well, until recently, now it was mostly just Carlos’s. Carlos looked exactly how Jay imagined Puck did in that story for lit class- mischievous and otherworldly. He wished he could cuddle with him like Dude was, but it was time to go running. He got into some exercise clothes, and exited the room, stealing one last look at Carlos as he left.

While he ran, Jay turned his thoughts once more to the secret admirer situation. Two gifts in one day seemed a bit much for a prank, so whoever it was must be serious. This thought made him angry and he ran faster. Before he knew it, his three mile circuit around the school was over. The tower clock hadn’t even rung yet, quite possibly making it his fastest time ever.

As he entered the dormitory, he loosened his hair and shook it out.

“Hey there, you need a drink.”

Jay flinched as someone touched him. He spun around to find some blonde girl standing there with a glass of water. He just stared at her.

“You remember me right, Jay,” she said shoving the water towards him.

“Umm…” he said taking a gulp of the water to stall.

“Punzie, silly,” she was touching him again. He moved away. This did not seem to bother her much. “So… I was wondering if you had already asked someone to the Masquerade.”

She gave him an expectant look. Jay stared at her. He had no interest in asking any girl to the dance.

“Because I don’t have any one to go with…” her voice took on a wheedling tone, “But there is a hot guy on the tourney team I have my eye on.”

In an instant it came together for Jay- here was the damn secret admirer. He shoved the glass rudely into her hand.

“I don’t think Carlos is interested in you,” he said roughly.

“Are you jealous that I might like him,” Punzie seemed rather pleased by this idea. “Because I’m more interested in his friend.”

Again with the touching, he thought as he shook her off. “Ben is already dating Mal. I think you’d know that.”

“No, silly,” Punzie said, “his best friend.”

Hell, she means me, Jay thought.

“Why don’t you think on it,” she swished up the stairs.

Jay waited until he was sure she was gone to head up to his room. He bent down to untie his key from his laces. As he stood up he noticed some weird scratches on the latch. So that’s how the secret admirer got in last night, he thought. He fit his key in and opened the door. Dude jumped off the bed to greet him, Carlos was still asleep. Jay decided the best way to wake him up would be to tackle him. Then, he saw that there was a platter of dog-shaped chocolates on Carlos’s bed side table and a note.

Jay found it distinctly creepy that someone had been in here while his friend was asleep. He felt very protective of his friend, Carlos was altogether too good for, well, the world.

“What kind of guard dog are you?” he asked Dude.

Dude wagged his tail. Jay strode over to Carlos to check that no one had hurt Carlos in his sleep. Carlos looked fine, still tangled up in his bed sheets. Jay decided that it would be best to get rid of the stupid chocolates. People who snuck into rooms were unsuitable for his best friend.

He carefully lifted the plate up and began backing slowly away from the bed. Suddenly Dude started doing a faint woofing sound. Jay paused hoping that Dude wouldn’t start full on barking. Carlos stirred. Jay took another step back. The floor board creaked. Jay stirred again and Dude started barking. Carlos opened one eye to see Jay standing just about a foot away from him holding a plate of chocolates with a bright red note sticking out of the center. Jay seemed immobile.

“Jay? What are you doing?” Carlos said groggily.

“Umm… not, uh, stealing these chocolates, yeah, I was just…” Jay didn’t know what to say.

“Are those from my secret admirer?” said Carlos sitting up. He looked so happy; Jay felt bad for having tried to take them away. What kind of friend was he?

“Yeah,” he said handing them to Carlos. He looked at the ground. “I was supposed to deliver them to you.”

“Oh.” Jay could not place the sound in Carlos’s voice.

“Man, you’re so lucky,” Jay said. He felt terrible for the way he had been treating his friend, “I’m sorry about what I said yesterday.”

“So you know who it is?”

Jay answered smoothly, “Yeah, but I was sworn to secrecy.”

“And it’s not you?”

“No,” Jay couldn’t lie about that. He shouldn’t have sounded so disappointed when he said that! What would Carlos think? “Of course not, you knuckle head.” He tried to sound as happy as possible, “Why don’t you try some chocolate?”

Carlos stuffed a piece of chocolate in his mouth and made a happy noise that Jay could only describe as adorable. Then Carlos opened the card. From Jay’s position above the bed it was easy to read the inscription on the card.

It said, “Who’s a good boy? Carlos is! –Your Secret Admirer.”

The school day was over before Jay knew it. What had happened besides Carlos accumulating notes in the three classes they had shared, Jay was not quite sure. Somebody had way too much freakin’ free time on their hands, he thought bitterly. Honestly, he was pretty sure Carlos had got one in every class, but he didn’t want to ask. Plus Evie and Mal were talking about it more than enough about it, he had nothing to contribute.

“Come on, let’s go make the stuff for your boyfriend,” Carlos said quietly, so the Fairy Godmother wouldn’t overhear him. None of them were quite sure how she felt about Mal’s spell book. Not good it seemed;as they had only moved from Remedial Goodness to Introduction to Goodness, a class only the four of them had to take.

The four headed out of the classroom toward the student kitchen. Jay realized that Carlos was probably urging them to get started right away because of their promise to Ben. The cream was simple in ingredients, but required almost thirty minutes of counterclockwise stirring. Jay knew he’d be doing a majority of that stirring.

The cream was set with ten minutes to go until four. Carlos gave Jay a look, it was time to make sure Mal got to the Beast’s statue in time.

“Why don’t we all get Dude and take him for a walk?” Carlos suggested.

They all agreed and were headed towards the Beast statue with Dude leading the way just a few minutes before four. As the approached, the area seemed empty, but then Ben stepped out from behind the statue. Then the entire marching band and dance team came out from the bushes. As Ben broke out into song, Mal looked only a little bit embarrassed, Evie looked delighted, and Carlos started bobbing his head along to the beat. While Jay didn’t catch all the lyrics to the song but he got the chorus “Girl, you put the color in my world.” At the end, a concealed banner fell from the statues mouth asking Mal to the Masquerade. Mal looked as happy as Carlos had all day. Jay felt a trickle of fear inside him. Was Carlos falling in love with someone without even knowing who it was? How was he supposed to compete with that?


	4. Chapter 4

Usually Jay did not want the weekend to end, but this weekend he felt it so with a particular passion. On Friday evening, he and Carlos had returned to a room full of water lilies and a note saying that annoying secret admirer would miss Carlos this weekend. Of course the note hadn’t said annoying, that was just how Jay felt about the whole situation. The secret admirer-less the weekend had been awesome- video games, exercise, horseplay, and even the fitting for their suits for the Masquerade had gone well. Jay had managed to convince Carlos that they both should go sleeveless, though Carlos was still in signature shorts while Jay had opted for pants and leather boots. When he had looked in the mirror at both of them, he had not only thought that Evie had done an excellent job of showing both sides of Carlos (spunky and sweet) but that they also looked coordinated- almost like they were a pair. Jay was surprised how pleased he was at the fact they looked like two parts of the same whole- usually he didn’t care much for fashion. Thankfully, his outfit was nowhere near as complicated as Evie’s with its feathered neckpiece and voluminous skirt or Mal’s which just had to be heavy with all those rhinestones on it. Not that those dresses weren’t nice- he just liked comfortable.

Speaking of comfortable, nothing could beat watching TV on the bed with Carlos, like they were now. For one it was much better than sitting on the floors or their wooden chairs and for two it meant Carlos could be right next to him. In fact, Carlos’ legs were stretched out across his lap. He was such a tiny guy that his whole body weighed practically nothing. While Jay was not a big fan of body contact in non-athletic situations, Carlos was the one major exception to this rule. With Carlos by his side (or in his lap), Jay felt warm and safe. Well, until recently- now his body sometimes kicked into overdrive when Carlos was around. Jay decided this probably had to with the fact that they were in an new environment- this had never happened on the Island. Or he wasn’t exercising enough.

Jay’s thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. They had already gone to dinner with Evie and Mal; who could it possibly be? Jay was too comfortable to get up.

“Come on in, Ben, it’s unlocked,” he yelled. No response. He moved Carlos’s legs off his lap- if it wasn’t one of their friends, whoever it is would probably think that it was weird for him to sit like that.

“Whoever it is, just come in,” Carlos yelled. He hadn’t protested to the moving of his legs, he had just shifted himself so his head was on Carlos’s shoulders. Still no response.

“I’ll get it,” said Jay. He went over to the door and looked out. There was no one there. He looked down to see a red envelope and …a carpet? Of all the gifts Carlos had gotten so far, this one was by far the weirdest. “It’s for you, Carlos.”

Carlos jumped out of bed, Jay felt his stomach twist at his friend’s excitement. Carlos bounded over to the door and ripped open the note. Jay knew that reading it would only make him feel worse, but he read it over Carlos shoulder anyways. “Your smile has opened a whole new world for me. From Your Secret Admirer”

Carlos picked up the carpet and examined it. “I would have preferred more sweets,” he admitted. Jay laughed. Carlos continued, “…because then I could share them with you.” He looked at Jay with one of the expressions that seemed to shut Jay’s entire body down. When he came back to reality, Carlos was still talking, “..put in the middle of the room so we both can use it.”

Carlos proceeded to do so. He looked up at Jay, “I really wanna know who it is, Jay. Can you give me one little hint?”

Jay looked at him blankly, then he remembered the lie about the chocolates. “No, I’m not gonna break a promise.”

Carlos gave him a pleading look that normally would have made Jay concede. Of course in this case, he had as little clue as to who the secret admirer was as Carlos did.

“I would if I could, man,” Jay said backing up. Carlos was approaching him with an expression that suggested tussling or tickling was in their immediate future.

Carlos attempted to tackle him. Jay didn’t budge. He picked up Carlos and swung him over his shoulder.

“Is it a girl?” Carlos asked as he tried to wiggle out of Jay’s grasp.

“Not telling,” said Jay desperately trying to keep a grip on the smaller boy. Carlos managed to flip himself off Jay’s back. Jay turned around and pinned him to the floor.

“Is it boy?” asked Carlos.

Jay felt his breath speed up, “Would it matter if it was?”

“Of course not,” said Carlos, who suddenly found Jay’s grip had loosened and quickly returned to his feet. “It just matters what kind of person they are.”

The only thing in the world seemed to be Carlo’s face ant the very loud sound in Jay’s ears. He realized it was his heart.

“Are you getting old Jay?” said Carlos slapping Jay on the back, “Normally you don’t wear out this fast.”

Jay felt like he was in a daze. “Umm… no…it’s just that…”

“Do you wanna go back to watching TV?”

Being in bed with Carlos suddenly sounded like the worst idea in the world. “No, I, uh, need to keep studying for that lit test. Feel free to keep watching by yourself.”

“Ok,” said Carlos. Jay was thankful he seemed unaware of Jay’s behavior, “I’ll put headphones on.”

Jay sat at his desk a book out and notes behind him. He didn’t see any of it. His thoughts were swirling around one topic- Carlos. He’d always seen Carlos as an innocent in these things. He’d never seemed attracted to anyone before. With the secret admirer situation, Jay had just assumed it was a girl. But what if it was a guy? Why did that seem to make things worse?


	5. Chapter 5

“I think I’m going to write back,” said Carlos.

“To your secret admirer?” said Evie.

Jay had a headache. Right now all his friends seemed to be able to talk about was the Secret Admirer and the Masquerade. 

“How are you gonna write back, when you don’t even know who it is?” asked Mal.

“I was thinking I’d just leave a note in my room,” Carlos said.

Jay couldn’t believe no one else seemed to find that someone sneaking around their room was downright creepy. He was trying to stay out of it, for fear of his temper. He couldn’t seem to control it recently. The gang headed into to Introduction to Goodness. On the table, Jay could already make out the red envelope. Carlos rushed over and opened it up. Evie came over with a grin on her face.

“Isn’t it fun to see Carlos so excited,” Mal said Jay.

“Yeah, I guess,” said Jay. The fact that all this made him angry only made him feel worse.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were jealous.” Something in Mal’s words fit his feeling- it wasn’t quite anger, was it jealousy? Mal continued, “of all the attention Carlos is getting. Don’t worry. Most the girls on campus still have a thing for you. In fact, that girl whose always wearing purple and pink wanted me to see if you were interested in asking her out to the dance.”

Jay sighed. Evie had overheard them, “Mal, Punzie said to ask subtly. That was not subtle.”

Before the conversation could go any further, Fairy Godmother entered the room. They quickly took their seats as she began to write on the board. When she turned around there was one word scrawled on the board, “Honesty.”

Fairy Godmother gave them one of her signature smiles. “Today the virtue we are going to focus on is honesty. Can anyone tell me what honesty is?”

All four hands shot into the air. They all tried to participate as much as possible in Introduction to Goodness in hopes they could eventually be excused from this class. The Fairy Godmother indicated that Jay should answer.

“It means not lying.”

“Good,” said the Fairy Godmother, “but it means a lot more than that can anyone explain why? Evie?”

“Well, you can still not be honest simply by withholding information. Or twisting something so you don’t actually lie but it sounds like the opposite of what you’re saying.”

“But we shouldn’t always say what’s on our minds,” Carlos said. “We could hurt someone’s feelings. Or, like, maybe by saying how we feel, you could end up guilt-tripping someone into something.”

“Good point, Carlos. What would you say to that Mal?”

“Well, our parents only used their feelings to manipulate us so I think Carlos has a point. But maybe if its good feelings like love or something?”

“Yeah, but you don’t want to force your affection on someone else,” Carlos responded.

Fairy Godmother nodded, “This is a complicated issue. I want you all to journal about honesty, what it means to you, and how you deal with being honest but not manipulative about your feelings. Please take out your goodness journals. I’ll give you fifteen minutes.”

The Fairy Godmother set the timer as they all took out their journals. Jay was pretty sure he was the only one in their tiny class who did not really enjoy the journaling. Evie was already scribbling away. Mal usually had accompanying drawing, which the Fairy Godmother said any of them could do if they wanted. Jay had to admit honesty was not a strong suit for him. He usually regarded it as a precious commodity- he wouldn’t give it to anyone just his close friends. He’d been brought up to lie, steal, and wheedle his way into getting what he wanted.

He wrote down, “Honesty is..” and already felt stuck. Recently, he couldn’t even be honest with his best friend for fear of losing him. How did you tell someone you think the first person to show an interest them is creepy as hell? How do you tell someone that you feel uncomfortable around him all of a sudden? That you are both terrified and longing for his eye contact, his touch, and his attention? That you want him all to yourself?

He glanced over at Carlos’s journal. He was starting on his second paragraph. The page was littered with Cruella’s name. (Carlos did not like referring to her as his mother.) Carlos seemed not to be writing about honesty at all, but more about all the ways Cruella had manipulated his emotions and that he had never been sure when she was being honest or not. One line stuck out to Jay, “Right before I left the Island, Cruella told me she loved me. It was the first time she’d ever said that to me. I wanted to believe it was true, but even if she felt or feels a tiny fraction of love for me, she only uses it to make sure I stay loyal to her. She was scared I’d stop being her little obedient boy once I left the Island. She used her love (if it even was that) to keep me on a leash.”

Jay turned back to his own paper. Wasn’t he being like Cruella? Was his protectiveness just a screen for some dark ulterior motive? Hadn’t he just been thinking about keeping Carlos to himself? There was no way to say that was any different than what Cruella had tried to do to Carlos. And, worse still, wasn’t he being just as greedy as his father had raised him to be? While all the rest of friends had grown, was he still in his father’s shadow with a shadowed heart?He did not deserve Carlos and keeping his feelings inside was the only way to be halfway worthy of his friend.

“Two minutes to wrap up your thoughts!” said the Fairy Godmother, looking up from her desk where she was stuffing envelopes.

Jay looked desperately at his paper and completed the sentence, “Honesty is ok unless it is about my feelings. Those I should keep to myself until I become a better person.” What if the Fairy Godmother read this? He scratched it out and wrote, “Honesty is telling the truth but also putting other people first. You do not use honesty to get your own way.” That was better.

“Ok, let’s put those journals away,” the Fairy Godmother said cheerfully. She flipped the board over. It read “Honest Communication” and underneath that were bullet points like, “Use “I” statements and acknowledge what the other person is saying. The Fairy Godmother discussed these concepts for several minutes, while they all took notes (the better behaved, the sooner they’d be out of this class).

“Now let’s put it into practice by doing a little role-playing,” said the Fairy Godmother grabbing a bowl. “In here are envelopes with different scenarios on them. Inside are two piece of paper, one for each partner. You will act out the situation described using our principles of honest communication to bring up whatever secret is on your paper. Try to really get into character- don’t tell us what the situation is or just blurt out the secret. These situations are supposed to have conflict in them, to simulate real life. Evie, Carlos you’re first. Why don’t you pick Carlos?”

She offered the bowl to Carlos who pulled out an envelope. He and Evie read the front together, and then each pulled a paper from inside. A few minutes later they were engaged in the scene; Carlos had gotten onto the team and Evie hadn’t. While Jay had once looked down on kindness, he couldn’t help but appreciate how good Carlos was at it. He was a natural at comforting Evie, who seemed truly distraught as she was a natural at acting. Carlos was meant to be here happy in Auradon because he was good; but Jay knew he was still a greedy villain under it all. Before he knew it, Jay was called up to do a scene with Mal. She drew the envelope and Jay pulled out a slip of paper. Apparently he was a stressed teacher who wanted to leave on time. It soon became clear to him Mal was a student who wanted some extra help after class. This situation was infinitely easier than his own feelings with Carlos, and Jay pretended to find a different day in which to tutor her. Apparently, Fairy Godmother was satisfied because he was back in his seat and Evie was up pulling an envelope for her and Mal. That meant he and Carlos would be next. He tried to calm himself, horrified to realize how excited he was to interact with his friend. Mal and Evie were doing a scene of best friends running for the same position on ASB. Then they were back in their seats.

“Jay, Carlos!,” called the Fairy godmother, “Your turn to pick, Jay.”

He pulled out the envelope. He read the scenario on the front it said “You are dating.” Carlos was straining to read it from his position of inferior height. Jay tried to return the envelope to Fairy Godmother.

“Please let me pick another one,” he begged. As if being a creepy possessive friend wasn’t enough, he was not going to pretend to date Carlos.

“It’s just pretend. It’ll be good for you,” Fairy Godmother seemed unsympathetic.

Carlos managed to catch hold of the envelope.

“Come on- we want to pass the class,” he said. He turned the envelope over and Jay watched Carlos carefully. Carlos seemed expressionless. He pulled out a slip of paper and handed the other folded one to Jay.

With a great deal of trepidation, Jay opened the paper. On it was written, “You want to break up. You do not think the other person is taking the relationship seriously.”

Great, thought Jay, even the piece of paper knows what a jerk I am. Only a self-absorbed idiot would break up with someone like Carlos. Or the paper knew that he did not deserve someone like Carlos. He crumpled the paper with his fist. He looked over at Carlos who looked as expressionless as before.

“Ok,” said Fairy Godmother, “begin scene!”

“Hold me,” whispered Carlos. He draped his arms around Jay’s neck, only managing to do so by standing on his tip-toes. Jay felt his arms automatically go to Carlos’s waist. He had been wrong on which of his friend’s was the best actor. He hoped that it was only heat and not color rising to his face. Carlos raised his voice to acting level, “Today’s a special day isn’t it?”

Jay was already nervous and his card had given him no information on this. “Uh, umm…” Be honest, the thought somehow appeared in the haze of his mind, “I have no idea what day it is.”

“It’s our second anniversary, Jay,” Carlos said looking up at him with big eyes.

Jay knew that somewhere out there was Mal and Evie and the Fairy Godmother. But it was like he was in a different world, in a dream. A dream that was simultaneously a nightmare and the best dream he’d ever had. The way Carlos was looking at him, he felt special and like he actually could be as good as Carlos was. With Carlos against, he felt warm and tingly all over. His heart was racing but it felt good because Carlos wanted him.

“I’m feeling sad because today was an important day to me. How do you feel?” continued Carlos.

That brought Jay back to reality. This was a skit, Carlos was following the principles of honest communication. What kind of creep was Jay- Carlos didn’t actually want him. Jay was enjoying this, and even though he knew it was fake- one part of Jay wanted to make sure that this moment would never end. He was taking advantage of Carlos. He might be a terrible person, but he could be good enough to get out of being a manipulative creep right now.

“I can’t do this,” Jay said shoving Carlos away. He was so angry at himself and this stupid class. He headed back to his seat. He stared at the desk unable to make eye contact with anyone.

“That was harsh,” Mal said.

“Well,” the Fairy Godmother seemed less cheerful than usual, “that was not the best example of honest communication.”

“What where you supposed to be doing?” asked Evie.

“Breaking up,” Jay could barely say it.

“Remind me to never date you.” Jay knew Mal was joking but it still hurt. He was clearly too possessive to be allowed near anyone.

He snuck a glance up. Carlos seemed frozen in place with a horrified look on his face.Carlos must have seen inside Jay’s head. Jay had scared him, just like Cruella always had. Jay left the class without waiting for class to dismiss.


	6. Chapter 6

Jay had exercised himself into exhaustion. Besides tourney practice, he had run and done weights, push-ups, and pull-ups until every part of him felt on fire. He had skipped dinner for fear of seeing his friends. Unfortunately, despite all of that physical out-put his brain would not shut down. He couldn’t get the thought of Carlos pressed up against him out of his head. The tower clock had chimed ten- curfew time- almost two hours ago. But Jay had spent his life as a thief, so it was easy to evade the campus’s two security guards. Carlos was usually in bed by eleven, so Jay should be able to sneak in now.

He carefully crept up the stairs and along the dimly lit corridor, but as he approached his door a crack of light shone through. Was Carlos still awake? Jay heard a sound behind him, and turned to see Ben walking down the hall from the bathroom.

“Jay,” he said cheerfully, “I didn’t see you tonight at dinner or at Mal’s. I know Carlos saved some dinner for you.”

Carlos was always looking out for him. But was he looking out for Carlos? Or just for his own selfish interests?

“Mal said you didn’t do so great in Intro to Goodness today. Don’t be so rough on yourself. We’re all human. I told her not to worry that you just needed some time yourself. But she’ll curse me if I don’t see you safely to your room.”

“Uh, thanks man. I don’t need an escort,” Jay didn’t want Ben around more than anyone else.

“I’ll watch from here.” Ben was a king he didn’t take no for answer, but he would compromise.

Jay sighed and headed to his room. He opened the door cautiously-maybe Carlos had just fallen asleep with the light on.

He glanced around the room. On his desk was a plate of spaghetti, neatly laid out with a napkin, fork, knife, and glass of water. On Carlos’s nightstand, there was new platter of chocolate cookies. They looked untouched, the red envelope still rising from the center. On the bed was Carlos, who seemed to be brushing tears away from his face. A science book lay on his lap.

What the hell had Jay done? He hated to see Carlos cry and was proud of the fact that he was the one who could always cheer him up again. To the best of his knowledge, he had never made Carlos cry until know. Finding out your best friend was a jealous, self-absorbed, selfish idiot would do that to a person, Jay thought as he shut the door.

“Jay,” Carlos’s voice sounded tight and strained. Jay knew that voice- Carlos was afraid, “I wanted to say I am sorry for earlier. I should have known you would be uncomfortable with that scene. I shouldn’t have forced you to do that.”

Jay was shocked- Carlos was blaming himself for something that was clearly Jay’s fault. The reason was obvious- without even meaning to he had begun to play the same sort of twisted mind games Cruella had- leaving Carlos alone for hours to agonize over what he had done wrong, when he hadn’t done anything wrong. While Jay had not left him in a closet, it was so obvious Jay was still rotten at his core. Bad people make good people think things are their fault when it was really the villains fault all along. Worse still, Jay didn’t want to admit his fault. He wanted Carlos to keep on liking him.

“You didn’t force me to do anything,” said Jay. He was such a coward- he was not lying, but he was also withholding the truth.

Carlos looked a little less distressed, “But you were uncomfortable?”

Jay thought of the way he had felt. It had not been uncomfortable- it had felt good. But it was one of those situations that Fairy Godmother talked about- just because he liked it, didn’t make it good. He couldn’t leave Carlos feeling like it was his fault, though.

“Uh, yeah. A little,” he started. Carlos’s face fell. Blame yourself you idiot, Jay thought desperately, “but that was because of the situation, not you.”

“What do you mean the situation?” Carlos still seemed upset.

Jay didn’t want to give too much away. Keep it simple, he thought. “I don’t like pretending. You know how bad I am at acting. I just felt stupid.”

There, he thought satisfied; the blame was squarely on him now. Even though that was the opposite of what was true- he hadn’t been pretending and that was the whole problem. Carlos did not look happy yet.

“But we’re still friends, man, right?” Jay put on his biggest smile. He would be a better friend starting now, “What’d you get from your secret admirer?”

He walked towards the plate and looked at it more carefully. On it were monkey-shaped chocolate dipped cookies. He plucked out the red envelope and handed it to Carlos. He tried to think of what Evie would say.

“It’s so exciting Carlos. I’m glad you have a secret admirer.”

Carlos seemed happier. He opened the envelope.

“What’s it say?” Jay did his best imitation of Evie’s tone about such things.

Carlos blushed, “It says- You have a nice butt.”

Inwardly, Jay found himself automatically agreeing with the statement. However, that would hardly be the appropriate thing to do. “How romantic?” he ventured a guess as to how Evie would respond to that comment- time to move on to a less awkward topic. “You should try a cookie!”

Soon they were both munching on cookies and Jay felt almost like it was old times. Except he wouldn’t let himself sit on Carlos’s bed. A part of him was still thinking about Carlos and a particular body part.

“Do you think I should do it?” Carlos said between munches, “Write back?”

The selfish side of Jay wanted to say no but he was not going to let it win, “Yeah, totally. Do it now and leave it on your nightstand. I bet your secret admirer will answer it tomorrow.”

Jay kept a smile on his face as Carlos fetched a paper and wrote “Secret admirer, When do we get to meet? Who are you?” He signed it with a smiley face and his name. Then he left it on his bedside.

“Aren’t you hungry for dinner?” said Carlos indicating the spaghetti. “I can go heat it up in the hall microwave if you want.”

Actually, Jay was feeling sick to his stomach. “Nah, I’m not hungry.”

Carlos yawned, “Ok. Well, I’m sleepy.”

Carlos snuggled up to his pillow. He looked so adorable, thought Jay. He wanted to touch Carlos’s hair so badly, but he resisted the temptation.

“Good night,” Jay said turning off the light. In the dark he remembered one thing,” I’m sorry I left you alone this evening. That was a jerk move.”

“It’s ok,” Carlos voice floated out in the darkness, “You’re not a jerk; you’re my best friend.”

I’ll try to be that, Jay promised himself.


	7. Chapter 7

Jay was relieved to get to his science class with Doc because it meant no notes in red envelopes, no need to smile, and no resisting the temptation to touch Carlos. He could finally relax. Being good was difficult, Jay thought, ashamed at this further proof of how bad he was. Yet he still held onto the hope that as long as he kept trying, he might slowly be able to change himself. Someday he’d stop being an over-possessive, selfish fool. Even now, he still felt a twinge of jealousy over having to share his friend with this secret admirer. It would be better once he knew who it was, Jay assured himself. What if Carlos actually started dating that person? Jay felt a deep pain inside himself at that thought. He didn’t want that to happen. Stop it, he told himself sternly, you have no right to keep Carlos all to yourself. If Carlos wants to date, he deserves to be happy. Last night, Jay had made it abundantly clear that he could not make Carlos happy. But he would get better.

“Time to pair up for your mineral identification lab,” said Doc interrupting Jay’s berating of himself. He glanced around, none of the gang were in this easy of a science class. Maybe he’d pick someone on the tourney team. Suddenly his vision was filled with purple and pink. He glanced up, there was Punzie beaming at him.

“Can I be your partner,” she said. Without waiting for an answer she scooted into the seat next to him.

“Sure,” said Jake. Hopefully, she had some clue on how to conduct the lab. He hadn’t been listening.

“How about I also be your partner tomorrow?” Punzie said.

“Is it a two-day lab?” he asked.

“Yes, but I didn’t mean that,” she giggled, “You are so silly Jay. Did you forget about the dance tomorrow?”

“No,” Jay had not. In fact, he had spent the night dreaming about being pressed up against Carlos at that dance.

“So, are you going to the Masquerade with someone else?” Punzie looked disappointed.

Jay realized she wanted to go with him. Great, he was going to hurt someone else in less than 24 hours after abandoning Carlos.

“Punzie, I’m sorry, I can’t go with you,” Jay tried to say as gently as possible.

“What are you talking about?” Punzie began furiously grinding a piece of mineral into the streak plate.

“One streak is all you need,” Doc was headed over to them. Punzie set down the mineral. She began to fill out the chart with precise handwriting. Doc moved on. Punzie picked up a flat, dark, shiny mineral and began to cleave it into sheets.

“Umm, I think Doc said to only do that once,” Jay said. Was this what he was like when he didn’t get his way? No, at least Punzie was taking it out on inanimate objects not other human beings that you supposedly cared about. Jay wanted brood on his own problems, but a good person would try to make it right with Punzie.

“I promised Carlos that we’d both go stag together,” Jay said desperately concocting a lie, “But I do want to see you there.”

“We’ll dance together?” Punzie said setting down the mineral which now looked like it had been sliced into thin sheets.

“Sure,” Jay said. He then added in a smile just for good measure.

“Ok,” Punzie said. “Let me help you fill out your lab sheet.”

That had been easy thought Jay. Now only if everything else would turn out right.

* * *

 

There was no tourney practice after school today, and Evie had decided to accompany Jay and Carlos back to their room to witness the opening of the anticipated note from the secret admirer. While Evie had all their outfits ready to go, Mal was still desperately painting their masks. Carlos supposed he should have felt guilty about his lack of participation in the pre-Masquerade preparations, but he had greater flaws to focus on first. Like to stop hoping that the secret admirer had decided to not pursue Carlos any further. I will just imitate whatever Evie does, Jay promised himself.

“I’m kinda nervous,” Carlos said.

“I got your back,” Jay responded back automatically. Just as automatically, he gave Carlos a friendly shove on the back. Carlos grinned up at him. Jay realized that he hadn’t touched Carlos since yesterday. While he certainly was used to doing it more often, he congratulated himself on his improvement- this was much more in the healthy-best-friend-mode. He shuddered at a sudden memory. His father had always put his hand on Jay’s shoulder or back when he had wanted something. While it had always been friendly, it had also always seemed distinctively manipulative. When he was little, Jay had remember that firm grip not letting go until he had agreed to whatever Jafar had wanted. I take after my father more than I should, thought Jay grimly.

Carlos had the door open. Inside, there were no elaborate confectionary displays. On Carlos’s night stand was a red envelope.

“Go open it,” said Evie clapping her hands.

Carlos ran over and opened the envelope with shaky hands. He stared at it for what seemed like an eternity.

“What’s it say?” Evie seemed unable to contain herself. Jay hoped his expression looked somewhere in the vicinity of excited.

“All will be revealed at the Masquerade. No more notes until then. Will you dance with me? I will be wearing a tiger mask,” Carlos read in a shaky voice.

Jay had thought it’d all be over and they’d know who the mystery person was but it seemed that they would have to wait one more day. He was not looking forward to tomorrow evening at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you the kudos and the comments. So fun! Bonus points if you know what type mineral Punzie was breaking up.


	8. Chapter 8

ay’s emotions seemed to have taken a holiday along with all his worries. He had glided through today so far with now of the tumultuous thoughts of the last week. It seemed he had even paid attention in class- while Jay was having trouble remembering the details of the day- he had line after line of notes in his binder. Honestly, he was surprised the notes had even made it into the binder. And here was on a Friday night, actually reading a school book. At his rate, he would be able to complete the extra credit assignment for history. 

Evie opened the door, “How are you not getting dressed yet? Where is Carlos?”

Jay looked up at Evie, who was still out in the hallway. Her skirt was too large to comfortably fit through the doorframe. Evie’s face was framed by her feather neckpiece, and her hair was coiled atop her head in complicated patterns.

“I’ll get dressed now,” Jay said. “I’m not sure where Carlos is.”

“Really,” Evie raised a skeptical eyebrow, “You always keep an eye on Carlos.”

Jay shrugged. It felt great not to be worried, but it also felt weird to not even feel like teasing Evie for the fact she was stuck in the hallway.

“Well, since Dude is gone, I can only assume they are on a walk,” Evie sighed. “Tell him to get dressed as soon as they get back. I expect both you in my room in half an hour.”

Evie turned around and flounced over. Her movement caused the dress many layers to ripple so different pools of blue, indigo, and violet appeared.

Jay shut the door and started to put his outfit on. First, the pants black with yellow and red designs racing up them. Then he started lacing up the black boots he’d picked out for the occasion, which almost reached his knees. As he did he heard the door open, and the quiet clicking of Dude’s paws.

“Evie wants you to get dressed now,” Jay didn’t bother looking up.

“Ok,” Carlos said.

Now that Carlos was back in the room, Jay was not quite as sure if his emotions would stay silent. He could already feel the hum of nervousness in his body. Jay busied himself with lacing the other boot. He could hear Carlos rustling around as he changed. He resisted the temptation to look; methodically turning to face the wall as he put on the tight fitting jerkin that showed off his arms. He attempted to attach the accompanying cape but he had difficulty since it snapped on to his back.

“Here let me put it on,” Carlos said softly. Jay tensed up. He could feel Carlos right behind him. Carlos reached around and grabbed the cape from him. Jay’s nerves began to tingle as he felt Carlos touching his back.

“There you go, turn around,” said Carlos. Jay did, “Wow, hot stuff.”

His face was turning red, there was a tightness in his throat, and his breath was speeding up. Jay had been wrong about his emotions being gone. They were all back in full force. Besides the compliment, there was how Carlos looked too. He was showing a lot more skin than normal, which Jay liked, and Carlos was almost shimmering in the white with black accents.

“I guess that joke wasn’t very funny. I just thought because you’re supposed to be fire…”

Jay laughed weakly. “Yeah and you look cool.”

Carlos laughed. Jay thought that had be the best sound in the world.

“Let’s get to Mal and Evie’s for our masks,” Carlos said smiling. As he turned the icicle patterns on his cape sparkled. Jay failed at resisting the temptation to look at Carlos’s butt.

“You look like beautiful, Mal,” Carlos exclaimed as the entered the room. Mal’s dress sparkled with what looked like stars, but rather than being offset by a black background the fabric was in flowing shades of pink, purple, and grey reminding Jay of the nebula’s Mal had been studying in Astonomy. Mal gave them a twirl- the bottom of her dress was the only thing that rippled since the rest of it was very form-fitting.

“And you guys look so dashing as fire and ice,” The way Mal said it, Jay was pretty sure she meant to use a word other than dashing but he could not imagine which one. Personally, he would use dashing as while as a pile of other adjectives on Carlos. The word sexy even came to mind, which seemed like a weird word to associate with his best friend. Jay would prefer not to dwell on it. There was a rap on the door frame, and Jay was glad of the distraction.

“Ben, come on in. The door is open, you don’t need to knock,” Mal sounded both annoyed and charmed at the same time.

“What’s a prince without his manners,” said Ben as he walked into the room and gave Mal a quick peck on the lips. Compared to Jay and Carlos, Ben was much more covered up. He was wearing a military style uniform with double rows of bright gold buttons on a sky blue background. He had a military caplet tied so it drapped over his shoulders.

Evie was examining her workmanship with a critical eye. “We’ll need your hair out of your face Jay- It’s going to get caught on your mask.”

Mal started to hand him a band to tie his hair back. Evie made a small screeching noise.

“No! that will ruin the whole effect let’s get it braided.”

Evie attempted to get close enough to Jay to work on his hair, but her skirt kept getting in the way. Height, would not have currently been a problem since she was roughly Jay’s height right now. Jay vaguely wondered how high her heels were.

“I’ll do it,” Carlos said.

“Do two small braids just getting the front and sides of his hair,” Evie said with a sigh, “ I still want some of his hair loose.”

“I’m going to need you to sit, Jay,” Carlos said gesturing to a desk chair. Jay walked over to the chair trying to control his breathing. Carlos was going to be touching him and stupid thought was making his pulse quicken. How were his friends not noticing his unusual behavior? Jay sat down, and he could feel Carlos behind him. He closed his eyes to try and reduce the amount of sensory input. The minute Carlos began touching his hair, he could feel his nerves begin to calm. Jay took good care of his hair, but he had never realized how much nicer someone combing their fingers through his hair felt than a brush. Carlos divided up Jay’s hair as Evie requested and started to braid it. Somehow the interplay between the slight tension on his hair as Carlos held the braided sections and the soft touch as he selected the next strands to be woven into the braid was the best thing Jay had ever felt. He no longer felt nervous or jittery, he felt calm and almost like he was floating. Even though his eyes were closed and his back was to Carlos, he could imagine Carlos face in the same concentrated expression he used when he was tinkering around with some bits of metal and plastic, his tongue slight out and his eyes sparkling with concentrated excitement. Jay could feel tht Carlos was almost done with the second braid. He opened his eyes. Evie’s mirror was on the desk in font of him. He held it up, Carlos had done a good job with his braids.

“Thanks,” Jay said. His voice sounded weird so he tried to lower it back to his normal pitch, “Dude, you skilled.”

Through the mirror, he could see Carlos smiling and Jay’s heart sped up a little.

“Perfect,” said Evie, ending the moment. “Let’s get our masks on. Doug will be here any minute to start taking our pictures.”

Jay headed over to Mal’s table were their masks were all laying, thankfully dry. The raven shaped one was Evie’s, the sun-shaped full face mask was Ben’s, the slim nightscape mask was Mal’s, and there were Carlos and Jay’s masks. Jay grabbed the iridescent mask that was Carlos’s and turned around.

“Do you want me to tie it on you?” Jay said carefully controlling his voice. Carlos nodded and Jay tried to fasten the mask as gently as possible, careful not to catch any of the short strands of Carlos’s hair in the knot. As Jay was doing this, Mal had fastened Ben’s mask and Ben had fastened hers. Evie had done hers herself, though Jay was not sure how she’d done it. Jay reached for his gold and red mask to ask Carlos to tie it.

“I’ll do it,’ said Ben cheerfully, “that way you don’t have to sit down again.”

Jay reluctantly handed him the mask, a little disappointed.

“Are you ok with going to a party?” Evie asked Mal teasingly. Mal just laughed.

“High Ho!” Gough sighed as he entered the room, “You look as pretty as a gem.” He stammered. “I mean, you all look so great. Evie, you are so talented.”

Doug blushed. Normally, Jay would have found Doug’s obvious fumbling funny, but he couldn’t help feeling sympathy for the guy.

“Thanks,” said Evie brightly, “I’m sorry I didn’t have enough time to make you something. You look classic, anyways.”

While Jay wasn’t really into fashion, he would have called Doug’s outfit boring. It was just an ordinary suit with a tie that matched the color of Evie’s dress.

“The gems I gave you look great on Mal,” Doug said, turning away from Evie. His face was red.

Mal sighed, “ I might be ok with the party but I am not looking forward to these picture. Let’s go outside already.”

What seemed like a million pictures later (Jay’s favorite had been the ones of just him and Carlos- especially his brilliant idea to do a couple of poses with Carlos on his back) the sun was setting. Ben had arranged a romantic dinner on the lawn- not picnic-style since Jay was pretty sure Mal would have been unable to crouch down. But even Jay had to call the setting romantic, with the flickering candles and flowers strewn about. He looked across the table at Carlos, watching the shadows dance across his face. Jay wished he could see Carlos’s eyes. While several of them had removed their masks for dinner, Carlos had kept his on. This also meant Jay wouldn’t get to re-secure Carlos’s mask. Finally, it was time to go and Jay realized that the wonderful time he was having with his friend was going to end. Inside the hall waited the rest of the school and among them Carlos’s secret admirer.


	9. Chapter 9

The group was going to enter the Masquerade to a literal fanfare of trumpets. The unfortunate side effect of someone in their party actually being the King was that they would be announced last, but the positive was that they got to wait in a sitting room while everyone else stood in a hallway. Jay had assumed this dance was going to be like the coronation dance or even the parties back on the island but he was wrong. This was clearly a much more formal affair, most people’s parents were watching from the balcony as the ceremonial heraldry took place. Luckily, Ben had reassured the gang that the parents would head home after the first waltz.

“Waltz…” Mal groaned, “I didn’t realize we were actually going to have to use the dances we learned in Court Etiquette.”

“Were you not paying attention? We’re in the same class, and the instructor reminded us every day that we’d be using these at the Masquerade,” Carlos said with a smirk. Jay wanted to laugh, he always enjoyed Carlos’s spunky side, but he didn’t want to face Mal’s glare. To be fair, he had never really paid that much attention in Court Etiquette and hadn’t known they’d be using the dances either. Mostly, he had just enjoyed making the girl he was dancing with laugh or blush. Grab someone’s attention, and eventually you can grab their stuff- that’s what he always said.

“This is the stupidest dance I’ve ever heard of,” Mal said, “Let’s get out of here.”

“You know I can’t do that,” Ben said, “I bet you’re just worried because all eyes will be on you.”

“Yeah, and my complete inability to remember the waltz..” Mal muttered.

“Let’s practice,” Ben said sweeping her in to his arms, “the important thing is to keep the count, keep your head up, and I’ll keep you from bumping into anyone.”

Mal and Ben began to dance. Doug looked hopefully at Evie, “You worried about dancing?”

“Not really,” Evie said with a smile, ‘My mother had me practicing courtly dances since I could walk. I could do this in my sleep. Pretty sure I have a few times when my mother made me dance through the night to build up my stamina in case I had to go to a midnight ball.” She laughed.

Doug said, “Well, I wanted…I’m… I have two left feet. I plan on sitting out most the night, but no one’s allowed to skip the first dance.”

“Alright,” Evie stood up and took his hand, “It’s harder to lead than to follow. You’ll get the hang of it.”

That left Carlos and Jay sitting alone on the couches as the two couples danced around the room. Jay felt uncomfortable making eye contact with Carlos, so he studied Mal and Ben intensely.

‘You have no idea how to do the waltz, do you?” Carlos nudged him playfully in the side, “You were too busy flirting to pay attention in class. Get up. You’ll never learn just by watching them.”

Jay stomach felt like it was trying to do the waltz and failing miserably. He could hear his heart in his ears. Normally, he didn’t like people bossing him around- he put up with it from Mal, but he seemed to actually like it coming from Carlos.

Very soon they were moving around the room, Carlos counting time emphatically and Jay desperately trying not to step on his toes. It was actually sort of fun- the difficulty of dancing helped to make it easier to touch Carlos.

“Let’s try spinning me,” Carlos said a little breathlessly. Jay did, but he miscalculated and stepped into Carlos. Carlos almost fell over and had to cling to Jay for balance. They both started laughing.

“Maybe, don’t spin your partner during the dance,” Carlos finally said between giggles.

“Who is gonna be my partner,” Jay asked. He hadn’t thought about it- obviously Mal and Ben were a couple, and Evie and Doug would be together… Who would he be with? The only one left was Carlos.

“If you didn’t come with a person, you get assigned a partner for the first waltz by the instructor based on height,” Carlos said. So definitely not Carlos, thought Jay. Carlos continued, “It’ll be on your dance card.”

Jay vaguely remembered the teacher describing dance cards and how they were used to reserve dances in advance. If he could just steal Carlos’s dance card after it was filled up- he could figure out who the secret admirer was before the dance even occurred. There was a slight knock on the door and then Lumiere entered with a bow, “It is time, Sire.”

Going down the staircase after they had announced his name had gone much easier than Jay had expected. At the bottom of the staircase, Mrs. Potts was handing out the dance cards. Jay received the little book with his name on it and attached pencil, and opened it up. Next to first waltz was Tia’s name, neatly printed. Carlos was right behind him.

“Who’d you get?” Jay asked.

“Jane,” Carlos said. “I’m not surprised; the teacher always put us together in class.”

Jay looked around, trying to find Tia. As far as girls went, she was pretty nice and she was a good cook. He paused- why hadn’t he thought of that before? Most of Carlos’s gifts had been food- he would find out if she was the secret admirer during the dance. He spotted Tia chatting with a group of girls. There were almost translucent wings on her back, her dress seemed covered in moss and showed her pretty legs off. In the same circle, was Jane dressed as a medieval princess. Funnily, enough she was the only one in the circle who wasn’t a princesses.

Suddenly, the chatter died down- it must be almost time to announce Ben and Mal.

“It’s time to get to your partners,” whispered Doug, “The dance starts immediately.”

Jay could see Jane already heading toward them, but Tia was still in deep conversation with someone dressed in Chinese style armor. Jay headed over, and was surprised to see it was Lonnie.

“Cool outfit,” he whispered.

“Thanks,” she said, “It’s my mom’s.”

T.J., a friend from the tourney, was coming over, probably to grab Lonnie. Jay could feel the glare of their instructor that they were not partnered up yet. He quickly grabbed Tia’s hands. Seconds later, the trumpets blasted and they could hear Cogsworth announcing “His Royal Highness, Keeper of the Keys to the Kingdom…” and bunch of other titles Jay did not care about. Finally, Ben and Mal made it to the bottom of the stairs, and Jay suddenly realized he was the only upright person- everyone else was bowing or curtseying. He did so quickly. As lifted his head, he could hear the beginning strings of the dance. Here goes nothing, Jay thought. He pulled Tia in.

“Is there anyone you like?” he started into his investigation.

* * *

 

About halfway through the waltz, Jay remembered that the secret admirer was wearing a tiger mask, which Tia most definitely was not. He turned his attention to scanning the room for any sign of said mask, while trying to half-listen to whatever Tia was saying and not stomp on her feet too many times. In the shifting patterns of color, Jay could not make out any sign of a tiger mask. Finally, the final chord of the piece sounded and everyone stopped to exchange a slight bow or curtsey. There was the sound of applause from the upper level. Tia looked slightly sore and quickly excused herself.

“Now wasn’t that lovely,” said Fairy Godmother, “It’s time for the parents to exit the ballroom so the real fun can begin!”

As Jay scanned his dance card, he was pretty sure the Fairy Godmother and he had wildly different definitions of fun.

“It’s time to fill up those dance cards,” she continued cheerily.

As Jay tried to locate Carlos in the crowd, he quickly found himself surrounded by girls offering their dance cards.

Punzie was there first and wrote her name under the last dance on Jay’s card. Suddenly Jay’s card was being passed away from him and it was quickly filling up. Jay wanted to get it back and was torn between doing so and locating Carlos- hopefully with this secret admirer. For once Jay regretted their height difference, it was difficult to find Carlos in a crowd.

“Well, I just got the last space on your card,” said Mal handing back his card. She proceeded to write Jay’s name next to the spot labelled Quadrille in her own book, “I also signed Evie up; Doug’s not planning on dancing for the rest of the night.”

“Aren’t you gonna be dancing with Ben?” asked Jay, still distracted trying to locate Carlos in the swarm of people still trying to fill out their dance cards.

“Ben says it’s rude to dance with someone more than twice at a formal dance,” Mal rolled her eyes, “I don’t really care about that, but Ben does.”

“Have you seen Carlos?” asked Jay.

“No yet,” Mal said, “Evie and I agreed to split up. She should be putting us both on his dance card. Evie shouldn’t be hard to spot.”

Jay glanced around and soon located the coiled blue up-do rising above the crowd. He and Mal started off in the right direction. As they approached, they could hear snippets of Evie talking excitedly.

“It’s like it’s out of a fairytale a mysterious stranger…”

It sounded like the secret admirer had shown their face, or rather their mask. As they drew closer, Jay could make out Carlos, who seemed to nervously fiddling with his cape while Evie patted his back.

“I’m guessing Tiger-Mask didn’t show up,” said Mal sarcastically.

Carlos did not even get a chance to respond, before Evie began to launch into the story, “When I got here, Tiger-Mask was already here- being all chivalrous. He- I’m pretty sure it was a he,” Evie looked at Carlos who nodded his agreement, “bowed to Carlos and actually kissed his hand…So romantic.” Carlos was blushing at the mention of the situation, “He was such a talk, dark, handsome stranger. Of course, I couldn’t see much of his face, but I’m positive about the tall part. I wonder who it could be… And look,” Evie showed them the dance card, “He took all the spots but two, but that’s because I asked him to save some for Mal and I.”

Jay could feel a jealous anger spreading through his body as he looked at the card. It didn’t even say the guy’s name- just secret admirer over and over again. He had wanted to spend time with Carlos and he did like the idea of some “tall, dark, handsome” creeper spending all night with his best friend. He wanted to be with Carlos. Jay could feel his stomach tightening and his vision narrowing. Somewhere inside of him, he was panicking over the darkness of his own thoughts. In between the anger and jealous was some other hot-tempered emotion, but it was much more terrifying. He wanted Carlos pressed up against him, he wanted to put his hands on the small of Carlos back, he wanted… Hell, what is wrong with me, Jay thought. He had never felt this way before and it was terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. It was definitely wrong, though. He was obsessed with Carlos like his dad had been obsessed with getting a magic lamp. He had always known his dad was just a husk of a man, single mindedly focused on one thing. Jay couldn’t let this consume him, because it was bound to hurt Carlos more than himself. He tried to turn himself to other thoughts- first off, this was the stupidest dance ever. No one was going to be grinding up on anyone. They were going to be executing complicated dance moves and barely touching each other. Secondly, he had a full dance card already so it wasn’t like he could spend time with Carlos anyways. Though it was selfish of Tiger-mask to take all the dances- Jay suppressed that thought. Evie had said the guy had graciously allowed her and Mal to cut in. Finally, Jay had committed to being a good friend to Carlos and to taking his lead from Evie. She seemed pretty excited about the whole thing so he should be too.

While Jay had been wrestling with his inner emotions, everyone else seemed to have moved on to discussing the other dance partners for the night. Evie had plucked the card out of his hands.

“You must be happy,” she said, “Practically all the pretty girls are going dance with you. Try not to break too many hearts tonight, Jay.”

Jay didn’t know why he wasn’t looking forward to flirting with pretty girls as much as he usually did, but he had an image to maintain, “Well, you know me- I want it all,” he said with a grin.

* * *

 

Jay quickly learned that it was best not to look at Carlos and Tiger-Mask, who he grudgingly had to admit was tall but certainly did not seem handsome. Whenever Jay caught sight of Carlos, dark creepy thoughts appeared in his head. Focusing his attention on whoever was in his arm helped a lot, and having them laugh, giggle and blush made him feel better about himself. Currently, that person was Aurora whose pink layered dress was almost as voluminous as Evie’s.

“What are you supposed to be, gorgeous?” he said with a wink.

“I’m a rose,” Audrey said and added flirtatiously, “Handle me delicately.”

“I’ll try to, princess, “ Jay said. She giggled- girls loved being called princess. Actually, he had done a pretty good job at not permanently damaging anyone so far; somehow these dances were in his muscle memory and he could just glance at the next couple over if he got lost. There was only one dance left of the night and he’d made it through with only minorly injuring half his partners. He continued to exchange flirty comments with Audrey as they danced. When the music ended, Jay realized Carlos was directly within his eyesight- laughing and still in the arms of the secret admirer, even though they were all supposed be bowing. Jay felt a sharp pain his chest. Now everyone was clapping again, as they did at the end of every stupid song. He couldn’t wait for this to be over. This was by far the least favorite party of his life. Suddenly, his eyes were covered up.

“Guess-“ someone started to say but Jay was moving before the person could finish their sentence he roughly shook their hands off, and elbowed them away, and then spun around angrily.

“Don’t touch me,” he snapped. Punzie looked like she was about to cry and it reminded him of Carlos.

“I’m sorry,” she sniffled, lifting up a flowy sleeve to dab at her face.

Jay hadn’t meant to upset her or shove her- his emotions were getting the best of him. “No it’s my fault- I just don’t like people touching me unexpectedly.”

“Ok,” she said, “I’ll try not to…”

The music was starting, so at least Jay could attempt to act chivalrously. He gave a low bow, “May I have this dance, princess?”

She giggled and he carefully guided her hands into the beginning of the waltz. Punzie started complimenting Jay on something, but his mind was elsewhere. Against his better judgment, he was watching Carlos dance, which was actually difficult to avoid because they were dancing in much closer proximity than previously. This time though, he felt more sorrow than the anger from earlierand his jealousy was morphing into a sort of ache, maybe because he had proved what a nasty piece of work he was when he almost punched his dance partner. Carlos looked happy, protected, and safe. He was being taken around the dance floor in a way that reminded Jay of all the endings in their literature class. Carlos deserved a happy ending and Jay couldn’t provide it. Maybe Tiger- Mask could?

“I’m gonna be kind of sad to remove my mask at the end of this dance,” Punzie’s voice cut through his thought, “I’ve liked being a unicorn.”

Jay realized the mask removal would mean that Carlos would get to see his admirer’s true face. While Jay was unable to guess who it might be, he was scared that would mean that he would lose Carlos forever- but he probably deserved it. A part of Jay was annoyed at how melodramatic he was making the whole situation. It was like he turned into the Evil Queen or something. Carlos would still be his friend. Having a boyfriend wouldn’t change anything. Jay firmly ignored the fear welling in his stomach.

As the dance winded down, Jay maneuvered himself and Punzie into a position where he’d be able to see both Carlos and the other boy’s face when the masks were removed. Jay was so used to reading Carlos’s body language he could tell Carlos was a mixture of excited and nervous.

The music ended, and with a fluid gesture the boy removed the mask covering his entire face. A strong jaw, straight nose, and large dark brown eyes were revealed. It was Jim, one of the few people Jay had tried to avoid on campus. He and his sister probably hated Jay as much as Audrey disliked Mal. Jim was leaning in and delicately removing Carlos’s mask. Jay was suddenly very afraid they were going to kiss, but he couldn’t take his eyes away.

Jim had the mask off, and leaned in and gave Carlos a kiss on his cheek. Almost immediately Carlos began to blush. Jay could feel his hold body tensing up. Jim was whispering something in Carlos’s ears and he was nodding in agreement. Jim slipped his hand into Carlos’s and pulled him away from the crowd.

“Well, I’m not someone to pine over you when you so clearly are caught up in someone else,” Punzie had stepped into his line of vision. Both her face and voice showed that she was trying to keep them emotionless, “Thanks for the dance Jay.”

She left. What the hell was she talking about it? He wasn’t “caught up” over anybody! He was proud of his ability not to have real romantic entanglements. Flirting was just a means to an end- he would never fall for anyone.

He could see Carlos and Jim disappearing through one of the archways, now that Punzie was no longer blocking his line of sight. The thought of what they might be doing was making Jay feel like the fire he was dressed as. At the same time, there was a deep ache, at the fact someone else could make Carlos so happy. Why wasn’t he enough? All around him, couples were staring to leave the dance, happy. Jay felt so out of place and he didn’t want to face his other friends. He turned and climbed the stairs three at a time. He wanted out of this costume and into some real clothes. He also wanted to punch something- maybe he could break into the exercise room.


	10. Chapter 10

While Jay wanted to just go exercise his feelings away, he didn’t want to make the mistake he had done before of leaving Carlos alone. The funny part was by waiting up for Carlos, he was acting more like parents in Auradon than on the island. Jay busied himself with taking Dude out to do his business and feeding him dinner. While he’d never like Dude as much as Carlos did, it was nice to have some sort of company. He sat petting Dude, which while not as good as sweating for taking his mind off his problems, it was calming. Unfortunately, it still gave him time to think. He couldn’t help going back to the fact Punzie thought he actually liked one of the other girls. On the island, “relationships” of any kind were looked at in a different way. The best relationship only served your own needs and was easily replaceable if the value wore off, and it was all the better if the other person could be manipulated because they had some sort of attachment to you. This was one of the reasons it was best to get over any affection you had for your parents as quickly as possible- they didn’t really care about you, so it was best not to care too much about them. Yet none of them had done a very good job of it- it was hard not to want your parent’s approval. The worst type of relationship was one were you were weakened by emotions, mostly love and compassion, though fear also qualified. Acceptable friendships were about begrudging respect and mutual interests, and acceptable flings were all about lust and hormones. With flings, like all other relationships, it was best if you didn’t care about the other person at all. Jay had been good at it. He could wrap any girl around his finger and move on the minute he’d lifted whatever he wanted off her. He was proud of the fact the only thing he felt when he kissed a girl was that he was in control of the situation. He knew what to do to make her melt, but he felt nothing himself.

Since coming to Auradon, he’d watch his friends change and stop having such a selfish view towards romantic entanglements. While Mal was the most obvious since she was actually in a relationship with Ben, everyone beside Evie and Doug could see how much the two genuinely cared for each other. Carlos had changed less, since he’d always had too much love in heart from the beginning. Still, this secret admirer was the first time Carlos had actually seemed interested in romance. Unlike the others, Jay had stayed the same- he felt the same way about flirting he always had- only liking the attention and the stuff he managed to take. The closest he’d come to actually being genuinely nice to a girl other than Mal ad Evie (whom never flirted with him anyway) was with Punzie, but he knew he didn’t care for her the way Ben did for Mal. In the end, he was still a self-interested thief. Maybe the reason he was so upset about Carlos dancing with Jim was because now all his friends had what he couldn’t manage, which was a pretty selfish thought. At least I know why I’ve been feeling so jealous, Jay thought.

Discouraged, Jay turned off the light and tried to settle down for sleep. To keep his thoughts out of his head, he reviewed tourney plays in his head. While it didn’t actually help him fall asleep, it kept him busy. Later he heard the soft click of the door and Carlos entering the room, so Jay pretended to be asleep. Carlos, being the compassionate, caring person he was, didn’t even turn on a light as he quietly got ready for bed. Finally, Jay fell asleep to the sound of Carlos’s peaceful breathing.

* * *

The next morning, Jay came back from his run to find Carlos awake- which was unusual for a Saturday. He glanced down at Dude, who was wearing his mini-tourney jersey.

“Are you excited for the first game of the playoffs, Jay,” Carlos said in a fake announcer voice using a game controller as a microphone.

Jay looked at Carlos with a blank stare. How had Carlos remembered that they were in the playoffs when he hadn’t? Maybe Coach had been right when he said Jay had not been all there in practice recently. Carlos was still holding out the game controller.

“Yes, I am,” said Jay with a smile, “We’ve got a great team and the best-taken care of mascot ever. Let’s take a look at that mascot now!”

He picked up Dude and shoved him in Carlos’s face like there was a camera there. Carlos’s laughed as Dude began to lick his face. Jay finally put the dog down. Jay wondered if he was supposed to ask about last night or not. Not, he decided. He grabbed the controller.

“Carlos, what are the Knights chances against the Dusters?”

“Well, the Dusters are known for their speed and agility but the Knights have a secret weapon.”

“Might I ask what that secret weapon is?”

“Jay- he’s unstoppable and ferocious- kinda like a dragon.”

Jay chuckled and cuffed Carlos.

“I meant that as a compliment,” Carlos protested.

There was a knock on the door. “Come in, Ben,” they both said simultaneously.

Ben stuck his head in, “Come on guys, pre-game breakfast starts five minutes from now.”

* * *

The band was playing in triumph to celebrate the Knights victory. Jay love the post-game feeling of exhilaration and adrenaline. He joined his teammates in mobbing Coach and dumping the water container over him.

“Party at my castle tonight guys!” Chad shouted. The Charming chateau was one of the closest to the schools. While Jay never really got along with Chad, he did have the right space for a party. At least at Chads’, they’d be able to do some real dancing. The team headed back to the lockers to change. Carlos caught up to him.  Jay tousled Carlos’s hair and gave him a bear hug and lifted him off the ground. Right now he was riding high on the win of the game and it didn’t feel awkward at all.

“Put me down, Jay,” Carlos protested.

“Not yet- I’m carrying you all the way back to the lockers.” Jay shifted his hands so he was now carrying Carlos bridal-style. Carlos jokingly tried to escape, laughing all the while, “You’re embarrassing me Jay. And I actually didn’t get hurt this game.”

“What are you doing, Carlos?” Jay heard a voice behind him and turned around. It was Jim, and Jay suddenly felt like what he was doing was inappropriate. He set Carlos down.

“If you’re not careful, you’re goanna make me jealous,” Jim said in a teasing voice as he walked up to Carlos and tousled his hair. Jay felt sick to his stomach, “Hurry up and get changed so I can take you on a date, pretty one.”

Jim spun Carlos around and gave him a shove towards the lockers. Carlos ran off happily, but Jay stood rooted to the spot. He was going to make sure Jim wasn’t planning to break his friend’s heart.

“Jim- I don’t think we’ve ever talked,” he started.

“I know,” Jim said with a smile, “Dude, I want you to know I think you’re a great guy. We really have a lot in common. I’ve heard you like sports, video games, and stealing stuff for fun and that you don’t like school. We’re basically the same person. You’re the star of the tourney team, and you’ll see how I dominate greenbow next season. Actually why don’t you try out for the team?”

Jay nodded mutely. This conversation wasn’t going the way he thought it was going. Jim had even mentioned their parents yet or anything.

“Living on that island must have been tough- I know my dad said being a street rat is a hard life, but look at him now. I want the same for Carlos and you all your friends.”

Well- now they were talking about his parents but not at all the way that Jay had suspected they would. Maybe Jay had been wrong to avoid Jim and Alana; their parents seemed not to hold a grudge.

“Yeah, me too,” said Jay. With the way this conversation was going he was sure whether a threat was suitable at this point. Suddenly he recalled a phrase from lit class, “What are your intentions with Carlos?”

“Honestly, man- we’ve just met and I wouldn’t normally say this to anyone but,” Jim scrapped his hands through his short hair, “since you asked… I love him. Call me crazy, call me stupid, but my intent is to make him mine forever.”

That had also not been the response Jay had expected. Auradon kids were crazy- who just ran around admitting to people that they loved someone?

“You’re cool with that right? Because I know Carlos thinks highly of your opinion,” Jim smiled.

Jay liked the compliment, though it seemed a bit odd that Jim seemed to know Carlos so well. “Yeah, we’re cool.”

“Good. In that case, I’ve got a date to go get ready for.” Jim slapped Jay on the back and headed back towards the dorms.

How can I not want Carlos to date Jim? Jay thought. The guy’s clearly as trusting and sweet as Carlos is. Jay was feeling tired and sore. He must have pushed himself too hard at the game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I understood the rules of the tourney game better so I could have described the game. Let me know if anyone has any insights into how that game works! While I could go on and on about my head canons, greenbow is one of them. Since tourney is unlikely to be a year-round sport (in my head it’s a fall one), greenbow is the spring sport. It is like a mashup of polo and archery.


	11. Chapter 11

“You’re not just going easy on me because I’m a girl, right?” Evie asked as Jay’s character once again died onscreen.

“No, I’m just not really feeling this game tonight,” Jay tossed his controller aside. Evie was a good opponent, but normally he beat her. Tonight, he was distracted by the fact Jim and Carlos were off on their first date. The last thing had wanted to do was go to Charming Castle and run into couples making out in every nook and cranny. Jay half suspected Evie was hanging out with him because she wanted to be the first one to get the scoop from Carlos when he got back.

“Well, you know if we’re not going to play video games I’m going to have to give you a makeover,” said Evie teasingly.

“Do you think that would help?” Jay wondered if he’d look better with shorter hair like Jim’s.

“Ok, now I know something is definitely on your mind- you’d never agree to a makeover. What’s up?”

“I’m just stressed about school,” Jay said going to the easiest lie.

“Well, I won’t do your work for you,” Evie said, “and this would be the first time school has stressed you out. I think I know what it is…”

“You do?” Jay felt embarrassed. Evie was smart, she probably had figured out the Jay was a no-good best friend to Carlos.

“The playoffs, you’re the star on the team. You feel like everyone’s relying on you. That’s why you skipped the party,” said Evie

A part of Jay wanted to tell Evie what was going on in his head. She’d probably know what to do, but what if there was nothing to do? What if she told Carlos? Then, he’d probably have no friends whatsoever.

“I can tell by the blank look on your face that I’m right, so don’t bother trying to come up with a lie,” said Evie. “Listen, I know tourney is important to you. In the end, you’ll still have the team win or lose. This isn’t the Isle of the Lost- people aren’t going to abandon you if you don’t live up to their expectations.”

Jay sighed. If only Evie knew how far below expectations he was.

“Even if you lose, all the girls will still lust after you,” Evie continued.

Lust- Jay hadn’t heard that word since the island. Lust, being a sin was considered perfectly acceptable on the island- which probably meant it was not a good thing here. He remembered Frollo teaching them about lust in school- the need to possess someone physically, emotionally, mentally and sexually. Frollo had told them to make sure to indulge in lustful actions but not to let them consume them. When you can’t get someone out of your thoughts, Frollo had said, you needed to act on your desires so that you controlled them rather than the object of your lust controlling you.

Evie was still talking, “You’ll feel better once you actually beat me. Come on focus on the task at hand.”

She handed Jay the controller. They played several more games. Jay won a few, but that was only because Evie was pretty intentionally losing. He wasn’t really able to focus any better. He kept imaging Carlos in his head- holding someone else’s hand, laughing at someone else’s jokes…

“Hey E! I figured I’d find you here,” Mal entered the room with Ben in tow. “Jay, I was surprised you weren’t at the party.”

“He’s stressed out about the playoffs,” Evie explained. Jay wished everyone wasn’t hanging out in his room.

“Don’t worry, Jay. It’s not all down to you- that’s why it’s called a team effort,” said Ben kindly.

‘You’re waiting to see how Carlos’s date goes, aren’t you E?” asked Mal.

“Guilty,” Evie laughed softly.

“Mal, I gotta go get some homework done. Tomorrow I’ll be at some ribbon cutting ceremony all day. Don’t worry- Mom said you don’t have to come.”

“Ok, you want me to come with?” Mal asked

“No, you should spend time with your friends, love you.” He gave her a peck on the cheek.

“Love you, too,” Mal said.

Ben left the room. As the door shut, Mal muttered, “Belle probably said don’t come.”

“Who cares what she thinks, M. Ben loves you. Though you’re throwing that word around a lot more than you used to,” Evie said.

“I know,” Mal flopped onto Carlos’s bed. “But its how I feel, so who cares?”

The direction of this conversation was already bugging Jay. Once again it was reminding him of Carlos. Suddenly Frollo’s words drifted through Jay’s head again, and Jay realized that Carlos was in his thoughts way too much. If he was honest with himself, it was beyond just being possessive of a friend. Jay wanted Carlos in a way he had never wanted anyone before. There was a word for these words and it was far more than simple jealousy- it was lust. But lust had always seemed like such a bad thing. He didn’t want to hurt Carlos or make him do anything he didn’t want to do. Jay couldn’t be all bad right? Jay was beginning to despair- he needed to get out of his head. Still, somewhat absent-mindedly, he picked up the controller and reset the game so he was the only player. He threw himself into the game with new enthusiasm. To distract himself, he also tried to listen to Mal and Evie’s conversation.

“How’d you realize you liked Ben? That you weren’t just doing what you were raised to do?” Evie was asking.

“Well, my mom always wanted me to be who she wanted me to be- I felt like I was never enough. Ben liked me as I was- sarcasm, eye rolls and all. But it’s more than that, when I’m with Ben I can be more than what I was before. Ben saw the real me- the bad and the good- before I did. For the first time, I was happy with myself. I know I could do it without him, but it’s better with him.” Mal paused, “Also you were raised to like boys, not me. You’re sure we’re not talking about a certain member of the band whose name starts with a D?”

“No,” Evie said, though the protest in her voice suggested the opposite.

“My turn to ask you a personal question: Your mom raised you to seduce people not to care about them. Do you care about Doug?”

“Yes, but isn’t it best just to stay friends?” Evie said. “What if I ruin what we already have?”

Jay was playing his game on autopilot. He did care about Carlos. Did he actually like him in the way an Auradon kid would like someone? Maybe Mal’s advice would apply to him too.

“Where’s your sense of risk, E? Tell him how you feel, see what he says,” Mal said.

Jay wondered if it was that easy. Doug clearly like Evie so of course he’d say yes. But Carlos only ever acted like a friend towards him.

“You should say something before someone else becomes his girlfriend,” Mal continued.

Carlos already is dating someone else, Jay thought. But the perverse side of him came up with a counter argument- Jim and Carlos had just gone on one date. It wasn’t like they actually were together. They barely knew each other. He wouldn’t know if Carlos liked him until he asked.

* * *

Jay spent the rest of his evening pretending to play video games while trying to come up with the best way to talk to Carlos. He had decided he would not admit his feelings first, because then things would get awkward if Carlos didn’t feel the same. So he would ask Carlos first. He rehearsed the scenario several times in his head with positive and negative outcomes. He particularly liked the one where he got to hug Carlos again like they did in goodness class. His mind had strayed several times to some less innocent scenarios, but those were lustful thoughts, and he was therefore positive they were bad. Carlos was filled with good; Jay didn’t want to taint him with his nastiness.

Mal and Evie had eventually stopped chatting. Mal was sketching and Evie was working on chemistry. Jay had already decided he’d wait to talk to Carlos until after they went home. Suddenly there was a rap on the window. All three turned to look outside. There was Carlos tapping on the window- he was on a carpet snuggled up next to Jim. The carpet was hovering next to the window; Jay recalled this item from some of his dad’s rants. It was a flying carpet. Jay suddenly felt a lot less confident; Carlos looked like he was in a fairytale already.

Evie squealed and ran over the window to open it. Part of the carpet folded down into small steps and Jim helped Carlos down. Carlos climbed through the window onto the desk.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, darling,” said Jim. Jay felt a bitter taste in his mouth.

“Ok,” said Carlos looking embarrassed “Thanks for the ride.”

Jim flew off as Mal shut the door.

Mal said, “I thought no one uses magic here.”

At the same time, Evie said, “I’m so jealous Carlos. Tell us all about it.”

Jay couldn’t think of anything to say. Carlos looked breathless and just a little rumpled; in other words, he looked perfect.Carlos caught his breath, as Evie hauled him over to the bed, which she and Mal piled onto as well. Jay just stood there.

“Spill,” Evie commanded. She could sound like a queen when she wanted to.

“Well, Jim had broken into the museum to steal his dad’s carpet. He said he wanted it for good luck- it brought his parents together. We flew all over the kingdom, saw all the castles and the forests and rivers. All of Auradon is so beautiful- you guys need to see the whole thing some time. Finally, we watched some fireworks from the roof of Mulan’s palace and Jim asked me to be his boyfriend!”

Evie gasped. Jay felt all tense, half hoping Carlos had told Jim no, but dreading the other possibility.

“What’d you say?” asked Mal.

“Yes, of course,” Carlos said. “It was the best night of my life- I never have gotten to do something so special. I don’t deserve anything that nice.”

Jay could feel himself getting cold. Of course Carlos deserved it. What did Jay have to offer Carlos anyway? Besides a magic carpet and being a nice Auradon prince, Jim had a castle and who knew what else. Jay just had his feelings, which were probably worthless anyways.

“Did he say see you tomorrow?” Evie asked.

“Yeah, we’re going to Mermaid Lagoon,” Carlos said.

“I’ve always wanted to go,” Evie said. “Would you mind if I tagged along- and Mal, ben, and Jay can come so I won’t just be a third wheel.”

“Sure,” Carlos said.

Jay couldn’t handle keeping himself together anymore. “I’m tired,” he said, “I want to go to bed.”

“Sure,” Evie said, “I bet your resting up for the game on Monday.”

She and Mal left. Jay turned away from Carlos- he couldn’t say anything about how he felt now. It was obvious that Carlos cared for someone else. If Jay really cared about Carlos, he’d get rid of his feelings.

“It sounded like a great evening,” Jay said trying to keep the sadness out of his voice, “and I think you deserved it. You deserve a boyfriend like Jim. I’m happy for you.”

“You are?” Carlos sounded relieved. What had he been worried about, Jay thought. Carlos continued, “I wouldn’t want you to be unhappy.”

“Why would I be?” Jay felt awful-Carlos always put him first. Jay always put himself first.

“I don’t know. Just being stupid, I guess,” said Carlos.

Jay made sure his face was composed before he turned around to tousle Carlos’s hair, “You’re not stupid, you’re the smartest person I know. Let’s get some sleep. You’ve got another great day ahead of you.”

Both boys got ready for bed in silence, lost in their own thoughts.


	12. Chapter 12

“You know those eggs won’t get eaten without being put inside your mouth, Jay,” Mal said.

Jay wasn’t hungry- he was in a bad mood. Even though he knew Mal was asking him her version of “What’s wrong” it still annoyed him, but not as much as waking up to find Jim inside their room (without anyone’s permission) with a tray load of breakfast food and a cheery smile. Jay had gotten out of there as fast as possible so that he wouldn’t have to see Jim being all perfect, Carlos being perfect, and himself being, well, not perfect.

“Come join us, Doug,” Evie waved.

“Are you going to ask him to come with us to Mermaid Lagoon?” Mal asked as Doug headed over.

“Actually, I ran into Jim this morning while he was getting the breakfast together. I’m thinking it’s not such a good idea after all,” Evie said, “I feel bad for suggesting it in the first place. I think they’ll want time alone together.”

“I’ll take everyone to the Mermaid Lagoon sometime when I’m not busy being King,” Ben said. He was already in all his kingly regalia except the crown, “Speaking of which I’ve got to run.”

Ben and Mal shared a quick kiss and Mal wished him luck on his day. Yet another perfect couple, thought Jay. He wasn’t going to get any relief from everyone else being happy because now Doug had joined them. He and Evie would both be all sweet and shy, completely unaware that they liked each other. Jay knew he should stop feeling sorry for himself and just work on being a better person, but it felt so good to just be grumpy about it all. Quite frankly he was tired of trying.

“You want to study this afternoon, Evie?’ asked Doug.

“It’s a date,” Evie said. Both of them blushed and turned away from each other. Jay wanted groan aloud and yell at them. They should hurry up and tell each other how they felt before a better person came along and stole their best friend. Jay began to eat methodically.

* * *

Jay headed back to his room, hoping Carlos would be there and Jim would not be. He just wanted to spend a little bit of today alone with Carlos. As friends, he added firmly before his brain started thinking about what else could be done alone. When he reached his door, he could hear murmuring inside. He really didn’t want to see Carlos kissing someone else. For the first time ever, he knocked on the door to his room. Jim answered it. Jay eyed him critically- at least he didn’t seem disheveled. Carlos got up from the table, clearly in a better mood than Jay; he had a smear of Nutella on his face. Involuntarily, Jay imagined licking it off Carlos’s face. Jay mentally berated himself for succeeding in being creepy and lustful. Why was it so easy and felt so good to think wrong things?

“It’s you room, Jay. Are you turning into Ben? You don’t have to knock,” Carlos said as he licked his fingers. Jay looked away, as that action seemed to be producing more thoughts in his brain. Jay must have been wrong about Auradon-liking Carlos. He was pretty sure Auradon princes and princess never had thoughts like his.

“I thought you guys might not want to be disturbed,” Jay said awkwardly.

“Well, that was very thoughtful of you,” Jim said, “ but I feel like we’re making you uncomfortable. I don’t want to offend you.”

Jay realized he was acting like a jerk, “No. I was trying to be polite.”

“Well, you keep not looking at us,” Jim sounded apologetic, but Jay felt angry. Jim was making Jay look bad. Jay wanted to stare down the stupid prince and tell him to stop breaking into the room, not touch Carlos, and get out of his life. Jay opted for just glaring at Jim.

“Sorry, like I said I don’t want to disturb you two,” Jay couldn’t keep the anger out of his voice.

“You seem angry,” said Jim evenly. Jay knew that losing his temper was not the solution, but he couldn’t think of what it was.

“I’m just not used to this,” Jay said. He kept his eyes on Jim, scared of seeing Carlos’s reactions.

“So you are uncomfortable with two guys dating?” Jim asked.

Jay felt like he was being backed into a corner. He was just uncomfortable with _Carlos_  dating anybody, boy or girl. If he said it, someone might figure out Jay’s feelings; if he agreed with Jim, no one would know how he felt about Carlos, but Carlos would think he was making Jay uncomfortable again. Jay didn’t want to hurt Carlos, but he didn’t want to end their relationship over his stupid feelings. What was he supposed to say?

“I’ll make it easier for you,” said Jim, “We’ll leave. Come on, Carlos.”

Carlos stepped into Jay’s line of vision. It had turned out that Jay hadn’t had to say anything to hurt his friend’s feelings- Carlos already looked devastated. Jim opened the door and put a protective had on Carlos’s shoulder.

As they left, Jay could hear Jim saying, “This isn’t your fault. I’ll make it better.”

Jay shut the door firmly. He wanted to punch something. It was like all he could do recently is make Carlos feel bad. For some reason, it felt like Jim had forced him to hurt Carlos. Yet, Jay knew he shouldn’t blame it on Jim because it was really his own fault. Villains didn’t take responsibility for their own actions, he would.

* * *

After actually going down to the gym and pummeling the punching bag, Jay could think more clearly. First, he needed to make it up to Carlos. Second, he needed to figure out how to stop lusting after Carlos. Third, he needed to figure out a way to get rid of Jim. He headed back up to the room to set his plan into motion. For step one, he planned to bathe Dude (normally Carlos did this but he was on his date) and compose a formal apology. Fairy Godmother had taught them all about apologizing and Jay was going to put those skills to use.

For his second objective, he was a little less sure what to do. One obvious option would to be to find someone to fulfill his needs- but that was definitely an island solution. It was slightly better than how Frollo suggested he take care of such a problem, but only slightly. Another option would be to avoid Carlos, but Jay didn’t think he could handle that. His third idea was to check Mal’s spell book for an appropriate potion. While Jay had never done a whole spell by himself, he knew that in theory he should be able to- since magic ran in his blood. Since no one was to know about his potion making activities, he’d have to borrow it without Mal noticing.

The third goal Jay had no idea how to accomplish without hurting Carlos’s feelings or walking directly in villainous footsteps. He probably shouldn’t even try to make it happen, as it was basically revenge, but he could just tell that Jim didn’t deserve Carlos- of course, Jay wouldn’t kill him or anything. He just wanted Jim far away from Carlos. Maybe get him expelled from school? He headed by Evie and Mal’s room but it was clear that Mal was inside. Jay would have to wait until later to steal the spell book. Instead, it was time to go figure out what lie to concoct for his apology.

Jay could hear Jim and Carlos outside the door. Jim was saying something to the extent of how he shouldn’t go in because Jay didn’t like him. Jay took a deep breath, as much as he hated it, he knew he was supposed to apologize to Jim too. He opened the door, and was sorry to see Carlos stiffen at the sound. The other two boys turned to look at Jay and he wished that being good was easier. Luckily, he had come up with the perfect apology without actually being honest.

“Carlos and Jim, I want to apologize for how I acted this morning. I had meant it to be a joke but it didn’t come off that way. Carlos and I are like brothers and I was just giving him a hard time. I know your feelings were hurt and you think I don’t like you guys dating. I am glad Carlos found someone and I know he picked the right guy. I’m sorry,” Jay knew his words sounded rehearsed, but at least he had practiced it enough he didn’t sound emotional. He looked at Carlos to see if his words had worked. Carlos looked better than this morning, but was that because of what he said or the fact he’d spent the day away from Jay the Jerk?

“I have no hard feelings for you man. I’ll leave you two to talk,” said Jim, giving Carlos a quick hug and whispered something in his ear.

Jay tried not to be bothered by this. Carlos walked inside and seemed to sort of collapse onto his bed. Carlos stared at the ceiling, instead of looking at Jay. He seemed less happy now that Jim was gone.

“I know when you’re lying, Jay,” Carlos said his voice sounding tight and high pitched, “I’ve known you forever and I know you’re lying now. Can’t you just be honest and tell me how you really feel?”

Jay wanted to hold Carlos’s hand and to tell him the truth. He wanted to kiss all the pain away- but he knew those were all bad things to do. He sat on the edge of Carlos’s bed and looked at the floor. Could he be more truthful and still not tell Carlos his selfish thoughts?

“You’re right, Carlos. I’m not okay with you dating-” Jay could feel his feelings tumbling out with his words. He needed to reign himself in and not admit too much, he continued, “a guy. But I’m your friend and I’ll always have your back. Don’t worry. I’ll get over it. I’d do anything to stay friends with you.”

Jay longed to keep going, but he had meant what he said. He’d do anything for Carlos, including putting his own feelings aside.

“I’m sorry,” Jay couldn’t help it, he was shaking. Thankfully he wasn’t crying. Carlos sat up and put his arms around Jay.

“Thanks for being honest,” Carlos said, “You don’t think I’m gross for liking a guy?”

“No, I don’t. I’m just not used to it,” Jay could feel the shaking going away as Carlos hugged him. Even this little gesture made him feel so good- even though he should feel bad about it. Finally, Dude’s whining ended the hug.

“I’ll take you out, buddy,” said Carlos getting up. “Hey, he’s looking really nice. Did you wash him?”

“Yeah,” Jay said. “I’ll take him out; you probably need to get some homework done.  You had a busy weekend.”

Jay put on Dude’s leash and walked him out to the lawn. He stood in the cool night air, trying to get a grip on himself. Why did he have to become obsessed with the person he cared most about?


	13. Chapter 13

Jay had been benched and Chad had been put in his position. It was probably best for the team, Jay thought; since I can’t seem to execute any play right today. The team was doing better without him, slowly making up the point gap between the Knights and the Hoods. The best part about being benched was not being able to see that at the stupid “I love Carlos” sign in the stands. How did other people fall in love so fast? Love had been scorned on the island, but no one really explained how it worked. Here, people seemed full of love, but they weren’t much better at explaining it. Mal had said she knew she was in love because she could be herself around Ben and Ben brought out the best in her. The longer they spent in Auradon, the less Jay felt like he could be himself because he was pretty sure he was a villain after.

Jay watched as Carlos passed the ball to Ben who scored the point. The crowd cheered- they were tied with the Hoods now. Jay stood up and cheered along with the crowd. He felt proud of Carlos-looking at him now, who would have believed that he had used to be frightened of the ball? The teams moved back into their starting positions. Jay knew he should focus on the game instead of his thoughts but he couldn’t help returning to the whole love thing. Fairy Godmother had once told them the best part about choosing good was they’d get to be loved and love in return. Unfortunately, she hadn’t had a lot more to say on the topic. Jay was well aware most good people found their one true love, but some didn’t seem to need it. Merida, for example, was definitely good but she seemed happy just being an aunt to a noisy set of nephews and nieces. People like Merida still had a family who loved them, and Jay knew his father did not love him. Maybe he didn’t deserve it.

“We did it man,” T.J. was offering him a hand up from the bench. When he saw Jay’s expression he clarified, “Chad scored the final point with only 10 seconds left on the clock- let’s go.”

Jay glanced down the field to see his teammates beginning to lift Chad up onto their shoulders. Then he saw a small in blue and yellow figure with white tipped hair was being helped up off the ground. He was on his feet immediately running towards Carlos. As he got closer, he could see a large series of scratch marks up the side of Carlos’s leg- he must have slid on the grass. Ben was supporting Carlos as he gingerly put his foot on the ground.

“Are you ok?” Jay asked as he stopped in front of the two boys.

“Yeah,” Carlos put on a smile. “It just burns a little. Let me trying walking on it.”

He let go of Ben and took a couple steps. Jay watched carefully, it was obvious that Carlos was sore but nothing was seriously wrong. While Jay loved to baby Carlos, he knew better than anyone how tough Carlos was. He had to be with a mom like Cruella. Jay was just about to pick Carlos up any ways when he saw Carlos’s eyes shift to someone behind them. Jay turned around- to see Jim hurrying towards them, obviously having pushed through the crowd on the stands and vaulted the barrier to get to them.

“I’m ok, Jim,” Carlos said as Jim approached them.

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Jim bent down to inspect the scratch and then gave it a kiss, “Does that make it feel better.”

Carlos laughed, “How’s that supposed to help?”

Jim looked a little annoyed, though Jay was wondering the same thing.

“It’s something your parents do to make you feel better,” Ben offered as an explanation.

“Not villains,” Carlos sighed, “why don’t you pick me up instead?”

Jay felt a tightness in his throat- he was the one who got to pick Carlos up when he was hurt. Jim swept Carlos up his feet, like the prince that he was and gave Carlos a kiss on the lips. Jay wanted to look away but he wasn’t about to show his discomfort. He stared blankly at the sky behind them. He could feel his jaw clenching as he tried to maintain a smile.

“Come on you love birds, keep it appropriate,” Mal said as she and Evie joined them.

Carlos and Jim stopped kissing but Jim continued to hold him. Ben tried to give Mal a kiss.

“You’re sweaty, go change. All of you,” Mal commanded.

* * *

Jay looked at his math homework, which was less than half done, but he couldn’t bring himself to keep going. He hadn’t seen Carlos since the game, and it was almost curfew. He had decided to skip doing homework at Mal and Evie’s because exposure to happiness seemed to only make Jay more bitter. Jay petted Dude absent mindedly.

“Carlos doesn’t have time for us anymore, buddy,” Jay said to the dog.

It wasn’t like Carlos to not bring Dude practically everywhere. (In fact, it had taken a lot of teacher complaints before Carlos had stopped bringing Dude to class). Usually, Carlos rushed back to their room to get Dude right after class. Evie had taken care of Dude during the game, but Carlos hadn’t seemed to even notice Dude was there. Jay didn’t want to be mad at Carlos but he was. It seemed like all Carlos had done for the last three days was pay attention to Jim. It wasn’t fair. It was like Jim had turned Carlos into a different person who was too busy for Dude and Jay. Usually, Carlos and he hung out during passing period but today Jim had walked Carlos to every class. Jay felt his muscles tightening in frustration- he wasn’t the selfish one- it was Jim.

Jay spent several more minutes coming up with reasons that Jim was worse than he was but he found it difficult to stay angry. Pretty soon, he was thinking about how anger just proved that he was the worse person. Plus there was the thing Fairy Godmother talked about where you noticed your worst qualities in someone else. Was Jay just thinking Jim was selfish to make himself feel better? He didn’t know. As the bell struck ten, Carlos hurried into the room, backpack slung over his shoulder. He seemed out of breath.

“Where have you been?” Jay couldn’t keep the bitterness out of his voice.

“Talking with Jim,” Carlos set his backpack on the floor and kicked off his shoes. “Jim thinks tourney is too dangerous for me and that I should quit.”

“What’s he talking about? We only have two games left of playoffs.” Jay couldn’t believe it.

“I know. It’s kind of sweet how over protective he is,” Carlos smiled a little, “It isn’t like the team really needs me.”

“Do you honestly think that? I need you, uh, on the team. We’re not the same without you.”

“Yeah, but Jim pointed out that I don’t really score by myself.”

“We’re a team. No one score by themselves.”

“I’m, like, the smallest guy on the team and the least muscular. I’d never really thought it before but Jim said I’m much better suited to cheering you guys on.”

“Do you want to quit?”

Carlos sighed, “No, but I don’t want to argue with Jim. He’s the first person I’ve ever dated. I should listen to what he says.”

“Yeah,” Jay said, “but he should respect what you want to do. He’s a good guy- I’m sure it was just a suggestion. Tell him how you feel. It’s not like he’s going to break up with you. This isn’t the island where you have to do as you’re told.”

“You’re right,” Carlos seemed in a better mood, “I guess bad habits are hard to fix.”

“Jim loves you; Cruella didn’t. Mal says that real love means the other person doesn’t make you change for them.”

“I’ll talk to him tomorrow,” Carlos promised.

Jay was pretty sure he’d just done something right and been a good friend, and he felt less angry than earlier. He didn’t feel happy, there was a dull ache inside of him that wouldn’t go away.

* * *

It was dark and Jay felt someone coming up from behind. Jay drew a knife from his pocket as the person’s arms wrapped around him. He twisted his arm behind him and stabbed the person in the softness of their belly. He turned the knife, he heard a groan, and the person’s grip on him loosened. He turned around and kicked the stomach as close to the wound as possible. She- he could tell by her long hair and womanly frame- fell to the floor. The fact that she was on the ground only seemed to encourage the wildness inside Jay. He could feel his father watching with approval. He kicked the woman’s body and until she stopped jerking around. He kicked her in the face one last time and blood burst out of this last wound and splattered Jay in the face. He tried to wipe himself clean but he only seemed to get dirtier in the process. In the place of the anger from earlier was a feeling of panic. What would someone do when they found out?

He heard the footsteps of his father behind him, loud on the flat surface. He turned around afraid; would his father approve? His father seemed much taller than when Jay had last seen him, he looked as he had when Jay had been a little kid who couldn’t even steal a handkerchief.

“Good job my son. I’m glad you got rid of her. She loved you and that’s a weakness.”

All the color drained from the world as Jay realized who it was. The buildings and background melted; the world was black and deafeningly quiet.

He turned around and there was his mother, stained in blood. She seemed to glow in the darkness.  He couldn’t see her face because his boot had smashed it beyond recognition. Even in death, she still reached out to give him a hug. Jay turned toward Jafar; the tall man had a pearly white smile on his face. Jay would wipe that smile of his face. He began to punch wildly. Jafar seemed unmoved and then Jay heard a voice calling him.

“Jay! Jay are you alright?”

Jay opened his eyes to see Carlos worriedly looking down at him. Seeing that face only made Jay feel worse, Jay hurt anything good.

“You were screaming and thrashing around,” Carlos reached out to smooth Jay’s hair.

Jay tried to move away. “I’m fine, go back to bed.”

He scooted to the far side of the bed and put his back to Carlos. He tried to steady his breathing. He could still feel the rage inside him and the horror of what he’d done.

“You had a nightmare didn’t you?”

Jay could feel Carlos climbing on the bed and laying down behind him. Jay hated himself for the part of him that shivered in anticipation of Carlos’s close proximity. Carlos was stroking Jay’s hair, and Jay felt his feelings shifting. He was no longer angry, a nervous buzz of excitement joined his self-hatred to battle for his attention. He knew he shouldn’t be enjoying this as much as he did, especially since Carlos should hate him instead of comforting him.

“Shh… You don’t always have to be the strong one. I’m here for you. I’ll keep you safe. It was just a dream,” Carlos continued to speak rhythmically as he gently rubbed Jay’s back.

Jay knew he should move but he didn’t. He wanted to believe that it was a dream, but he knew it wasn’t. It just had never been a nightmare before, because on the island killing someone was a good thing. Jay didn’t actually remember how he killed his mother but he knew he had. Jafar had always bragged about how the first thing his son had done when he’d came into the world was to kill that “weak and annoying girl.” When he was little, Jay would try to imagine how he’d managed to kill someone when he was a baby. According to Jafar, Jay had torn her up as he was born. Jay hadn’t thought about it in years, since he’d eventually had villainous exploits he could remember better and therefore preferred to brag about. He wished he hadn’t remembered that he was a murderer because now he knew he was truly evil. Who else killed someone before they could even talk?

Yet, Jay kept lying there, letting Carlos make him feel better and secretly hoping the fact he’d murdered his mom would leave his head so he wouldn’t have to deal with. Jay didn’t want to think about it anymore so he indulged the part of him that was enjoying Carlos being in his bed. He imagined that he was dating Carlos and that Carlos actually wanted him. He imagined turning over and kissing Carlos on the lips and wrapping his fingers around Carlos’s waist. Carlos would at him with those brown eyes and blush. Jay’s thoughts eventually faded into dreams.

* * *

Jay awoke the next morning to find the light streaming onto his pillow. He’d slept through his normal exercise routine. There was something behind him on the bed. Was it Dude? He rolled over to find Carlos cuddled up behind him. The memories came back and Jay was fully awake. He really was the worst. Ashamed at having tricked Carlos into sleeping with him, Jay quietly extricated himself from bed. He wanted to find something to dull his emotions and fast. It was a good thing he was a thief.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Normally I don’t like commenting before my writing but I would like to make it very clear that I do not condone underage drinking. Personally, I never drank underage. I have several close family members who struggle with alcoholism and I see how dangerous this substance can be. At any age, alcohol is not a good coping mechanism. Thanks and be safe and moderate in your choices!

By the time Jay made it back from the village, everyone was in class. He decided the safest place to nurse his wounds would be in his room since if an adult came to check on him, he could always pretend to be sick. Truancy was a much bigger concern here than on the island, and Jay didn’t want some adult poking their nose in his problems. The minute the administration found out he’d killed someone, he’d be stuck on the island for good- away from Mal, Evie, and, especially, Carlos forever.

He used the side of his nightstand to pry off the first bottle cap. He hadn’t had anything since the last howler on the island and he missed that weightless feeling. He drained the bottle in a couple of gulps. This stuff tasted much better than the swill on the island- probably made with nicer stuff in cleaner conditions. He hoped it was stronger too. Jay hid the first bottle under his bed and started on the second.

Jay’s thoughts drifted to his friends. He really didn’t deserve any of them- he always let them down. Even when they’d been trying to steal the wand, he was the one who made things worse. Now, he was jealous of their happiness. He’d probably never get to be happy because he wasn’t good. No one would ever love him. He’d killed the one person who would have. Jay could feel tears rolling down his cheeks and his bottle was empty. Why wasn’t this working? He needed to get his head in a better place.

Jay rolled over and got some music started. He opened a third bottle- he really hoped he’d stolen enough of this stuff. Despite the infectious beat, the music was only making Jay feel more isolated. The only solution was to drink faster.

* * *

Jay’s eyes blinked open to find Mal, Evie and Carlos surveying him expectantly. There was a rotten smell and Jay crinkled his nose. Mal held out a glass of water.

“Drink this. Even if the spell worked, you’re still dehydrated.”

Jay couldn’t quite figure out what was going on. Mal looked pissed, Evie determined and slightly nauseated, and Carlos was in tears. He gulped down the water, finding that he was surprisingly thirsty. As he did so, Carlos wiped his tears. Mal and Evie continued to stare at him, both with their hands on their hips.

“Feeling better?” asked Evie.

He nodded. Evie’s face darkened and her voice rose in anger.

“Don’t you ever do that again. Do you realize how much you drank? You’re lucky Carlos came back to check on you or you’d be dead. If Mal didn’t have a spell book you’d probably be dead or hungover anyways. You scared us!”

Jay nodded blankly, he couldn’t remember much of anything from this morning. Mal was soothing Evie.

“Ok, E. I think he’s got the picture. Let’s get you up so we can clean up. Lunch’ll be over soon.”

Jay got out of bed and Carlos reached out a hand to steady him. Jay was surprised that he didn’t seem to need it- what a cool spell. Then he remembered that he had tricked Carlos into sleeping with him last night, he shoved Carlos’s hand off his back. He didn’t deserve Carlos’s sympathy. From the looks of his bed, he’d only managed to make things worse, which seemed to be a pattern.

“At least everyone will believe it when I said you were sick,” Carlos said. It probably would have been funnier if he hadn’t been trying to hold back tears.

“E- you go wash his sheets. I’ll go throw this junk out,” Mal indicated a trash bag. “Carlos, make sure Jay gets cleaned up and help him remake his bed.”

The girls began to clean up.Carlos grabbed Jay’s towel and shower stuff, “Come on let’s get you to the bathroom.”

Jay thought of asking Carlos to help him in the shower, before he realized what a selfish and lustful idea that was. He grabbed the supplies roughly from Carlos, “I can do it on my own. I’m not a baby.”

He stomped out of the room as Mal called out to him, “Well, then stop acting like one.”

As Jay showered, he wanted to be angry at his friends but he couldn’t be. Even now they were taking a risk to keep out of trouble. Why did he want to take advantage of Carlos? Why couldn’t he just be good? Jay knew why, but there was no time to wallow in self-loathing. He’d better hurry up and help them clean up so they wouldn’t be late to class.

Jay returned to the room to find Carlos tucking in the bed. The room smelled like air freshener.

“Hey, look, I’m sorry,” Jay didn’t know what to say. Even when he pushed Carlos away, Carlos was still kind to him. Saying sorry couldn’t possibly be enough.

“I know,” said Carlos. “Let’s get you back in bed. I let you borrow my pillow.”

Jay figured it was best to cooperate. It was the least he could do.

“Mal said to drink this,” Carlos offered him some bluish liquid, which Jay drank quickly, “Do you want me to stay with you?”

Jay wanted to say yes but instead he said, “You go back to class. I’m fine.”

He yawned. He was feeling very sleepy.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can,” Carlos’s voice sounded very far away.

Jay wasn’t sure if he was dreaming but he could have sworn he felt Carlos kiss his forehead before he heard the door click shut.

* * *

When Jay woke, he was thirsty again. He drained the cup of water Carlos must have left for him. He looked at the time, school had let out ten minutes ago. He guiltily hoped Carlos would be back soon. Then he noticed that Mal had left her spell book behind. He remembered that he wanted a spell to fix his feelings for Carlos. He wondered if there might be a spell to make a bad person good.

He sat up and grabbed the book. Mal said the way to find the right spell was to simply picture what you needed and then open the book up. If you had magic, the book would automatically produce the right spell. Jay thought, I need a spell that will make me feel better, and opened the book. He stared down at the page.

“Forgetting Spell,” the title read simply. Underneath that was a simple elaboration, “One draught of this spell eliminates one memory.” In the margins were annotations from the previous generations of Mal’s family. The first one was written next to the heading was, “Can effect emotions and related memories as well.” In a different hand was another note, “Works best on recent memories. Spell can go very wrong- best used for revenge as it can turn someone comatose.” Jay didn’t let the warning scare him; if he couldn’t make himself better it was probably best for the world if his brain stopped functioning.

His eyes scanned the ingredients and instructions. While most of the stuff could be found in the forest, some of it required being picked at certain phases of the moon cycle. The actual potion would need to be made and drunk during the full moon and he had to think about the memory he wanted to forget for an hour. That would probably be the worst part of it and living with knowing he was a murderer for a month. Since the notes had mentioned emotions, he could just brew a second batch the next moth and get rid of his feelings for Carlos.

Jay heard Carlos’s key fitting into the lock. He hastily returned the book to the nightstand and feigned sleep. He heard Carlos softly open and shut the door. Then he heard Carlos rummaging around in his drawers. Jay tried to keep his breathing steady but couldn’t help but wonder what would happen when Carlos came to check on him. Carlos was now walking softly across the room. Jay could hear Dude’s claws faintly clicking across the floor as he followed Carlos. Then he felt Carlos gently moving some hair off his face and checking his forehead with the back of his hand. Jay tried to keep breathing steadily, though his heart speeded up. Should he pretend to wake up now or just enjoy the moment? Dude made the decision for him by bounding onto the bed and licking his face. Jay grimaced and waved Dude away, laughing.

“How are you feeling, Jay?” Carlos said. Jay looked up at him. Carlos’s eyes were still red. Drinking himself into oblivion had clearly upset Carlos; it was time to act happy.

“I’m feeling fine. Thanks for taking care of me, man.”

Carlos smiled a little at that but when he spoke he still sounded concerned, “What happened Jay? Was it about your nightmare.”

Jay had noticed recently that lying to Carlos only made him more upset, so he’d tell as much of the truth as possible, “Yeah, I got freaked out by my dream and I drank to calm my nerves. This stuff most have been stronger than I thought it’d be. I didn’t mean to get you involved.”

Carlos frowned, “Jay you need to be careful. You drank three times the amount you ever did on the island. I don’t want to lose you…you’re my best friend.”

Carlos looked about ready to cry again. Jay needed to lighten the mood.

“I promise, Carlos. Now why don’t you stop worrying about me and go hang out with your boyfriend,” Jay said with a forced smile, “I wouldn’t want to get between the two of you.”

Carlos looked away, probably embarrassed, which is when Jay noticed Carlos was wearing a scarf. Carlos never wore scarves now that they were in Auradon.

“Are you covering up a hickey,” Jay teased as he quickly yanked the scarf away.

Carlos quickly raised his hands to cover his neck- but it was too late. Jay had already seen the bruises, and he knew who’d made those. Jay hadn’t thought he could’ve sunk any lower- he must have hurt Carlos in his sleep, thinking he was Jafar. Jay dropped the scarf.

“I did that to you, last night,” he could feel tears rising to his eyes. He was such a jerk, if he cried Carlos would end up comforting him. He swallowed, “Didn’t I?”

“No,” Carlos protested. He avoided Jay’s gaze as he bent down to grab the scarf and rearrange it, “It was, uh, an accident. Yeah, I hit myself on something.”

Jay’s stomach fell. He’d heard that excuse a million times on the island when Cruella had done something to Carlos. No one fell in a way that made it look like someone had tried to strangle you. Carlos must be too scared to admit it to him, worried that Jay would hurt him again.

“Well, you should show it to Mal,” Jay said.

Carlos looked panicky, “No, I already put some bruise cream on it- it’ll be fine in a few days. Don’t worry about it.”

Jay felt sick- how had he done this to his best friend? He needed to give Carlos space.

“I’m gonna go to the weight room. I’ve got to get ready for the semi-finals tomorrow,” he said. He wanted to hug Carlos but it was probably best if he kept his hands to himself.

“I’ll come with you,” Carlos said hastily.

Jay sighed, clearly Carlos wanted to stay with him to make sure Jay didn’t get himself into trouble. He couldn’t wait to get started on that potion.

* * *

Jay should have been happy that he and Carlos had spent the entire evening together but instead he just felt guilty and on edge. It was finally time for bed and Jay was dreading losing control again in his sleep.

“Do you want to watch something together until we fall asleep?” Carlos said, “That way if you have a bad dream I’ll be right there.”

Jay thought that sounded like a great idea from his own selfish perspective but he knew better. Carlos was tough and used to putting others first. Jay had long suspected that having Cruella as a mom had taught Carlos to be loyal to bad people.

“I’m good,” Jay said. “Actually I’m already tired.”

He actually felt the opposite, scared to fall asleep and dream, but if he did, he wanted Carlos as far away as possible if he did.

 


	15. Chapter 15

Jay woke up gasping for air. For a second he was still in the dream, staring up at the accusing ghost stained in blood. Was he really just rotten, destined to spoil those who got too close to him? At least Carlos was safe- he hadn’t woken up and tried to comfort Jay. Jay quietly padded across the room to the other bed to double check. As he drew close, he was relieved to see the peaceful, freckled face of Carlos. He had one arm draped over Dude as he slept. Jay would have added this to his collection of memories of Carlos looking like he was a work of art except for the one thing that marred the scene- the dark marks on Carlos’s. Jay wished he could beat himself up for harming Carlos, but self-destruction hurt his friend as well. He wished he could do something to make it better.

This thought brought back what Ben had said about parents kissing a wound to make it feel better. Did that actually work? Jay listened closely to Carlos’s breathing- he was definitely asleep. As long as Carlos wouldn’t find out about it, it couldn’t hurt to give it a try.

Jay quickly closed the distance between his face and Carlos’s, grateful for his many years of filching objects to make it easy for him to move noiselessly. He hovered right above Carlos’s neck, unsure if this was actually a good idea. He could smell Carlos, a scent he knew but had never really noticed before. It made Jay feel like everything was right with the world. Jay was sure Carlos would wake up if he stayed there breathing in his scent much longer, so he leaned in and touched his lips gently to the bruise. Carlos’s skin felt soft and cool. He held it for a second, and then gently pulled away, feeling his pulse pumping loudly in his ears. Leaning over must have caused all the blood to rush to his head, because he felt hot and dizzy. Carlos stirred in his sleep, and Jay waited anxiously, half-hoping Carlos would turn over so he could kiss the other side of his neck. Carlos didn’t turn over or wake up, so Jay retreated slowly to his bed.

While trying to cool his face on his pillow, Jay thought back on his actions of the last minute. He was pretty sure the kiss hadn’t done Carlos any good, but it certainly had done something to him. He wanted to do it again, but this time longer. He would breathe in that delicious smell until it was a part of him. In his mind’s eye, Carlos would wake up, groaning, and Jay would kiss his neck again and again…harder and longer each time- maybe even sneak in a bite. Jay could feel himself heating up at the thought of it, until the good side of his brain interfered. Why did he want to bite Carlos and intentionally hurt him? Wasn’t it bad enough to have accidently hurt him, he had to go and imagine biting the exact place he’d hurt Carlos. What the hell was wrong with him? Even now, a part of him still enjoyed the thought. How was he going to get rid of these terrible thoughts?

Jay checked the time- just past five. While it was earlier than he normally got up, he might as well do something physical to distract himself. At the very least, he could put a safe amount of distance between Carlos and his lust. Jay quickly put on some exercise clothes, picked up his shoes and left the room, his heart still hammering away in his chest.

* * *

By the time Jay made it back to the room, he felt in much better control of himself.

“Wake up sleepy head!” he shouted as he barged into the room.

Carlos rubbed his eyes and yawned. “Can you take Dude out?”

Jay was a little surprised at the request, since normally Carlos got dressed and did it himself. Jay didn’t want to argue about it, though, and grabbed Dude’s leash. Dude jumped off the bed and began to jump up and down excitedly. As Jay calmed the little dog enough to attach the leash and got Dude outside, he wondered if Carlos didn’t want Jay seeing him change. Normally, they didn’t worry about that, but now that Jay thought about it Carlos had changed in the bathroom last night. Did Carlos know the kinds of thoughts Jay had been having about him?

Jay headed back in to find a fully dressed Carlos- neck covered by a high collared jacket. Dude immediately bounded over to Carlos, who picked him up. Jay realized he was a sweaty mess and hurried to change for breakfast.

As was typical, Jay and Carlos were the last to join their group for breakfast. Carlos immediately began stuffing a piece of sausage into his pocket for Dude (who had been banned from the cafeteria). Jay hoped the girls would have plenty to say this morning, because he was having difficult coming up with topics of conversation. All he had was: 1. How bad do you really think killing your parent is? 2. Do you guys ever get sick of taking care of me? and 3. How creepy on scale 1-10 do you find someone kissing the person they accidently tried to kill in the middle of the night without that person’s permission? Of course, he didn’t really want anyone to weigh in on those topics.

Luckily, it seemed that Evie had successfully asked Doug out last night. Carlos happily joined in on the debate on whether or not that meant Evie should plan the first date. Jay picked at his food, wondering if starving himself would be a punishment that no one would notice was happening. Then, Jay felt someone behind him and suddenly there was a gold package on the table in front of Carlos.

Jay was pretty sure he couldn’t have felt worse, but Jim’s presence and present did. Carlos looked up at Jim like a wide eyed little kid.

“For me?” he asked.

“Yeah, I missed you yesterday, so I just wanted to get you a little something,” Jim said.

Carlos ripped the package open and opened the slim box.

“A phone!” Carlos gasped.

“Yeah, I know how much you love tech. This one should be really easy to modify if you want,” Jim said, “And we can always keep in touch now.”

Jay could tell the phone was high-end. It was probably the nicest thing Carlos had ever gotten, and Jim had actually bought it. Jay couldn’t even steal something that nice- since it would need a plan to function. Time to add one more thing to add to the list of why Jim was a better person than Jay, thought Jay.

“This is too much,” Carlos protested, “I can’t pay you back.”

“You don’t need to,” Jim said as he wedged himself in between Jay and Carlos, “I already have you and that’s all I want.”

Jim leaned over and gave Carlos a kiss. “We’re good right? You weren’t avoiding me yesterday?”

“No, I just had a lot of stuff to do,” Carlos was already starting to fiddle with the phone’s settings.

“Hand it over, I want to put Ben and my numbers into your phone,” Mal said.

Jay wished he could afford a phone, but he already was basically living here on Ben’s charity. The four hadn’t realized immediately that the proclamation that brought them to Auradon had also waived their tuition and gave them each a stipend, but when they had found out, they really couldn’t do much about it. Jay didn’t like owing anyone anything, but he couldn’t exactly steal to make a living in Auradon. He certainly wasn’t going to ask Ben to pay for a phone for him- it was different for Mal, she was dating him. Evie had bought hers by designing other girls’ dresses on commission- so now he was truly the odd one out. Only a selfish person would be obsessing about not having a phone; Jay hated himself because he should be happy for Carlos. He was glad when breakfast was over and he could head to his first class alone.

* * *

Jay actually tried to pay attention during history class, since he was supposed to be doing his extra credit presentation sometime this week and he hadn’t prepared anything yet. Today Chad was giving his. Jay was hoping he could steal a few ideas from Chad’s presentation. He wasn’t even sure how he was supposed to argue for a pivotal point in Auradon history.

“One pivotal point in Auradon’s history was the last time the Fairy Godmother actually granted someone’s wish. That wish was my mother’s, and because of that wish, my mother and father got married and had me. Now as we all know, fairy godmothers live by creating happiness and goodness- if they stopped, they would eventually die. Now, granting a wish creates those elements but the quality of the wisher matters- the better the person and the better the effects of the wish, the longer it can sustain a fairy godmother. The fairy godmother who heads our school hasn’t granted a wish in almost 22 years, and she is still healthy and beautiful looking. That is because the effect of my mother’s wish is still creating good in this world. If my mother had not wished to go to the ball which eventually led to me, none of us would probably be here today because the power of a different wish would have ran out a long time ago,” Chad smiled broadly. “This history affects me because it reminds me of my obligation to our land. Without me and my parents, the world would be a darker, sadder place. I am lucky to be such an important part of history.”

As Chad concluded his presentation, Audrey applauded enthusiastically and most of the class joined in. Carlos gave Jay one of those skeptical expressions that reminded Jay of how mischievous Carlos could be. Jay felt a little better, maybe even good people were allowed to be a little self-centered; Chad certainly was. So what really mattered then- your parents, your actions, or what others thought of you? Jay didn’t know.

* * *

Jay had managed to stay in the entire game and even score the winning point. He had motivated himself to stay focused on the game by reminding himself that he couldn’t protect Carlos if he was benched. Jay loved being surrounded by his teammates in their victory. Maybe it was stupid, but he always liked congratulating everyone else on their contributions- who’d have thought he could ever think something so sticky-sweet? He scanned the crowd to locate T.J., the last person he needed to compliment. He spotted T.J. by the bleachers talking with his mom, who was the biology teacher at Auradon Prep.

Jay wondered what his own mom had been like. Smart like Dr. Porter? Sarcastic like Mal? A combination of practical and fanciful like Evie? Would she have lectured him like the Fairy Godmother did or read books to him before he had gone to bed like Ben had said Belle had done? He didn’t know. All he had was information from Jafar, which was suspect at best. According to him, she was weak because she had loved Jafar, stupid because she had looked forward to having a baby, and obedient because she had always done whatever Jafar had asked. She was selfish and annoying because she had disobeyed Jafar and gotten herself pregnant. All of these characteristics made Jay suspect she’d actually been a good person- whom Jay had been bad enough to get rid of. Jay was not really feeling up to greeting T.J. and Dr. Porter, but he did anyways.

“Hey, T.J. great game- loved it when you blocked that big guy from Fantasia High,” Jay said.

“Thanks man! Mom- you know Jay right? He’s the reason we always win,” T.J turned to his mother.

“Yes, I look forward to maybe seeing you in my class next year,” Dr. Jane adjusted her glasses. “I’m glad you’re here in Auradon. I hope everyone’s been treating you well- some people are scared of what’s different.”

Jay wasn’t sure why, but her being nice was making him more uncomfortable. He quickly exited the conversation. He didn’t deserve her kindness. Jay headed back to the locker room to take a long shower.

“Nice work today, Jay,” Coach offered him a handshake.

“Thanks, Coach. Only one game left.”

“Let’s not lose touch- when the season’s over Jay. You played well, but I know something’s bothering you- I’m always available to talk when you feel ready.”

Jay nodded, once again feeling guilty that someone cared about him. “I gotta go.”

Jay was grateful the locker room was relatively empty when he got there. He was probably going to lose it if one more person was nice to him. He turned on the water as hot as possible to try to burn off his self-pity. He should be feeling sorry for Carlos and his mom, not himself.


	16. Chapter 16

Jay was pretty sure Jim had found out what Jay had done to Carlos since he seemed to have latched onto Carlos like some kind of personal body guard. He walked Carlos to all his classes with a protective arm around his shoulder. When it was time for Carlos and Jay to go to History of Auradon, Jim glared at Jay over Carlos’s shoulder as the two hugged and said goodbye. To avoid a repeat experience on their way to Introduction to Goodness, Jay claimed he needed to stay behind to ask Mr. Thatch a question. Jay had been worried Carlos would insist on staying, but Jim had appeared by the door seconds after the bell had rang so the conflict was avoided. Since Jay was stuck behind anyways, he figured it couldn’t hurt to talk to Mr. Thatch about the oral presentation.

“You know how we’re supposed to pick a relevant part of Auradon History,” Jay started, unsure how to articulate his concern, “it doesn’t have to be about our parents, right? Because everyone else has done that, but I don’t think anyone wants to hear about my family.”

Jay, at least, didn’t want to have to talk about Jafar. It was bad enough that Jay was a terrible person- he didn’t want to point out where he got all his bad traits from.

Mr. Thatch pushed his round glasses up his nose, “Of course not, Jay. In fact, I’m a little disappointed how close everyone’s stuck to their own family histories. We are all interconnected- remember that. Any action creates a whole series of consequences, both intended and unintended. It’s fascinating to find that one thing that seems to have determined everything else.”

Maybe for a hero it was fascinating, but Jay was starting to feel his whole life had been determined by what he’d done as a child. If he hadn’t killed his mother, she would have raised him to be a less selfish person. He probably would have been a better team mate, a better friend, and, most obviously, a better son. If he hadn’t killed his mother, he would know what real love felt like and he’d know what do with all the scary feelings he had for his best friend. If he hadn’t killed his mom, he wouldn’t dream about it and hurt the person who tried to comfort him. Who knew what he’d do next?

Jay said goodbye to the teacher as he felt the tightness build in his chest. Whenever Jay felt uncomfortable like this he wanted to do something- to get angry- to make some kind of mark on the world- so that he wouldn’t break down and feel. Unfortunately, if he skipped class Mal and Evie would probably corner him and force an answer out of him. Plus, destroying something would only prove what a sick jerk he was. So Jay was stuck digging his fingernails into his palms as he walked to class. He tried to ignore the fact that Jim leaning in towards Carlos who was pressed up against the wall outside the classroom, but his anger was happy to find someone to turn on besides himself.

“Stop shoving your relationship in my face,” Jay said harshly. He shoved Jim away from Carlos.

“I don’t trust you, Jim. You say you’re in love with Carlos but how do you even know?” Jay could feel his voice rising and becoming more bitter with every word. He had Jim pinned against the wall now and it felt good to tell the stupid prince off, “You barely know each other. You’re totally different people. You have no idea where Carlos came from- you’ve only known him here in Auradon where everything’s perfect, you’re perfect, and you want to make Carlos into your perfect boyfriend. You have no idea what reality is like. You have no idea what Carlos is like. You are just-”

“Jay, let go of him,” Mal’s voice was ice cold and tinged with threat. She sounded exactly like her mother and Jay found himself complying without a second thought. He still wanted to punch Jim, but he didn’t want to disobey Mal. Still, Jim had no right to be with Carlos. Everything Jay had said was true and nobody cared.

Evie was avoiding eye contact, applying makeup with a sense of focus she hadn’t displayed towards eyeliner since they’d left the island. Mal regarded him coolly, one eyebrow raised. Jay was annoyed at her too- she always thought Jay was too rash and impulsive. Still, he was calming down now and realizing that it was good she’d caught him instead of the Fairy Godmother. The hallway was dead silent for a moment, then softly behind him, he heard Carlos whisper, “You love me?”

“Yeah, darling, I just wasn’t sure how to tell you. I thought it’d be awkward to say anything since you probably don’t feel the same way…yet.”

Jay held his breath, scared to hear what came next.

“Let’s go Jay, give them some privacy,” Mal indicated the door with a nod of her head. He reluctantly followed her and Evie through the door which Evie quickly shut. She was smiling, but Jay saw nothing to be happy about.

“What the hell were you thinking, Jay?” Mal rounded on him with a fierce whisper. “What if the Fairy Godmother was already here? What if some other teacher had seen you? You need to keep your familial rivalries to yourself. I know Audrey bugged me in the beginning, but Jim’s not his dad. You need to get over it.”

Jay wanted to protest and say it had nothing to do with Aladdin and Jasmine- his dad’s hatred of them had never made much sense anyways. It was just about Jim. Jay didn’t trust himself to keep his temper so he settled for a low bow.

“My wish is your command, Majesty,” he said mockingly.

Mal sighed and headed to her typical seat. Evie left Jay with a glance that clearly said they’d talk about this later.

Jay tried to look nonchalant in his seat as he heard the door open and shut softly behind him. As he thought about it, it was crazy how upset he’d gotten at Jim. He didn’t know why he hated the guy so much. He watched Carlos out of the corner of his eye, but instead of taking a seat next to Jay, he took a seat in the usually empty row behind Mal and Evie. Carlos then buried his head on the desk.

Way to go Jay, he thought to himself, you’ve ruined things again.

* * *

After school, Jay headed back to his room to work on the potion in earnest. He needed to make a chart of all the days he’d need to pick ingredients. He also needed to take his mind off what a terrible excuse for a friend he was. He had barely gotten started when he heard the door open behind him, and he quickly opened a book on top of his work and turned around. It was Evie, and Jay felt disappointed. He wanted it to be Carlos.

“Jay, we should talk,” Evie said calmly. She sat on Jay’s bed and indicated the spot next to her.

Jay turned away, “I’m kind of busy right now with homework.”

“Yeah, right,” Evie said. “Maybe I’ll just ask the mirror what’s bothering you instead.”

Evie began to open her purse and shuffle her hand around inside it. Jay realized he was going to have talk- since the magic mirror wasn’t going to withhold any information.

“Fine,” Jay turned his chair around, “but I’m not sitting next to you.”

Evie rolled her eyes, “So why’s Jim getting under your skin?”

Jay wished he knew himself. “I don’t really know. He’s just the perfect prince. He has all this stuff, a palace, parents, riches. He’s so good,” Jay spat out the word contemptuously, “He’s never seen anything truly bad, never done anything bad. He’s never had to. He’s always been happy. He gets everything he wants.”

Like Carlos, Jay silently added.

Evie nodded sympathetically. “That’s true of pretty much everyone here in Auradon. That’s even true of Ben and Doug and you get along great with them. You can’t blame them for being happy. You’re sure it isn’t anything else, because I feel like you’re not telling me everything.”

Jay figured Evie had a guess as to what was going on. She’d been raised to read people’s emotions better than they did themselves. He’d better just be honest.

“You’re right, but I feel like if I say it out loud it’ll make it real. I don’t want to even think about it; let alone talk about it,” Jay looked down at his hands.

“Jay,” Evie’s voice was filled with concern. “Just because you don’t want to say it doesn’t make it any less real. You still feel it.”

“What I feel is wrong, E. There’s so much anger and hurt and hate inside of me, what I’m supposed to do?”

He looked up at her. Evie chewed her lip, seeming confused.

“I thought we were talking about you being in love with Carlos. What are we talking about?”

Jay could feel the color rising to his face. He couldn’t actually be in love with Carlos! A person like him was too rotten to have those kinds of emotions. Evie must think he was a way better person than he was.

“I wish, but I don’t think I’m capable of love. I just have all these,” Jay paused not wanting to describe his feelings, “thoughts about him. It’s bad, I know it is.”

“No, it’s not,” Evie put a hand on Jay’s hand, “Come on, Jay, it’s obvious you feel differently about Carlos. Normally, you’re Jay the flirt, who doesn’t care if a girl’s taken or not. You usually don’t care period. You do care about Carlos, and you’re mad he’s with someone else. You need to tell him how you feel. Trust me. It will turn out fine.”

Jay knew Evie was trying to help, but she didn’t understand. He was not a good guy; he did not have good intentions; he couldn’t tell Carlos anything. He might think he cared about Carlos, but if he really did… He shuddered remembering all the things he’d done to Carlos… then why did he hurt Carlos emotionally and physically so often? Still, Evie was nothing if not persistent. It was best to agree and then ignore her advice.

“Sure, E. I’ll tell him. Can I have some space now?”

Evie smiled and gave him a big hug. “Just tell me when you do!”

Jay flopped down on his bed when the door shut. Like that would ever happen, he thought bitterly. He headed back to his desk to get to work on fixing his rotten self.

* * *

Carlos came in right before the hall monitor checked their room. As soon as the monitor shut the door and they were alone together, Jay felt his pulse quicken and he couldn’t help but smile- that was until he saw Carlos’s face. Carlos didn’t get angry often but he most definitely was so now.

“What’s wrong?” Jay asked, worried.

“What’s wrong?” Carlos sounded emotionless, “I don’t know, Jay. Maybe the fact you think I don’t deserve to be in love. Maybe the fact you don’t want me to be happy. Maybe the fact that I wanted the first time I found out some one was in love with me I wanted it to be romantic. Not with me wondering if you were going to bash his face in or not.”

Jay could feel something inside him throb- Carlos had it all wrong. He didn’t think any of those things about Carlos. But he really couldn’t argue with Carlos, he’d just be fooling himself. Jay must be like their parents seeing everything from some screwed up  villainous perspective. Evie was wrong- if Jay really cared about Carlos, then Carlos wouldn’t be mad.

“I- I didn’t mean to,” Jay began.

“Shut up. I’m sick of your excuses, Jay. What hurts is that I care about you. Why do I care what you think so much,” Carlos’s voice was sounded less robotic and more angry with each word, “You’re always hurting me- but you never  _mean_  to.”

Jay felt a throbbing in his head and a terrible prickling sensation in his eyes. “I don’t know. I can’t help it. There’s something wrong with me. You should stay away from me.”

Jay was crying and he hated himself for it. He turned away so Carlos couldn’t see. He didn’t want to make this about himself. He felt Carlos put a hand on his shoulder and he flinched. The hand withdrew.

“I can’t do that, Jay,” Carlos sounded slightly bitter.

“Do what?” Jay tried to get his voice under control.

“Stay away from you,” Carlos gently put his arms around the other boy.

“Why?” Jay could barely choke out the world.

“Because I love you.”

Jay could feel himself crumbling inside. He was the absolute worst. He knew Carlos meant love as what Fairy Godmother called friendship love, but Jay wanted it to be more. Jay always wanted it to be more. He couldn’t even be a good friend to Carlos. He gently extricated himself from Carlos’s hug and turned around to face the other boy.

“You shouldn’t say that, Carlos. I can’t handle it.”

Carlos looked down, tears appearing in his eyes.

“Please don’t cry,” Jay tried to wipe away Carlos’s tears but Carlos caught his hand.

“Save it, Jay. I don’t need your pity,” Carlos wiped his face with his free hand, “I can’t stay here tonight. I’m going to Jim’s.”

Carlos dropped Jay’s wrist and left the room.

Jay felt very cold inside. Carlos finally saw the real Jay, the Jay who couldn’t love anybody, and Carlos couldn’t stand being in the same room. He was right to walk away. Jay was a disgusting human being. If Carlos continued to care about him, Jay was going to destroy Carlos, even if he didn’t want to. That’s just what evil people did.

 


	17. Chapter 17

Dude wasn’t the only one who couldn’t fall asleep without Carlos in the room that night. Jay lay awake, obsessing over his stupid feelings and even more stupid actions towards Carlos. He wanted to be mad at Carlos, and if he thought hard enough about it he could almost make it all Carlos’s fault. How dare Carlos throw around the word love so casually? Why did he always make Jay look bad by being kind and nice? Why’d he have to go and get a prince-boyfriend who had stuff that Jay could ever get his hands on and who took to goodness as easily as breathing? Why was Carlos replacing him with someone else, someone Jay could never be as good as?

Because he deserves it, you jerk, Jay thought to himself. He immediately felt a pang of sorrow rise up inside him. It hurt because it  _did_  feel like Carlos was replacing him. Hadn’t Carlos just gone to get comfort from someone else? As much as Jay wanted to blame someone else for his problems, it was Jay who chased Carlos away. He was in the wrong trying to convince himself otherwise only made it worse; he had no one to blame but his rotten self. If he hadn’t lost his temper at Jim, he wouldn’t have mad Carlos angry, and Carlos wouldn’t have left. Not that Jay hadn’t made Carlos mad before- they had half-joking fights all the time- but Carlos had been the bitter and hurt kind of angry. The kind Jay usually associated with on the rare occasions Carlos would blame Cruella for the pain she caused him instead of blaming himself for causing her to get angry.

Good job being a villain again, Jay thought, or was it bad job on being good? He could probably add the fact that he was trying to stand in the way of true love for his best friend to his list of sins. After all, Jim was a fairytale prince, doing the fairytale thing of falling in love right away and saving Carlos from his horrible life. Jay was the evil villain trying to rip them apart for his own selfish reasons. It was probably too late to actually be the sidekick in Carlos’s fairytale. He needed to get out of the way and let the happy ending get started. Even the thought of it felt like Jay was being wrenched apart. He didn’t want to not be a part of Carlos’s life, to see his smile, to rub his hair, and to hear him spout off the most random of facts out of now where. Too bad I’m a villain, Jay thought, I get to live unhappily after- and I deserve it because I spoil everything.

Jay wished his head was empty, like the way the room felt without Carlos. He couldn’t sleep, he might as well actually write the stupid extra credit speech he was supposed to give tomorrow. Maybe he should write about his Dad after all- there was no use denying he was just like him. Jafar had tried to keep Jasmine and Aladdin apart and now here Jay was going trying to keep Carlos apart from their son. It seemed some apples didn’t fall far from the tree after all.

* * *

Standing in front of the class, Jay felt oddly nervous. He liked when all the attention was on him and he had no problem with public speaking. Jay was not feeling so confident now- partially because one student had been avoiding him all day. Even now, while all the other eyes were on him, Jay could only see Carlos’s black with white tips hair, as he was focused intently on the surface of his desk. Jay decided to look at him anyway, after all he’d written this speech for him. Clinging to a faint ray of hope that he could actually fix things, Jay began.

“An important part of Auradon’s history is the villains, as bad as they are. We like to forget about them, which is probably for the best- but they still changed the course of history. Without them, it’d be a lot harder for heroes to reach their happy ending. Rising to a challenge and defeating it builds strength- whether it is physical strength like Mulan or the building of love and respect- like with Tiana and Naveen. Without villains, heroes’ lives would have been completely different. Take Jafar for example- without him Jasmine and Aladdin would have met once in the marketplace, end of story. With Jafar, Aladdin was able to discover the lamp, find his true worth, free the Genie, develop a real relationship with Jasmine, and, yes, eventually defeat Jafar.”

Jay swallowed, the hardest part was next and he was a little grateful he couldn’t really see Carlos when he said it. “Without Jafar, the law wouldn’t have changed and Jasmine and Aladdin wouldn’t have married. They wouldn’t have had Alana and Jim, two great people who go to this school. This point in history is important to me because it brought happiness to so many people. It proves villainy can’t stand in the way of goodness. Don’t get me wrong- I am not proud to be my father’s son and actually I hate it. I never would have imagined that my dad’s actions could indirectly lead to the happiness of my best friend. All that needed to happen was to defeat the evil villain after the fairytale had been set into motion.”

As Jay stopped talking there was a silence in the room- or at least it seemed that way to Jay. As he had finished, Carlos had stopped looking at his desk and was looking at Jay. As much as Jay liked looking into Carlos’s eyes, he swore that instead of seeing a mischievous spark, happiness, sadness, or even anger- there was nothing. Jay made his way back to his seat, glad they didn’t have to sit in assigned desks and he’d chosen a seat far away from Carlos. He had been right- there was no way to mend their friendship. He hated the fact that there had been a part of him that had imagined by doing one good thing, suddenly he’d be the one with a happy ending. That Carlos would want Jay, the way Jay wanted Carlos. Even now that he knew it couldn’t happen, he still wanted Carlos and it hurt knowing Carlos didn’t.

If anything else happened in class, Jay had no idea because he was lost in his own thoughts. When he’d been about nine, he had managed to get his hands on a batch of illegally brewed hard cider. Not knowing any better, he’d brought it back to his father. Jafar had drunk it all and spent the evening rambling non-stop about his exploits. He had run the whole range of emotions from sadness to an evil sort of glee to a bitter sadness. He had also spent a good amount of time giving Jay advice on women, which had included a long and slimy description of Jasmine. Jay had found it disturbing then, because Jafar saw Jasmine as no more than a set of sexy parts. Jafar had lusted after Jasmine, and now Jay was doing the same thing. The only way out was to stay as far away from Carlos as possible until he made the potion. No more convincing himself he was being nice- he couldn’t trust himself. Whatever he wanted had to be bad. Once he got rid of his emotions and memories, things would be better. They had to be.

 


	18. Chapter 18

It was probably just because Jay had spent the better portion of last night roaming the forest looking for cyclamen leaves that he didn’t feel like doing anything on tonight, even though it was Friday. ( At least in was easy to uproot one of the stupid begonias in the garden to get its roots.) It definitely wasn’t because avoiding Carlos this week had been much more easy than he’d thought it be. Carlos hadn’t even seemed to notice- he and Jim were together all the time. Honestly, Jay was just relieved to hear Carlos come back to the room every night before curfew. He had no idea what to say to Carlos- certainly didn’t want to ask him what he’d been up to- so he always just pretended to be asleep. Jay would be out of the room before Carlos was up.  At meals, Jay didn’t even have to sit alone because Jay and Jim seemed to always be on a private date for two. Not that he’d had much to say to anyone- again, not that anyone noticed.  Evie and Doug were always geeking out over something and having battles over who could say “no, you’re so clever” more times. Ben and Mal, while slightly less stomach-churningly cute, were busy discussing the public arts event Mal was planning and Ben’s accompanying proposal to expand support of the arts to the non-royalty section of the population. A good friend would actually care about what his friends were up to- but hey, Jay thought, I am not a good friend.

He sighed and turned over on his bed and Dude shifted as well. Jay loved the little mutt, but he knew the dog didn’t like him as much as Carlos. For Dude’s sake, Jay wished that Dude was allowed on dates, though it was nice to have some sort of companionship. Jay didn’t even have tourney to keep him busy anymore- they’d lost the finals, ending the season on a poor note. The team had done their best, but Jay had screwed them over in the end. He’d known Carlos had left the team because of him, and Jay simply couldn’t play as well without him.

The door opened and Jay sat up, wishing he looked like less of a wreck- he was such an ugly crier. He shouldn’t even  _be_  crying. He looked towards the door- had Carlos come back early for once? In the dorrway stood Evie, hands on her hips, blue hair perfect, and her head cocked to one side. She looked like she was posing, and she probably was.

“Let’s go Jay! I’m gonna go crazy if I don’t actually have someone good to play against.”

Jay lay back down, “I’m not coming over tonight.”

He heard the tap of her boots crossing the room as she spoke, “Yes you are. Doug constantly forgets to actually watch the screen instead of me, Mal loses her temper too easily and then refuses to play, and Ben is constantly sacrificing himself when it is entirely unnecessary. You’re coming.”

Evie had rounded the side of the bed and was about to level Jay with a pointed glare when she noticed Jay’s face. She instantly changed her tone.

“You aren’t in the mood for games, are you?”

Jay tried to laugh, but it came out sounding more like a moan.

“I really thought when you told Carlos, you liked him- he’d feel the same.”

Jay remembered he’d promised Evie that he’d tell Carlos about his feelings, but of course he hadn’t because while Evie was rarely wrong- she was wrong that Jay was right for Carlos.

“I’m so sorry. I know you had been avoiding each other all week- but at first I thought it was because you were nervous to tell him. You did talk to him right?”

Jay nodded- he had talked to Carlos, not about that, but it had gone terribly anyways.

“What do you need? Ice cream? Chocolate?” Evie said

Those items were just making Jay think of Carlos wolfing down ice cream and with chocolate smeared all over his face. He shook his head.

“What do you want then?” she asked gently.

“Space,” Jay sighed. He looked at the ceiling so he wouldn’t have to tell if he’d hurt her feelings or not.

“Ok,” Evie said quietly, “You get a free pass tonight. I promise you’ll feel better soon. This isn’t gonna hurt your friendship with Carlos in the end, you guys are too close for that. Just give it a little time.”

She left. Now all that was left to do wait for Carlos to get back.

* * *

The light flicked on and Jay’s eyes squinted to take in the sudden increase in light. Carlos must be home. He had been laying on his bed, fully clothed, staring at the door. He quickly shut his eyes so Carlos would think he was asleep, silently cursing the fact he was still fully dressed and on top of the covers. Carlos was sure to wake him up. He lay there quietly as Carlos greeted Doug.

“Hey there, my good boy.” Jay could hear the scabbling of Doug’s nails across the floor.

“We’ve got to be quiet so not to wake up Jay, my little man. You want a belly rub, huh?”

Jay felt himself smile softly- it was always cute to see how much affection Carlos would shower on Dude. He could picture the scene playing out in front of him so clearly because he’d seen it many times before- Carlos’s bright smile, Doug prancing around and then jumping up on Carlos. Carlos pretending the dog had knocked him over and letting Dude climb on top of him to let the dog lick his face.

“Ok, buddy, that’s enough. I’m little sore.” Carlos said.

Jay couldn’t help but wonder why Carlos was sore. Actually, his imagination was doing a great job of explaining why. He wished he could turn his damn brain off. He grimaced.

“Jay? You having a bad dream?”

Jay tried to relax his face, but somehow he tensed up more at the sound of Carlos’s approach.

Carlos gently shook him. Jay considered whether he could just lie there pretending to sleep, but as the shaking continued he thought better of it. He opened his eyes and attempted to look sleepy.

Carlos immediately retracted his hand, “Sorry, you looked like you were having a nightmare.”

Jay felt his stomach twist- Carlos was still scared of him, but he was supposed to be just waking up, so he couldn’t show that he noticed.

“Oh, I probably was,” Jay rubbed his eyes, “I don’t remember, but thanks.”

Carlos smiled a little. Jay felt something else inside his chest, that warm feeling he got whenever Carlos looked happy. He found himself smiling too.

“Okay. I know you’re sleepy but you really should change before you go back to sleep.”

Jay briefly considered asking for Carlos’s help because he was lusty idiot, but he thought better of it. “Sure thing.”

An awkward silence settled over the room as Jay stood up and took off his shirt. Jay didn’t know what to say. Pick a safe topic, he thought. He glanced at the clock- it was elven

“Aren’t you gonna get ready for bed too. It’s late.”

While Carlos had been raised on the Isle of the Lost, Jay was surprised he’d broken a rule. Carlos normally didn’t because he was scared anything he did wrong would land him back with Cruella.

“Uh… no, I’m not tired yet. Is it ok if I have my desk light on? I want to do some work.”

“Sure thing, who I am to stop a mad genius from doing his work?” Jay chuckled a little. Maybe Evie was right, maybe they could be friends again. He just had to be friendly.

“Thanks.” The way Carlos said it seemed like there was something more he wanted to say.

“Listen, I meant what I said in class,” Jay said, “You deserve Jim. I’m happy for you two and I’m sorry for not saying so sooner. It would have made things a lot less awkward. I want you to be happy.”

“Well, it’s partially my fault things got so weird,” Carlos started.

“No, not at all- you can’t help the way you feel,” Jay said. He wasn’t going to let Carlos share the blame.

“Ok, I just thought it was going mess our friendship up.”

“I still want to be friends,” Jay said. He did, desperately. He hadn’t meant to mess things up- he would get rid of his jealousy and lust and everything would be fine.

“Good,” Carlos still sounded a little nervous, “Well, get some sleep, Jay.”

Jay went to bed. He felt a mixture of happiness and dread. He didn’t deserve another chance, he certainly wasn’t going to waste it. You like Jim, he reminded himself. If you like Jim and do not get jealous and angry and overprotective and you get to stay friends with Carlos. You can do this, Jay.

 


	19. Chapter 19

Jay couldn’t help but grin. Carlos had fallen asleep at his desk, his head buried in the crook of his arm, next to a mess of wires and metals. What a dork, he thought affectionately. Jay should get him to bed- he’d sleep more comfortably there. He turned off the desk lamp and pulled the sheets down. He then went back to Carlos to pick him up- not wanting to wake the sleeping boy up to make him walk to bed. He scooted the chair back ever so slightly and got his hands under Carlos’s knees and back and scooped him up.

As he picked Carlos up, Carlos snuggled against Jay’s chest and Jay felt warmth spread throughout his body from the spot where Carlos’s head rested. Jay carefully walked the few steps it took to get to the bed, but he didn’t want to put the smaller boy down for some reason. It felt so right to have Carlos in his arms. Carlos shifted a little in his sleep, and his fingers brushed against Jay’s chest. Jay was sure his heart was beating loud enough that Carlos was going to wake up but still he just stood there. Carlos had the cutest freckles, Jay thought, and eyelashes. Jay felt the sudden impulse to touch Carlos’s face, an impossible proposition at the moment since he was holding him. Just as quickly, Jay realized how bad his behavior looked- if anyone else saw him or Carlos woke up they would think he was such a creeper- just standing there, holding Carlos, heart beating wildly, and staring at Carlos’s eyelashes, of all things. Hastily but still carefully, Jay set Carlos on the bed, who muttered softly.

Jay realized his friend was still fully dressed and that Carlos was not a huge fan of shoes on his bed. Carlos still sort of worshipped the whole mattress and pillow situation, since he hadn’t had them until a few months ago. Jay carefully undid Carlos boots, which for some reason managed to make his pulse go even faster. If taking off someone’s shoes made him excited, he was definitely a special kind of sick creep. He stepped back, to take a couple breaths to get a hold of himself. He probably take off Carlos’s jacket too at least, but thought of it caused Jay’s face to heat up terribly. Just the shoes was going to have to be good enough. Jay pulled up the covers silently thankfully, for the fact that Carlos had woken up during this mess of a situation. Jay was still abuzz with energy and his breath and heart wouldn’t slow down. Time to go running- not that that seemed to be any help recently in getting rid of his feelings.

* * *

Jay felt awkward heading make to the room, so instead he went straight to the cafeteria, still a sweaty mess. It was early so there weren’t many students up. He grabbed a quick bite to eat, grateful he didn’t have to talk to someone. Breakfast now done, he needed something else to do. He decided to check his mailbox. When they first arrived, he and his friends had received a fair amount of hate mail, but that had died down after the coronation. Now, every once in a while he’d get a note from a tourney enthusiast. The non-island kids got plenty of mail from their families, but Jay was fine with no communication from Jafar. He didn’t need more badness rubbing off at him. Still,Jay was surprised to see an envelope through the glass panel on his box. He quickly twisted the dial and opened it up. He tore open the letter, thinking a tourney fan’s praise would do him good right now.

_Dear Jay,_

_I am sorry I have not contacted you sooner, but my husband thought it would open a sore wound. I decided to come to the last tourney match of the season, though because I just had to see you in person._

This was quickly shaping up to be one of the more creepy fan notes he’d ever received. He deserved it though, being such a creep himself.

_You played so wonderful Jay- I was so proud of you and I just wanted to tell you that. You seem like such a fine young man. You clearly have friends and talent. You look exactly like her, especially when you have a determined look on your face. It’s the same exact expression. It made me so happy and just a little sad. I know my daughter would have been glad if she’d been here. Anyways, I didn’t want to surprise you in person after the match, so I just wanted to write you this note._

_I should introduce myself. My name is Mariam and my daughter was named Dalal. I have no idea how much your father told you about her or us because I know that she passed away when you were very young._

Jay felt like his heart had stopped.  He knew Auradonians didn’t like the word died- they used all sorts of niceness to cover up the ugliness of the event. This had to be about his mother. He didn’t want to keep reading but his eyes kept going anyways.

_I still remember the day a government official came to tell us our daughter was gone. We had thought it was a terrible idea to go to that island- she was so good, just in love with the wrong person. But she was so sure she could make him into a better man, and we couldn’t stop her anyways- when she is determined she always gets her way._

_When I heard the news, I felt like my world had evaporated, until the official told us that you had been born. I know you are probably angry at us- but I tried so hard to get you to us. We are very humble people, with no special connections, but we did our best. I wrote letters, petitioned our local government, my husband even had an audience with the king. Nothing worked. I know that the pain of growing up without a mother must have been worse, but it was awful knowing our grandson was stuck in that awful place. It made my heart so happy to see what a strong, good person you turned out to be. I love-_

Jay shut the letter. He couldn’t keep reading it. He crushed it into a small ball and sniffed, trying to keep the liquid inside his eyes. Now he was going around deceiving people he didn’t even know existed. This woman had it all wrong- Jay was not good or strong or any of the things he said.  Most certainly she shouldn’t love the person who murdered her daughter. Jay scrunched the letter tighter in his fist. Still, he didn’t want to throw it in to the trash. He wanted to keep it. He wanted to open it back up and see what other nice things she had said.

Somehow, Jay had made it back to the room. He opened the door mechanically. He walked over to the trashcan and let the crumpled piece of paper fall inside- he did not deserve anyone’s affection.

“Morning Jay,” Carlos said sleepily.

Jay tensed at the sound of his voice, angry at himself that the sound automatically made him feel happy. Still, he couldn’t let his anger at himself turn on Carlos.

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” Jay said with a smile.

Carlos rubbed his head, “I don’t remember going to bed last night.”

“You didn’t, I had to carry you to bed.”

Carlos paled slightly and looked under the covers. He looked back up relieved.

As he did so, Jay said, “Don’t worry I took your shoes off- I know how much you worship you bed.”

Carlos laughed weakly, wrapping his jacket around him. Jay recognized that as Carlos’s uncomfortable signal- either he didn’t like the thought of Jay putting him to bed or he still wasn’t quite over the things Jay had said earlier that week. Jay wasn’t sure what was worse- the fact he still made Carlos scared or the fact that knowing he scared Carlos made him feel worse that deceiving a dead woman’s mother into loving him.

“I’m gonna go shower,” Jay said, trying to hide the upset in his voice. maybe if he stayed there long enough, he could get rid of the badness inside of him.


	20. Chapter 20

By the time, Jay got back to the room Carlos was up, had changed his clothes and was back at his desk, working on homework. Jay had had some time to think and had figured out the next step on the road back to friendship. Carlos spent all his time with Jim, so Jay just needed to spend time with both of them. Jim has said he wanted to be friends with Jay- it was wrong of Jay not to try.

“So… I was thinking… we should have a game night. Invite over Evie and Doug, Mal and Ben, and of course Jim so we all can have fun together.” Jay said as casually as possible.

“I’ll need to check with Jim first,” Carlos said, “but that sounds fun.”

“It doesn’t need to be anything elaborate- I was thinking tomorrow night. I was going to go ask the girls if that would work for them, just let me know if he can come.”

“If not, maybe next weekend after the Auradon Arts Festival? Jim really likes planning things out in advance,” Carlos sighed, “it must be some sort of Auradon thing.”

Jay nodded, he had forgotten that Mal had conned and intimidated half the school into helping with the festival next weekend. Of course, he had no artistic ability whatsoever but Mal had gotten him and most the tourney team to agree to do setup. At least, Carlos sounded interested in hanging out with Jay.

Carlos’s phone buzzed.

“Why don’t you ask him now? I’ll be right back.”

He walked across the wing to the girls’ side. Mal and Evie’s door was open- probably because Doug was inside and he didn’t like breaking rules.

“You guys available for a game night tomorrow? Since Evie and Carlos have got boyfriends now, I thought we all should hang out as a big group,” Jay said.

“Awesome, Doug said, surprisingly responding first, “I have so many board games- do you mind if I bring a couple?”

Evie nodded, “Sure. I’m down- when were you thinking?”

“Tomorrow night?”

“I’ll be there,” said Doug. “and I can bring some extra chairs if you need them.”

Jay was surprised to find Doug so enthusiastic about this.

“Me too. How about you Mal?” Evie turned to the purple-headed girl who seemed engrossed in a large blueprint spread across her desk.

“Sure, that’s Ben and I’s usual date night since he has so many duties on Saturday nights. We’ll be there- just be prepared to lose,” she said with characteristic grin.

“Is that the plan for the booths for next weekend?” asked Jay. It was high time he tried to show some interest in his friends’ lives instead of wallowing in his feelings.

“Yeah,” Mal said, “The Cultural Museum has finally agreed to put up a booth but they want electrical outlets and there’s only a few.”  She crossed out a name over one of the squares. “I don’t know how Ben deals with this kind of nonsense all the time.”

“You’ll figure it out, Mal,” Jay said. “What’s that space around the fountain for?”

“Punzie’s doing a chalk drawing- I really don’t want anyone walking on it. Do you think it should be roped off?”

“Why don’t you just give anyone the neon eye if they step on it,” Jay joked. “Seriously though, why not just put a few signs- Auradonians love following rules.”

Mal laughed. She looked a little less stressed. “Good idea.”

Jay smiled, but he really wanted to get back to the room. He barely got anytime with Carlos anymore. He quickly said goodbye and headed back to the room. He needn’t have bothered- Carlos was already gone. He’d left a note on the table.

_Jim says that’s fine but that means he needed to shift our weekend plans around a little. Do you mind washing Dude? I hate ask you to do it alone but I’m going to be super busy._

Jay sighed, he’d been looking forward to their monthly dog washing ritual. Jay always liked the fact that they both got soaked in the process- Dude was not a big fan of baths. Jay didn’t want to be annoyed at Jim, but couldn’t he have just waited the half hour it’d take to wash Dude?

Jim’s a nice guy, Jay reminded himself. He’s in love and he just wants spend all his time with Carlos- who can blame him?

Jay went to fetch the supplies and Dude’s leash.

* * *

Doug had come over early to help set up for game night. Jay had actually bought snacks and drinks, instead of stealing them. They were now in the common room selecting games to add to the ones Doug had brought over. Jay was grateful to have Doug’s expertise, because he’d only encountered games (including video ones) a few months ago. Since he really liked video games, he didn’t really know which board games to pick. He’d only suggested a game night because Ben had once mentioned his family had one once a month to de-stress. He told Doug as much, thanking him for his help.

“Sometimes, I forget how different your guys’ lives are than ours. I know I must sound so condescending saying that, but I don’t mean to,” Doug scratched his ear nervously. “I wish I could change it for you. Like Evie tells me stories that make me so grateful I wasn’t born a goblin- we’re close relatives y’know, dwarves and goblins. I grew up thinking people deserved to be on the Isle of the Lost, because they didn’t want to be good. I never thought about how being born there you weren’t given much of chance to do anything. It’s easy to be good here- everything’s nice.”

Jay was never sure what to do when people were bring sympathetic, so he just said, “It wasn’t all bad- we had each other. It’s all in the past now, it doesn’t matter anymore.”

“I’m glad you guys are here. Before- I didn’t really have friends. Ben was nice, but he’s nice to everyone. Of course, I’m glad to be friends with you and Carlos and Mal, though she’s still a little scary sometimes- but Evie,” he shoved his glasses up a little and blushed, “she’s the best friend I’ve ever had. Smart, pretty, strong, and kind. Yeah, I’m the lucky one.”

Doug seemed lost in thought. Jay couldn’t help but envy him a little. The whole feelings sharing thing was still weird to him though, he didn’t really know what the appropriate thing to say to that was. He busied himself with straightening a chair.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be going on and on about one of your friends,” Doug laughed nervously. “Is there anything else you need help with?”

“No, I think we’re good.”

Jay heard some grumbling in the hall.

“Do we really have to arrive early to everything, Ben? It feels so nicey-nice.”

Mal opened the door and Jay caught a glimpse of Ben lowering his hand, having been about to knock. Jay had to suppress a smile.

* * *

An hour later, Jay was having trouble focusing because Jim and Carlos hadn’t arrived yet. Everyone else was busy trying to break the curse by collecting the necessary pieces in the board game they were playing. It was a cooperative game; Mal seemed to enjoy the notion of beating the game as a team even more than beating everyone else in a normal game and had insisted they play it again after losing the first time. Jay liked playing the game because he just did whatever someone else asked him to do on his move. Mostly, he spent time worrying about why Carlos wasn’t here yet or what he should say to Jim when they finally arrived.

Half an hour later, they had beaten the game and taken a break for snacks when Carlos and Jim finally arrived. Jay gulped nervously before going to greet them.

“Glad you guys could come,” Jay said, trying not let it bother him that Jim had his arm draped around Carlos. Jay wanted to physically detach Carlos from Jim, but he knew that would be inappropriate.

Jim nodded, “I’d do anything for Carlos.” He then whispered something to Carlos, whose face turned red.

Jay tried to keep a smile on his face, even though he felt awkward, angry, and a little hurt at the same time. Why was it so hard for Jay to get used to Carlos having a boyfriend?

“Glad you guys could make it. Let’s play charades now,” Ben said, taking out is phone.

Charades turned out to be a pretty fun game- someone stood in front of the group with the phone displaying a word while all the people on their team tried to get them to guess it. Jay’s favorite categories were the ones where they got to act things out. They played Islanders versus Auradonians and the four beat the others soundly. Jay didn’t want to admit it but he also liked that it meant that Jim and Carlos couldn’t stay attached at the hip because they were on opposite teams. After that, Doug explained the rules to what seemed like a particularly complicated game and only Evie and Ben agreed to play it. That left Mal, Jay, and the two lovebirds to start on some kind of resource game that Jay quickly tired of. Mal was playing with a maniacal scorched earth policy, which was clearly working, while anytime Carlos made a move that might impede Jim’s progress, Jim would make faces at him until Carlos relented and did something else instead. Jay was relieved when Mal finally won the game ten minutes before ten.

Evie, Ben, and Doug were still deeply enmeshed in their game when it was time for curfew. They took a picture of their current positions so they could resume at a later time. As everyone left, Jay couldn’t help but feel he that he liked Jim less than when the evening had begun. He was probably just jealous. Practice makes perfect, Coach always says, thought Jay. If I keep trying- it’ll eventually not bother me anymore- and if not there’s always the forgetting potion.

Carlos seemed in a good mood though, which made Jay feel better.

“That was such a fun idea, Jay. I think if I buy up the water supplies faster next time, then I could win. But I guess it depends on where the tiles are placed and how many people are playing.”

Jay loved seeing Carlos’s brain at work. His whole face brightened when he was engaged in problem solving. Carlos was petting Dude as he talked.

“Thanks bathing Dude,” Carlos continued. Then in the sing song voice he used to talk to Dude he said, “You smell so nice, don’t you? I miss you so much my little man.”

Jay was worn out from being pleasant around Jim, “You ready for bed, you two?”

“I’ve got to finish up some homework,” Carlos said sheepishly.

“Really?” Jay said teasingly, “The teacher’s pet hasn’t finished his homework yet? We’re only 10 hours away from the start of school.”

“Shut up or you’re going to be sorry,” Carlos said in an overly serious tone.

“Actually it’s 9 hours and 43-” Jay was under attack before he could finish his sentence. Carlos wasted no time, tickling Jay in the spots that always reduced him to giggles. Jay hunched over laughing, not really bothering to fight back. “Stop it! Stop it!”. It felt good to be back to normal. He was on the floor gasping for air, when Carlos finally stopped.

“Are you sorry?” Carlos said.

Jay nodded, finding it hard to speak. Still, he felt incredibly happy and not in the least bit sorry. He finally got to his feet, “At least you actually do your homework.” Carlos gave him a warning glare and Jay put his hands up in protest, “I did mine, I swear.”

“Good, I’m not going to let you fail school, Jay,” Carlos said. “I’ve got your back.”

“It’s my front I’m worried about,” Jay smiling at a memory.

“I’ve got that too,” Carlos smiled as well.

Jay got ready for bed, feeling happier than he had all week. He fell asleep almost immediately.


	21. Chapter 21

Despite having had the game night, Carlos and Jim continued to eat on their own. In fact, things were pretty much the same as before except now Jay no longer pretended to be asleep when Carlos got home. However, Carlos seemed to be always putting off his homework until late at night, which was kind of strange since Carlos usually liked school work; so they only chatted a little before Carlos would need to get to work. This also meant that most nights Jay feel asleep before Carlos and woke up to find him asleep at his desk. Jay didn’t try moving Carlos anymore, he’d just give Carlos a little shake and make sure the younger boy headed off to bed before he went running.

Jay also found himself checking his mailbox regularly, half in fear and half in hope that he’d receive something else from Mariam would arrive. He told himself that the real reason he did this was to get rid of the evidence before Evie or Mal checked their mailboxes and noticed his had something in it and forced him to open it in front of them, but his twisted self really wanted to get another nice note.

School dragged on with History of Auradon, Court Etiquette, and Introduction to Goodness swiftly and surprisingly becoming his favorite classes since Carlos was in them. While he never thought he’d like Etiquette, this week’s topic was diplomatic dining. While Jay had made the teacher gasp in horror when he use the towelette offered to him at the beginning of the meal to wipe his face, the silverware was much easier to master than he had thought. If nothing else, living with Jafar had turned Jay into quite the smooth talker and he found it easy to discuss any of the topics they were assigned. Between the good food and the fact that Carlos was usually only a few seats away, Jay couldn’t be happier. He wished that they could actually talk to one another but etiquette dictated a balancing of genders, so it wasn’t to be. Luckily, as long as Carlos sat close enough, Jay could usually half listen in on Carlos’s conversation while he still managed to keep engaged in his own.

Today he sat between Tia and Lonnie, who seemed more interested in breaking the rules and having Jay shuttle messages back and forth between them than actually discussing the topic at hand- the weather. The teacher paced the room writing evalutations on the students, frowning and occasionally nodding approvingly as he passed from speaker to speaker.

As he approached, Jay warned Tia, whose back was to him, “I fear a storm is approaching.”

“I love the rain,” she smiled, “I think it’s the smell- it smells like potential. Rain brings life.”

“But too much down pour can cause harm,” Jay said.

Behind him, he could hear the soft scribble of the pencil and the sound of the footsteps moving on.

“Luckily, winds often cause the storm to pass,” Tia smirked, “Now can you tell Lonnie that she is so lucky her parents don’t subscribe to tradition? It’s bad enough that her grandfather speaks in riddles sometimes…I can’t stand it.”

Jay laughed, “You’re actually pretty good at it.”

He turned to Lonnie to deliver the message. As he did, he could overhear Carlos discussing lightning and electrical properties with his partner, who looked like she was trying to follow along- since every time she looked confused, Carlos went into more detail. Jay chuckled quietly to himself.

Jay was surprised to hear his name called over the speaker as the last class of the day was dismissed. He headed to the front office, wondering what he was going to blamed for this time. He sighed as he saw Mr. Thatch with the Fairy Godmother, both who look up from their conversation as he came in the room.

“Jay,” Mr. Thatch smiled, “Come into my office, I wanted to discuss your speech with you.”

Jay felt a twinge of anger- was this seriously about what he had said about the villains? He hadn’t meant they were actually good…just necessary. Jay followed Mr. Thatch into the office and sat down on the chair the teacher gestured to.

“That speech, Jay, was completely unexpected,” Mr. Thatch began.

Jay wondered if he should apologize or argue his point.

“It was well thought out and interesting perspective. It was actually quite brilliant. I was wondering if you wanted to join the Debate team?” the man continued with a smile.

Jay wasn’t sure how to respond so he just stared at the teacher. Nobody ever said he was smart- athletic yes, brilliant, no.

“We meet Thursdays after school, I was hoping you’d attend the meeting tomorrow,” Thatch added, noticing Jay’s hesitation.

“I don’t know,” Jay said. Wasn’t debating like arguing? Jay already had a temper he didn’t need to improve it.

“Why don’t you give it a try? Tomorrow’s topic is sports funding- I bet you’re passionate about that?”

“I’ll have to think about it…”

“Alright. I think you’d be good at it and it’d be good for you. It helps you prove a point, convince other’s to agree with you, teaches you to analyze an idea from all perspectives- those are important skills.”

“Ok, thanks.” Jay thought those all sounded like nice ways of saying you learned how to get your way all the time. Maybe for Auradonians wouldn’t use those skills to become a manipulative snake but it all sounded too much like Jafar for comfort. Jay left the room and almost bumped into Coach.

“Jay! How are you?” Coach greeted him warmly.

“Good- but I miss tourney.”

“Speaking of tourney- how would you like to help me coach the little- league version of the game. They practice on our campus- Monday thru Thursday. I like having a teen mentor, someone closer to their age that they can look up to.”

Jay considered briefly- it sounded much better than the debate team and he actually liked little kids. “Sure. When do we start?”

“Next Monday. Let’s meet up tomorrow to go over details. I appreciate it Jay.”

It would probably be good to get busy with something. That way, he’d feel less lonely. Hopefully, he’d actually be good influence on the kids.


	22. Chapter 22

It had been easy to steal Ben’s bike and head out towards the enchanted lake in the dead of night. Of course, it helped that it was the new moon, so it was significantly darker than usual. Jay had brought along a flashlight to navigate his way through the woods, and arrived at the lake with no incident. It was a pretty place- Ben had taken them all there the weekend after coronation. Jay had loved learning how to swim and found it almost as easy as breathing. Dude had also been a natural swimmer, but Carlos had taken a very tentative approach to the whole thing- there had been a lot of talk of maximizing buoyancy and nervously putting a toe in the water- but jay had finally convinced him into the water by saying he’d hold him up if anything happened.

Tonight, the lake was much less friendly with only a faint glow coming from the crystals that emitted light from the lake bed. A mist was rising off the surface of the lake and the ruins looked more ominous than they had before. Not that it bothered Jay- it couldn’t compare to the island, which smelled as bad as it looked and it looked far worse than the lake did.

Jay moved to the edge of the ruins and uncorked a bottle. He bent down over a spot where a crystal glowed faintly deep below the surface.

“Purest water from purest deeds, I harness you to my darkest needs,” he chanted three times as the spell book had instructed before dipping the bottle into the water. He held the water up to his face wondering if he had really changed it from light magic to dark. It looked no different. He quickly corked the bottle.

As long as the spell made him a better person in the end, it didn’t matter that it was dark magic. Jay carefully stowed the bottle and headed back through the woods toward Ben’s bike and home.

He had just called Auradon Prep home. And that’s what it was beginning to feel like- the people he loved most were there, there were adults who cared about him and praised him, there were clean rooms, good food, and safety. It was home in a way he had never imagined possible. He just didn’t quite deserve it yet, he had to get rid of the badness inside of him.

A frightening thought occurred to Jay- just because he lost the memory of killing his mom, would it actually make him a better person? Or would he be worse off for not feeling guilty about it? Jay felt more confused than ever.

Jay finally got back into the dormitory at five in the morning, with the time he’d agreed to meet Mal and the tourney to set up the booths only two hours away. He’d better try to get some sleep. He opened the door to the room softly. He was pleased to see that Carlos was actually asleep in bed, with Dude cuddled up beside him. Then he saw the red note on Carlos’s bed side table, and his jaw clenched. Jim had been in the room again without permission and this time without Jay even being there.

Determined, jay stalked silently over to the bedside and opened up the card to see what was so important it merited a secretive note in the middle of the night.

Surprise Carlos!

My parents are letting us spend the weekend at the Oasis. We have the whole place to ourselves! (Well, technically Alanna is coming but don’t worry about that.) They already got permission from Fairy Godmother to let you off campus. Pack your bags- we leave at ten!

Love, Jim

Jay shut the note annoyed. He had been looking forward to spending the day as the four friends they’d been on the island- but instead of plotting an evil scheme, they’d be putting on a festival. Jay had even overheard Carlos reminding Jim about the event- why would Jim plan a surprise for this weekend? The thought of Carlos being gone the whole weekend made it even worse.

Jay found himself walking to Jim’s room with a determined set to his jaw. He was going to tell Jim he couldn’t just mess up other people’s plans at the last minute. He saw a crack of light under the door, which meant Jim was already up. Like a lot of the seniors, he enjoyed the privilege of having a double room all to himself. Jay hesitated- should he knock or just pick the lock like Jim kept doing to their room?

He decided to knock, it was best to follow the Fairy Godmother’s rules of conflict- which while he didn’t remember the whole thing you were supposed to simply bring the problem to the person’s attention first in a non-confrontational manner.

The door swung open and Jim stood there with a shirt in one hand, clearly in the middle of packing. “Jay! What are you doing here?”

“Hey Jim, I got up early and I couldn’t help but notice the note you left C-”

“That was private. You had no business reading that, if you’d grown up in Auradon you’d know that.”

Jay took a deep breath like Fairy Godmother said to. Keep in non-confrontational, he thought to himself, admit to fault.

“I’m sorry, you’re right but since I did- I can’t help but notice you have some special plans for this weekend.”

“Yeah, it’s a great idea isn’t it?”

“Well, actually, could you think about doing it a different weekend? Maybe you forgot but this weekend is Auradon Arts Festival. We’re all helping Mal out so Carlos can’t go. I know he’ll feel bad about it though so I thought maybe you could just post-pone your plans so he doesn’t have to pick.”

Jim frowned, “Why shouldn’t he have to pick? If he really loves me, it won’t matter. He should care about me not Mal and the rest of you lost kids. You’re a bad influence on him. I want to see where he really stands.”

Jay was getting frustrated, “Did you plan this on purpose? Like some kind of test?”

“Maybe I did. What are you going to do about?” Jim took a step towards Jay.

Jay could feel his temper rising and it was hard to keep his tone even, “Jim- I’m just looking out for Carlos here. He never wants to disappoint anyone and you’re setting him up to feel miserable. Don’t you care how he feels?”

“Of course I care how he feels- I’m his boyfriend. You’re the one who doesn’t understand him. You’re trying to protect him, Jay? Then how come he comes crying to me all the time because you hurt his feelings. You are the bad one Jay- don’t try and make me feel like I’m in the wrong here. If you really cared about how he feels, you wouldn’t act like such a jerk all the time.”

Jay could barely see he was so angry, his stomach felt tight, and he felt his hand clench into a fist.

“Go ahead, hit me Jay. Prove just what type of person you are. You are evil. You want to hurt me.”

Jay wanted to pummel Jim’s face in but he was barely able to stop himself. He turned away to leave.

As he did, he heard Jim say in a voice that was soft but full of threat, “You just remember who actually loves Carlos. Stop hurting him. I hate to see him hurt over a nasty piece of work like you.”

Jay stood perfectly still trying to breathe. The door shut behind him. Jay walked a few paces until he reached the door to the bathroom. He went inside to splash some water on his face to cool down. When he looked up he saw his face- hot with anger and a darkness inside his eyes that reminded him of his father. He wanted to punch his reflection in the face, but that would cause too obvious of damage. He punched the wall until his knuckles came back bloody. I hate myself, Jay thought. I hate that I am my father’s son. I hate that I am not good enough for the best person I ever met. I hate that that jerk of a prince is right. I am the worst.


	23. Chapter 23

Finally, Jay had to scold himself for his self-loathing breakdown in the bathroom. If he kept feeling bad about himself, he wouldn’t be ready in time for Mal’s big event. He winced as he gave his hands a quick wash and splashed his face. He’d go back to the room and put on some fingerless gloves so no one would notice the missing skin on his knuckles.

When he entered the room, he saw it was five minutes to seven and Carlos was still asleep.

“Get up, sleepy head,” Jay said patting the mattress next to Carlos, not wanting to touch Carlos right now. Carlos opened one eye, managing to look disheveled and charming at the same time. “Come on Mal’s gonna kill us if we’re not in the van by seven,’ Jay said.

As Carlos rubbed his eyes and sat up, Jay hastily put on his gloves.

“Is this for me?” Carlos said picking up the red note that Jay had left on the floor.

“Yeah,” Jay said feeling his throat tense at the memory of earlier. “It’s from Jim.”

“He wants me to go on a vacation. How’d he forget about the Arts Festival?” Carlos sighed, “I must not have reminded him enough. I am so stupid.”

“You aren’t stupid, Carlos,” Jay frowned. Normally the one thing Carlos never belittled himself about was his intelligence- Carlos usually thought of himself as smart, which of course, was because he was actually smart.

Carlos was out of bed. “I need to go talk to Jim. Can you go tell Mal I’ll be down in just a few minutes?”

“Sure, but don’t forget to change. I’ll get Dude ready- Mal said it was fine if he came.”

Carlos smiled gratefully and then exited the room. Jay quickly got Dude leashed up and gathered a few necessary dog supplies for his backpack. He hurried downstairs.

Mal was waiting impatiently outside one of the two school vans.

“Thirty seconds until seven, you’re cutting it close,” said Mal as Jay slid into the van and Dude bounded in beside him.

“Carlos’ll be right down, Mal,” Jay said.

“He’d better be,” Mal’s eyes flashed neon green. Jay looked around the van. All the guys from tourney who promised to come were sleepy but present. It seemed like Carlos was the only one missing. A few minutes passed and Jay could see Mal was losing her temper.

“It’s ok M, he just texted me. He’s on his way downstairs,” Evie called out from the other van.

Jay felt his body relax, though he hadn’t been aware of how tense he’d gotten. Some part of him was scared Carlos wasn’t going to go- not just because that would ruin Mal’s mood but it would really mean Carlos found Jim more important than his friends. Several minutes passed and Carlos had not appeared. Mal had begun to shake a spray can that had been stowed in her bag impatiently. Jay was glad she didn’t have anything more dangerous.

Ben whispered to Jay, “Can you go inside and hurry Carlos along?”

Jay nodded and slipped out of the van.

“I’ll go get Carlos, Mal,” Jay said and hurried up the driveway.

Carlos entered the building that housed the dormitory and stopped dead in his tracks. Carlos was sitting on the bottom stair, his face tight and red with pain. Having seen the expression on Carlos before, he knew anybody else would be screaming. Even as Jay thought this, his eyes scanned the rest of Carlos for the cause of the pain. Carlos was gingerly resting his arm against his leg, having clearly pulled up his sleeve to see what had happened, exposing a red welt slashed across Carlo’s forearm. Jay could see some blood, both on the pulled up shirt and the arm itself. Jay could barely process what had happened let alone how it had happened. A voice jolted Jay out of his panic.

“I think it’s broken,” Jim said. Jay hadn’t even noticed him crouched down next to Carlos. “He hit it on the bannister when he was rushing down the stairs and tripped. I don’t know what to do.”

Jay’s eyes focused on Jim suspiciously, but he seemed just as upset as Carlos, he was crying too. Clearly, he wasn’t used to people being hurt, since he’s being absolutely useless, thought Jay. Even from the short distance between the door and the stairs Jay could see Carlos’s right arm was swollen in comparison to his left. It was mostly likely a broken bone, though certainly not Carlos’s first.

“I’ll go get Mal,” Jay said. He found he could cross the short distance down the walkway to the drive in even less time than before. There was no use in panicking. Mal had magic and this would be fixed in no time.

“I think Carlos broke his arm,” Jay shouted as Mal looked toward him.

Without hesitation, Mal was on the move, simultaneously trying to run and dig her spell book out of her bag. Evie was out of the van and close behind Jay and Mal headed back up the drive. Jay opened the door as Mal finally freed the book from the bag.

As they entered, the scene looked much the same as before. Carlos was on the stairs and Jim was beside him.

“Let’s see what we’re dealing with,” Evie said, “Magic Mirror that I hold tight, is Carlos’s arm alright?”

She looked at the mirror’s answer, “His ulna’s broken, Mal.”

Mal opened the spell book and scanned the word for a minute. Then she shut it and opened it again. “Dammit. It’s just an anti-pain spell. How can this book not have a spell for broken bones?” Mal muttered.

“It’s better than nothing, Mal,” Jay said. At least Carlos wouldn’t hurt and Auradon was crawling with doctors.

“Scoot Jim,” Mal said, “I need space.”

Jim nodded and moved away, sniffling a little. Jay couldn’t decide if it was good or bad that Jim seemed to be crying more than Carlos. Mal muttered a few words and Carlos relaxed a little.

“Thanks,” Carlos said a little huskily, “I don’t feel like I’d scream if I opened my mouth anymore, though it still hurts some.” He lifted his arm experimentally.

“Don’t move it too much- you don’t want to hurt it worse. We need to get you to hospital,” Evie said.

“I’ll do it,” Jim said, “I can drive and you guys need to get to your art festival.”

Jay longed to volunteer to stay as well but he couldn’t help but feel like none of this would have happened if he had just gotten ahold of himself sooner so he could wake Carlos up earlier. He should have stayed with Carlos instead of heading out without him. If Carlos had fallen, Jay’s quick reflexes could have prevented any injury. He almost said something about staying but then he saw the way that Jim was back at Carlos’s side, gently helping Carlos to his feet. Jay wasn’t needed; Carlos had his prince.

“We’ll come if you want us to, C,” said Mal.

“No, it’s okay. I’ll be fine,” Carlos smiled weakly.

“Text us updates,” Evie said.

Jay didn’t know what to say. He just turned around and left. Again, his damn self-centeredness had gotten someone hurt.

Jay found it hard to focus on the rush of getting the booths set up. There had been something weird about Carlos’s injury. Jay had seen plenty of broken bones, both from accidents, fights, and parental tempers and the angle of the welt didn’t make much sense for a fall. Jay was even having trouble imagining how Carlos could hit his arm against the banister while falling, and if he’d hit it on a stair, he would have expected there to be signs of rug burn. All Jay could figure was that it was the same invisible fate that led to the ruin of so many villains and those that villains cared about. Carlos was being punished by fate for being close to Jay. The last tent was set up over the last table before Jay knew it. Jay saw Evie was checking her phone.

“Evie, how’s Carlos doing?” Jay asked.

“Jim just texted to say the doctor’s about to put the cast on,” Evie said, “Carlos is getting a red one.”

Jay nodded. Carlos was supposed to be safe now that they were in Auradon and here he was hurt again.

“Then they’re going to stay in Jim’s vacation home so that Carlos can recuperate for the weekend. Apparently, it’s a place filled with naturally occurring healing magic.”

Jay nodded again, though it bugged him that ultimately it seemed like Jim had gotten his way after all. I guess that’s because fate thinks he’s a good guy, thought Jay. Things always turn out for the heroes.

Jay headed over to the post he had tied Dude to during the set up. With Jay’s responsibilities done for the day, at least someone should have a good time- he’d let Dude explore the square. As they walked around with Dude stopping occasionally to sniff something, Jay wished he had a phone so he could call Carlos and check up on him. He wanted to say he was sorry for any part he had caused in getting Carlos hurt. He wanted to take care of his best friend while he was hurt, like he’d always done back on the island. But now Carlos had a boyfriend with a car and magical oasis and a billion other things. Jay knew that Fairy Godmother said wealth didn’t matter, but maybe his dad had been right about some things. What could he possibly do for Carlos that Jim couldn’t do a million times better because he had better resources, a better upbringing, and was just all around better?


	24. Chapter 24

Jay was finding it incredibly hard to focus in History of Auradon, even though he wanted to take good notes today since he had promised Carlos a copy. Instead, he found himself constantly glancing forward and slightly to the right to monitor Carlos. Something about Carlos was bothering Jay, though he wasn’t sure what. Carlos had come home in good spirits the night before. He had promised he hadn’t been in any pain because of the magical properties of the Oasis and that the cast would come off in a little under two weeks if Carlos went back to the Oasis next weekend. Jay felt like Carlos’s attitude towards being injured was strange and when he’d tried to get details on what exactly had happened Carlos was vague- which was weird. Probably he was just embarrassed, Jay thought, Carlos had always been the clumsiest out of the four when they were little and he was still self-conscious about that. It was more than just the injury though, Carlos seemed different in general- not doing his homework, ignoring Dude, not having played videogames with Evie for almost two weeks. Somehow Jay hadn’t expected love to make Carlos into a completely different person with different interests (or rather one interest- Jim).

Then there was the fact that Jay was positive Carlos knew Jay was lusting after him. When Carlos had come home, Jay had thought it would nice to offer to help Carlos change since it’d be awkward to do with one arm incapacitated. Jay really hadn’t meant to extend the offer in order to see Carlos naked, but as soon as he’d offered, Carlos had paled so that his freckles stood out more than usual. Carlos had stammered that it wouldn’t be necessary and then had proceeded to the bathroom to change into his bedtime outfit. Carlos had never done that before. Jay had no idea how to address the situation- especially because he had missed Carlos so much that weekend that he had actually dreamt about hugging Carlos and it felt so real he could actually smell Carlos’s scent. If that wasn’t creepy what was, Jay thought. Still, other than not wanting to change in front of him, Carlos treated him like he wasn’t a sick freak, which Jay was pretty sure was more than he deserved.

Carlos seemed fine right now, his focus entirely on Mr. Thatch and raising his hand every time a question was asked. Jay looked over at Jane’s notes and hastily tried to catch up to the correct point. He sucked on all levels of friendship. He needed to put his stupid worries aside and just focus on helping Carlos.

When school was finally over, Jay felt reluctant for the first time ever to go to the tourney field. Some inner part of him told him it was not safe to leave Carlos’s side. Don’t be stupid, Jay thought, Carlos is just fine. Jim will take care of him.

Jay helped Coach get the necessary equipment out, suddenly feeling nervous that the kids’ parents would not want a villain kid around their children.

“Coach, are these kids royalty?” Jay asked.

“Not most of them, I think the closest to it are Hale, Harry, and Heath but they’re not directly in line for the Dunbroch throne. Don’t worry, you want need to treat them any different. In fact, you got to keep an eye on those rascals- they’re as mischievous as their fathers,” Coach chuckled.

Jay couldn’t really believe that anyone in Auradon was mischievous, let alone mischievous and in line for a throne.

Coach checked his watch, “Let’s head down to the parking lot- the bus should be here any minute.”

Jay tried to set aside his concerns as they took the short walk to the parking. After all, these were kids- they probably wouldn’t even know who he was. As they arrived, a bus pulled into the parking lot and Jay could see excited faces peering out. As soon as the bus stopped, three redheaded boys scurried out, pushing and shoving each other out of the way. Next, a boy came tumbling off the bus in a series of acrobatics that impressed even Jay. Soon they were surrounded by kids, though since they were short, Jay spotted one kid reluctantly and carefully making his was off the bus. He seemed to be the only one not excited to be there. Jay made a mental note to be sure to talk to that kid.

“I saw you on TV!” one skinny kid shouted.

“Yeah fighting a dragon it was so cool!” said the kid next him, a short but stocky kid who sported a black eye.

“What was it like?” asked a third kid who was much bigger than the other two.

Jay suddenly found that at least half the kids were looking at him expectantly. Maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad after all.

“How about I tell you during our break, if you all work real hard?” Jay smiled. The kids nodded.

Two hours later, Jay was tired but happy, having found that most of the kids regarded him as a hero. The one girl in the group, Valentine- who preferred to go by Val- had told Jay he was just like her dad who’d apparently been a thug who’d turned good and helped save Prince Eugene. It was pretty fun to have a bunch of kids look up to him. They had all listened in rapt attention while Jay had told about the confrontation with Maleficent. Telling the story, Jay had actually realized he’d done a pretty good job of being a hero at the coronation, though he’d never thought of it that way. He’d just been trying to protect his friends. Maybe there was hope for him yet. Jay headed to the cafeteria, feeling both hungry and excited to tell his friends about his day.

When he arrived at their favorite table with his tray he was surprised to find a package in front of the one empty spot.

“Doug, can you move your care package from your uncles?” Jay asked politely as he tried to balance his overloaded tray.

“That’s not mine- it’s yours,” Doug said as he scooted it aside so Jay could put his tray down. Jay suddenly realized that Evie and Mal were surreptitiously observing him while they pretended to eat. Jay sat down and began to eat, hoping no one would say anything further about the package.

“Jay, are you going to open it,” Evie said after that all had sat in silence for several awkward minutes.

“Um, I think I’m going to wait,” Jay said. He was sure the package was from Mariam, mother of the woman he murdered. He was also pretty sure he was never going to open.

“Really?” Mal said, “You scared or something?”

“No,” Jay said, “By the way Ben, how are the meetings with the Council going?”

“Do not change the subject, Jay,” Mal said. “Why aren’t you going to open it?”

“Come on Jay- don’t deprive us of the excitement. None of us have ever gotten a package before,” Evie exaggeratedly put on a sad face.

Jay knew they weren’t going to stop and secretly hoped that whatever Mariam had sent him wasn’t going to reveal that she was related to him. He reluctantly picked up the package, tore off the brown wrapping, and opening the box. Inside was the leather bound book, with a note on top. Jay quickly picked up the note, figuring the book probably didn’t mention the woman was Jay’s grandma.

Dear Jay,

I know it’s probably too soon to bother you again and you have no reason to trust us after we left you for all of those years. Even if you never want to meet us, you deserve to get to know your mother.

Love,

Grandma

Jay looked up from the note to find Evie had opened the book and Mal was peering over her shoulder.

“Who are all these pictures of, Jay?” Evie asked cautiously. Jay realized she’d probably already guessed from the way she kept comparing the face on the page to his.

“It’s my mom,” Jay said as casually as possible.

Mal, Evie, Ben, and Doug all stared at him. Evie mutely handed over the album, which was still open. Jay stared down at the beautiful woman on the page, who looked to be about his age in this picture. Jay recognized the smile- it looked exactly like his, as did the shape of her nose. Jay couldn’t really see her hair, and he couldn’t help but wonder if it looked like his. Her eyes, though, seemed completely different than his. His looked like Jafar’s. His grip on the album tightened. She looked happy in the picture, and he had come along and ruined this woman’s life. Permanently. He shut the album and set it back in the box, closing it. He looked up and everyone was still quietly regarding him.

“Who sent it to you?” Mal said softly.

“Umm…my grandma,” Jay said.

“That’s wonderful! Have you met her yet?” Doug said. Unlike Mal and Evie, he seemed unaware of the tension in the air.

“I’d rather not talk about it,” Jay said looking down at his food.

“We’re not jealous,” Evie said carefully, ‘We’re happy for you. You don’t have to hide this- just because Mal and I don’t know who our missing parent is doesn’t mean you have to hide that you’ve found your family.”

“Yeah. Don’t shut us out, Jay,” Mal said.

Jay fiddled with his food, considering whether he should to tell them the real reason he didn’t want anyone knowing He decide a half truth was best: “Honestly, I’m scared knowing who my family is. I always disappointed my dad. What if I disappoint my grandparents? They are good people they don’t deserve that.”

“You won’t disappoint them,” Mal said simply.

“I bet your grandparents are nothing like Jafar. They’re probably like my parents- they’ll love you no matter what,” Ben said, “It’s a wonderful feeling. You should really meet them. It’ll make you all happy.”

Jay was afraid that his grandparents would love him, when he completely didn’t deserve it. If they loved him, it would probably make him the worst villain of all time- making his victims love him unconditionally. Still, he forced a smile.

“Yeah, I’ll write them. But I kind want to do this on my own.”

It would be easy enough to pretend to go visit them, if it really came to that.


	25. Chapter 25

Jay was proud of himself and Dude. Dude now knew a new trick, and clearly was ready to do it again. The dog stood in front of Jay, eagerly wagging his tail.

“Bang,” Jay said with an accompanying gesture.

Dude slumped over and rolled onto his back. He stayed perfectly still for a few moments, then began wagging his tail.

“Good boy, Dude,” Jay bent over to scratch the dog’s belly and offer him a treat. Dude bounded back up to lick Jay’s face. “I can’t believe you’re not worn out after our run together.”

In some ways, life was good. He looked forward to teaching tourney after school each day. Some of the kids had taken to trying to pile on top him at the end of very day- he wasn’t sure if they were trying to take him down or attempt a massive group hug. He suspected it was both, though he had yet to fall over under their weight. He and Evie had started to play video games more regularly since she had lost her usual partner of Carlos….

Thinking of his best friend, Jay felt a confusing array of emotions- he felt lonely because they so rarely spent time together, queasy because being around Carlos (even in a limited fashion) still made Jay lose control of himself, and concerned. Carlos had changed when they had left the island, but he was changing again. While Jay knew love was supposed to do that to people, whatever it was doing to Carlos was not an improvement, in Jay’s opinion.

I am probably just bitter, Jay thought. There was no denying it and also how hard it was for him to bury his resentment towards Jim. Not that there was any point in obsessing over any of this because if Carlos was happy, Jay was happy, he reminded himself firmly. And Carlos certainly had seemed happy all week. Jim was at his side nearly every minute of the day and they were always sneaking off on romantic outings. While he was ashamed to admit it, Jay had spent some of his spare time (in short supply with little league tourney) being coincidently in the same places as the couple, though not in clear sight. Otherwise known as stalking, Jay thought. He had convinced himself he needed to do it because there was something wrong- but there didn’t seem to be anything wrong, well, besides the fact that Jay had become a stalker.

Dude whined and being that it was almost curfew it could only mean one thing-Carlos would be coming through the door at any minute. Jay fished a treat out of the bag- he couldn’t wait to see Carlos’s face when Dude played dead.

Seconds later, Jay heard footsteps and the door swung open revealing a slightly disheveled Carlos, who hastily shut the door. Before Jay could even say anything to introduce the trick, Carlos was talking.

“I need your help, Jay,” he said in a rush.

“Anything,” Jay meant it. He felt himself holding his breath because he had known something had been wrong and he was glad Carlos wanted his help.

Carlos looked away, seeming unsure how to start. Jay felt a fear rising from his stomach, scared of Carlos was going to confirm Jay’s paranoid theory that Jim was hurting Carlos. Not because Jay was scared of confronting Jim- he would gladly do anything to protect Carlos- but because it would mean that Carlos had been hurt intentionally hurt by someone again. Jay had promised himself Cruella would be the last time anyone harmed his best friend without payback.

Carlos was still standing there, looking at the ground, seeming embarrassed and awkward. Dude whined and Carlos absently minded began to petting the puppy with his good hand- focusing his attention on the dog instead of Jay.

“Uh, well, Jim has been…feeling really, uh, down lately,” Carlos said, “He feels all bad about me being hurt and I want to make it up to him. But, like, as a surprise. So… I was wondering if you’d help me surprise him.”

Jay was glad Carlos wasn’t looking at him because Jay’s face must be showing a mixture of relief that Carlos was safe and disappointment that Jim was not going to be out of the picture. Still, he would do whatever Carlos needed.

“Sure, what are you thinking about doing?”

“I’m thinking matching leather bracelets and chocolates,” Carlos said finally looking at Jay.

“That’s a great idea,” Jay said with a forced smile, hating himself for the fact he was wishing he was the one getting a matching bracelet.

“Oh, good- I actually already ordered the bracelets but I need you to pick them up and buy the chocolates,” Carlos was fumbling around in the pocket of his shorts, “I’ve got money for them. Do you have time to pick them up before seven tomorrow? That’s when Jim and I are headed out to the oasis.”

Jay accepted the crumpled cash, “Sure I don’t have little league tomorrow, so I’ll do it right after school.”

“Thanks,” Carlos wrapped Jay in a big hug. Jay desperately hoped that even though Carlos’s face was practically against his chest that the other boy couldn’t hear the gymnastics of his heart. Jay really didn’t want to let go but he forced himself to, before he started to fantasize about anything.

“That’s what friends are for,” he said as he stepped back from Carlos, partially to remind himself to keep his thoughts platonic.

After school, Jay took the walk from the campus grounds to the town center and the mall. He stopped by the correct store pick up the bracelets.

The shopkeeper flashed him a friendly smile, “I hope you and your boyfriend will like them. Each of our items is handcrafted with love and care.”

The proprietor might have said more but Jay didn’t really hear it. He wanted to pretend for just a moment that it was actually true. He would take the bracelets back, present them to Carlos, whose eyes would widen with surprise. Then they’d both wear the bands around campus and even when they were apart, they’d still be together. Suddenly there was a pause , clearly Jay was supposed to respond. “Yeah,” he said hoping it was the correct response.

“I always know true love when I see it. It’s in your eyes,” the shopkeeper handed him the gift bag. Jay hurried on to the candy store just a few shopfronts down, wondering why he was so good at convincing people of practically anything.

Jay got back to Auradon Prep in plenty of time and tucked the gifts into Carlos’s duffle. He then paced the room trying to keep his mind of peeking inside the bag to see the bracelets. He wasn’t sure why he cared so much- but he wanted to know how they matched. Were they simply identical leather bands? Did they have words on them? Finally Jay removed the bag from the duffle, gently lifted the tissue paper and pulled out the box. Setting aside the lid carefully, he inspected the leather pieces. They did indeed seem to be identical, black and red leather plaited together with complex designs in gold on the red and in white on the black. Examining one closer he realized the designs were words. The gold read “Together For Ever After” over and over again but the white seemed to tell a story, “Once upon a time a handsome prince found a boy who was a villain. Even though it was hard sometimes, the prince helped the boy become a better person. The boy was nothing without his prince. Together they lived happily ever after.” Jay set the band down, wishing he hadn’t looked at it. He hastily reassembled the package and put it back in the duffle. Some small part of Jay had finally given up the stupid hope that Carlos didn’t actually love Jim. It was so obviously what Carlos wanted. Jay flopped down on his bed and Dude padded over and gently hoped on the bed. Jay cuddled with Dude, finding himself feeling strangely hollow inside, even though he could feel the pillow slowly getting wet along with his cheeks.


	26. Chapter 26

Jay could hear Carlos’s voice down the hall and his mood instantly improved. Two nights without Carlos had turned into a nightmare, quite literally. Jay’d fall asleep and he’s dreams were all horrible. In one, Jay had found Carlos lying on the ground, covered in burns as if someone had tried to remove all his freckles by fire. And as Jay had bent over to check and see if Carlos was still breathing, a voice behind him accused him. “You’ve hurt someone again.”

Jay turned around and saw his mother standing there, with the vivid detail that the album had so cruelly provided, with the same burns as Carlos. Jay had protested he hadn’t meant to that he only wanted to protect Carlos, whom he cared about more than anything in the world but his mother had cut him off. “Actions speak louder than words. Your actions always lead to this…”

Jay had turned back to see Carlos’s eyes flutter shut and his chest stop rising with such finality that Jay woke up gasping for air.

Dude had tried to comfort him but Jay could not shake the feeling of guilt, panic, and anger at himself. When he finally feel back asleep, dream Jay hurting his mother and Carlos walked in and confronting him. Then dream Jay would fly into a rage when Carlos tried to protect her and Jay would be left screaming at the dream Jay to stop hurting them, but he couldn’t stop himself from harming them.

The dreams had started the night Carlos had left and continued the next night, so that Jay was relieved that collecting the final ingredients for the potion had reduced his hours to sleep and have nightmares. Hopefully if Carlos was back, the dreams would stop.

As Carlos’s voice neared, Jay reminded himself to focus on Carlos’s weekend instead of his own attention-seeking self-destructiveness. Jay heard Carlos struggling to open the door, so he hurried to open it. The door swung open to reveal Carlos awkwardly trying to hold his duffle, a gigantic teddy bear, and an insulated bag in his good hand while trying to use his injured arm to open the door. Jay was slightly surprised Jim was not there to help him, given his overprotective shadowing of Carlos all last week, but Jay quickly steeped forward together the bag, whose softly clinking contents revealed it to be bottled Oasis water, the duffle and the bear.

“Wow,” Jay said, “What is his name?”

“Her name is Dudette. Jim got her for me because I was missing Dude.”

“Dude missed you, too.” Jay inwardly stifled continuing that Dude had missed Jay for the past few weeks, not just the weekend. As he thought this, Dude bounded over to Carlos, who picked the little dog up.

Jay set the bear down on the bed and the bag and the duffle on the table. “How’d it go with your surprise?”

“Good,” Carlos said with a smile though for some reason it didn’t reach his eyes. “Thanks for helping me.”

Jay was unsure what to say next. Was he supposed to ask to see the bracelet? Was that weird? After what felt like a long awkward pause, he said, “Good. Well I’m going to head to bed. It’s hard to sleep without you here.”

Even as Jay was inwardly cursing himself for letting that part slip out, Carlos responded, “Same,” which completely derailed Jay’s self- insults. What did Carlos mean by that? Jay thought. Surely he slept better with Jim? Carlos was just saying it without thinking- the same way that one might accidently tell a waiter to have a nice meal. Yet, Jay couldn’t help but wondering if it meant that, despite all evidence to the contrary, Carlos might actually feel as comforted by him as Jay did feel when Carlos was around. Jay continued the inward debate with himself as he got ready for bed, trying to trample the stupid hope that kept rising up inside him. He wasn’t even sure what he was hoping for.

Jay woke up, covered in sweat, unsure of where he was. While the dream was slipping from his grasp, the horrible guilt and self-loathing lingered. Carlos’s bedside lamp clicked on, illuminating a worried expression. Seeing Carlos seemed almost unreal and too much like his dreams, and Jay feared he was going to hurt the other boy just like his dreams predicted.

“You were screaming, Jay,” Carlos said as he got out of bed and crossed over to Jay’s bed.

As Carlos approached, Jay’s panic rose and he wrapped his arms around him- afraid they would hurt Carlos if he got any closer.

“I’m fine now. Go back to bed,” he managed to choke out.

Carlos hesitated on the rug for a moment, the look in his eyes revealing that he was putting the piece together in his head. It was how Carlos looked when he was repairing something or working on an invention.

“I’m not going to bed, until we talk. I heard you screaming for your mom to come back and to forgive you. It sounds like you’re blaming yourself for her leaving you and Jafar, and I am sure that Jafar is the reason she left. Not you.” Carlos had climbed on to the bed while Jay had been trying not to look at him.

As Carlos spoke, Jay had first wondered how Carlos had not known about Jay killing his mom, since Jafar loved to brag about it- but then Jay remembered that Jafar disliked speaking with children and the fact that Cruella kept Carlos holed up in Hell Hall so he was generally unaware of the island’s rumor mill. Even as he thought about this, he realized he had to tell Carlos the truth. His dreams were probably some kind of warning. Jay hadn’t wanted to tell Carlos for fear of losing him- but clearly if he didn’t let Carlos get away, Jay was going to hurt him.

Carlos was looking at Jay with a compassion that Jay knew he didn’t deserve. Jay too ka deep breath and began to speak the words he knew would blot that feeling out of Carlos. “My mom didn’t leave. She died. I- I- murdered her. That’s what I was screaming about.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Carlos’s brow furrowed in confusion, “I never met her at your father’ shop and I’ve been going there ever since I could remember. You couldn’t have done it- you were too little, and I know that you would never actually hurt anyone. Rob them yes, hurt them no,” Carlos smiled softly at his own comment.

Jay knew he had to convince Carlos of the truth. “You’re wrong. I killed her when I was born. Don’t you see? I hurt any good people I come in contact with. I hurt her and I hurt you. ” Jay glanced at Carlos’s neck, even though the bruises were long gone. “I am horrible. I was born a villain and I’ll always be a villain.”

Carlos mouth moved, as if he was unsure what to say. Jay knew Carlos was going to tell him they couldn’t be friends anymore and certainly not be roommates, that Jay was liar and rotten to the core. Still, like the self-centered villain he was, Jay was crying. He looked away so that Carlos wouldn’t see. Suddenly, Carlos was hugging him from behind and Jay hated himself for liking it. How was it that Carlos made him feel good even when he deserved to feel bad?

“How can you think that Jay? It must have been an accident. It wasn’t your fault. You are not a villain, your whole life you’ve helped others out. Especially me.”

Jay couldn’t will himself out of Carlos’s embrace but still he knew he couldn’t let Carlos believe Jay was good.

“My dad said I did. He’d know he was there. He said I tore her up and she bled to death.”

“That’s a lie, Jay. Your dad is lying.”

Jay was still crying and he tried to keep his voice steady, “Why would he lie about that? He was proud of me for doing it.”

“I don’t know. Maybe because he thought you’d love your mother more than him, even if she was dead. Maybe because he wanted to brag about you to other people. Maybe because when you were little he saw you were a good person and he wanted to stamp that out.”

“Maybe…” Jay agreed hesitantly. Jafar manipulated people all the time but was he just believing Carlos because he didn’t want to face his true self?

Carlos let Jay go gently, and Jay instantly missed the feeling. “Look at me Jay,” Carlos said gently.

Jay did.

“You were a baby, you couldn’t have killed her. It was an infection or the fact there were no hospitals on the island to give her proper care. It wasn’t you.”

Carlos was so smart, Jay wanted to believe that it wasn’t his fault but he still felt guilty. Tears continued to slide down his face and he shifted his gaze away from Carlos’s intense stare.

“Look at it this way.” There was a note of desperation in Carlos’s voice. Why does he care so much about me? Jay thought. Carlos continued, “To murder someone you’d have to have wanted to do that. You were a baby- you didn’t know anything. You had no motive.”

“I didn’t need one. I’m just bad.” Jay felt frustrated too- why was Carlos being so understanding about this? He didn’t get how bad of a person Jay was.

“If you’re bad then why are you having nightmares about it? Why are you crying? Why are you so clearly ashamed and angry at yourself? Villains don’t care. Villains don’t feel sorry. They don’t lose any sleep over their evil deeds,” Carlos was speaking with a fiery intensity, his voice rising with every statement, but then it softened. “But you care, Jay, because you are good. You said you’ve hurt me, but you haven’t. You have always been there for me. I wouldn’t be here if not for you. I would have starved to death one of the times that Cruella locked the pantry for a week as a punishment or bled to death if you hadn’t bandaged me up. I can’t have you hating yourself.”

Carlos was crying and Jay knew it was his fault. Still, he couldn’t help but wonder if Carlos was right. Was the fact he felt guilty proof that he wasn’t bad? Maybe not that he was good- Carlos being Carlos would exaggerated Jay’s righteousness- but maybe just maybe he wasn’t bad. He certainly wanted to make Carlos feel better; he knew what to say to make that happen, but he also was going to be honest.

“I want to believe what you’re saying, but it’s hard. Maybe I’m having these nightmares because they are a sign that I did it, not that I am guilty. I’m scared I just want to believe you to let myself off the hook.”

“The fact that you’re worried about letting yourself off to easy proves you’re good. Jay- if I can’t convince you tonight that this isn’t your fault so be it. I will keep trying until you believe me. Maybe you can talk to someone else about it? Someone who cares about you- not Jafar.” Carlos tried to lighten the mood.

As Carlos spoke, for some reason, Miriam sprang instantly to Jay’s mind. The authorities had told her what had happened- whatever they said must have been the truth. He found himself telling Carlos about Miriam and actually agreeing to write to her with Carlos’s gentle encouragement. Finally the conversation wound down and they sat on the bed looking at each other.

“It kind of hurts that you were keeping this all from me,” Carlos said.

“Well, I felt like you had Jim now, and you didn’t really want to be friend anymore.” Jay was surprised by his own honesty.

“I still want to be friends.”

Jay pushed himself to say the words that were the truth even if they hurt Carlos. For some reason, right now being honest seemed important, “It doesn’t feel like that. You’re always gone. I never even had time to think about telling you.”

“I’m sorry, “Carlos sighed, “It’s hard figuring out how to balance a relationship and the rest of my life. I’m trying- but I’ll try harder.”

Somehow, hearing that made Jay feel less bitter.

“It’s ok. Knowing you are trying and still want to be friends is such a huge relief.” Jay said. He was still worried about something though, “I just felt like…. well, you know the bruises on your neck? I know I did that on accident when I was sleeping. I thought I had ruined our friendship that you were safer without me.”

Carlos looked crestfallen, “Jay you didn’t hurt me- not even accidently.” He hesitated. “You have to believe me I just fell. I wasn’t your fault.”

Jay nodded, hearing the truth in Carlos’s words when he said Jay hadn’t done it. While relieved that he hadn’t actually hurt his best friend, Jay felt emotionally drained by the conversation and felt himself yawning.

“Let’s go back to sleep,” Carlos began to burrow under the blankets.

“This isn’t your bed, Carlos,” Jay said feeling panic rising in his chest at the thought of sleeping next to him. All this honesty and crying was making Jay feel too emotional, he was scared he’d act on those feelings if Carlos slept net to him.

“Oh,” Carlo’s face colored, “Sorry about that. I’ll head back to my bed, if you want me to.”

“Yeah, no offense Carlos,” Jay said as casually as possible, trying to hide his own feelings.

“None taken,” Carlos headed back to his bed and turned off the light.

As Jay lay in bed, thoughts swirling in his head he realized that Carlos still had acted like he was lying when he said the bruises were caused by an accident. Jay might not have done it- but someone else had.


	27. Chapter 27

Jay turned the envelope over and over again in his hands, nervous to find out what was inside. For the past three days, he had swung between hope and loathing- was it possible that Carlos was right and that his mom dying wasn’t his fault? If that were the case, was it possible that Jay wasn’t all bad. Carlos certainly was sticking to his word at trying to convince Jay it wasn’t his fault. Last night, Carlos had pointed out that if Jay’s grandmother had received an official report of her daughters death, then she would already know if it was Jay’s fault or not, and that at the very least Jay didn’t have to feel guilty about deceiving her. Jay wished he had kept the first letter so he could analyze it for clues- he hadn’t even finished reading it. He was such an idiot.

Jay began pacing the room, it would only be a few minutes until curfew. Over the last few days they had fallen into a routine, Carlos would get back to the room and they would talk for a couple of hours, and then finally when they were too tired to talk, they’d quickly get ready for bed. Last night, probably from staying up repeatedly, they both had somehow managed to drift off fully clothed, with the lights on. Jay had woke up in the morning surprisingly refreshed for sharing a bed and not even having made it under the covers. He glanced at the time again- Carlos was late. Hopefully, the hall monitor was checking the girls’ side first. He realized Dude was looking agitated and was watching Jay pace back and forth. Jay sat down on the bed next to Dude and tried to calm himself and the dog. He was grateful that a response to the note he’d sent on Monday had come so soon, but he was unsure if it was a good or bad sign.

Jay heard movement outside the room and wondered whether he should set the envelope down to look more casual. He set it down on the nightstand and hastily sprawled on the bed to look relaxed as the door opened.

“Umm, Jim wanted talk to you for a minute- alone,” Carlos bit his lip, “I’ll be right back.”

Before Jay could even wonder where possibly Carlos could go since it was his room too, the freckled boy was headed off down the hall. Jim entered the room and shut the door, took a few strides over to the eir table and pulled out a chair.

“Take a seat,” Jay said, even as he did he realized his tone sounded angry, not pleasant. The older boy never failed to get under Jay’s skin- this time because he was acting like it was his room that he could just dismiss Carlos from.

“It’s past curfew so I’ll make this short. Why have the lights in your room been on until, like, one in the morning?” Jim asked in a cheerful tone.

Jay looked at him blankly, wondering why Jim hadn’t just asked Carlos. Jay voiced this opinion aloud, annoyed he couldn’t keep his voice in the same nonchalant tone as Jim. It made him feel like he was on the defensive.

“I didn’t want to bother him about it. Plus I trust that you have no reason to lie to me,” Jim smile did not reach his eyes.

Jay ran his fingers through his hair, suddenly realizing there was no way Jim would take kindly to the fact Jay had slept in the same bed as Carlos last night, “We were just talking, y’know, like friends do.”

Jim stared at him, and Jay felt like he had said something wrong.

“I mean, we’ve been friends along time so sometimes we lose track of the time when we’re talking.”

Jim nodded slowly, “I see, it’s just is that really a priority- to talk that late? Isn’t it better if you slept.”

Jay suddenly didn’t care about acting nice, Jim was being condescending, “It’s none of your business what I do. You have no right to tell me what my “priorities” should be. Honestly, I’d prefer if you get out of my room now.”

“I’m just trying to do what’s best for everyone, but in the end Carlos is my priority. I realize he isn’t your first priority but still, you shouldn’t monopolize the time he needs for rest.” Jim stood up, but somehow Jay did not feel like this was because the other boy was getting ready to leave.

Jay stood up from his bed, “I’m not the one monopolizing Carlos’s time.”

“Are you saying I monopolize his time? He’s the one who chooses to be with me. I’ve tried to be nice to you- but you just seem to hate me. Is it because he chose me over you? I can’t help that.”

“Shut up, Jim,” Jay took a step towards him.

“Won’t change the truth,” Jim said. His eyes seemed taunting as he mimicked exactly the way Jay had stepped toward him, “Nothing you do or say is going to change the fact that I am better than you. Though I really can’t see why that would bother you- unless you have feelings for him.”

Jay felt blood rush to his head and he closed the distance between them, trying to stare the other boy down. “If you don’t shut up, I will have to shut you up,” Jay said clenching his fists and tensing his muscles.

“Did that scare the cowardly villains back on the island? You forget I’m the son of the man who defeated your father- I’m not scared of you. I know you’re worthless. Carlos does too, he’s just too nice to say it to your face.”

Jim caught Jay’s hand before jay had even realized he had tried to punch him.

“Do you really want to hurt me Jay? You will only be hurting yourself. If you hit me- do you really think Carlos is going to take your side? That you’ll stay friends.”

Jay tried to free his hand from Jim’s surprisingly tight grasp. This guy was much stronger than Ben or even TJ and the other guys on tourney. Jim held his forearm tighter, though Jay was careful not to let the pain show on his face. The two stared at each other, though Jay felt fear uncurling inside of him. Not of Jim himself, but if what he said was true. The last time he’d gotten this mad at Jim he had been scared Carlos would never forgive him. Carlos might not give him another chance. Jim seemed to sense the anger had gone out of Jay and he released Jay’s arm.

“I’m sorry it had to come to this Jay. Though, I think you should consider if it is appropriate to remain Carlos’s roommate. He could move in with me, since as an upperclassman I have a double to myself. You’d have more space, Carlos would be happy. Think about it,” Jim flashed Jay a smile and turned to leave, “I’ll go to tell Carlos we’re done here.”

As the door shut, Dude bounded off the bed, whining slightly. Jay petted the little dog, feeling angry at himself for being pushed around but afraid that he was just mad because he didn’t want to face the truth.

“Everything ok?” Carlos said as he came.

“Yeah, it was nothing,” Jay said thinking quickly, “or rather it’s a secret. I can’t spoil the surprise.”

Carlos nodded and picked up Dude, “How was your day? Anything in your mailbox?”

“Yeah,” Jay started but then he thought about his priorities and said, “Actually I’m tired, maybe we can talk about it in the morning?”

“That bad? I was sure the note would prove my point,” Carlos said, “Can I at least read it?”

“Actually, I haven’t opened it yet.”

“Oh,” Carlos’s eyes shifted around the room, “You’re avoiding finding out by pretending you’re tired.”

Carlos located the note on the nightstand and darted around to grab it. Jay almost stopped him, but suddenly had a weird sense of deja vu. All his problems had begun when he tried to prevent Carlos from opening an envelope. Carlos picked up the envelope and offered it to him.

“Avoiding things is only going to make it worse,” he said. “I’ll be here for you, no matter what it says.”

Jay took the envelope and quickly opened it, pulling out the thin sheet of paper inside. The envelope fell to the floor as he scanned the note.

“I don’t know what any of these words mean,” Jay offered the note to Carlos, “and I’m too nervous.”

Jay wasn’t sure what to do with himself as he watched Carlos carefully reading the note, unsure what to make of Carlo’s expression, which definitely changed as he read the note. Finally Carlos looked up.

“Jay, your mother died because of septic shock. She got an infection after giving birth to you,um I’d rather not go into detail about that- it’ll just scare you, and..” Carlos had tears in his eyes, “It spread to too many parts of her system. It’s sometimes called blood poisoining. She actually lived for a few days after you were born. Your grandma said that comforted her, knowing that Dalal got to hold you after you were born.”

“So it wasn’t my fault?” Jay said.

“No, Miriam even says she was horrified you thought that was the case. She really wants to talk about it in person,” Carlos said, “It’s like I said- the isle of the lost conditions killed her, not you.”

Jay was crying though for once it was in relief. Through his tears, he saw Carlos set the letter down gently and come towards Jay to hug him. Jay let Carlos hold him, as he sobbed.

“I knew it wasn’t your fault,” Carlos said

“It wasn’t my fault,” Jay tested the words out, finding the rang true.

The two stood in silence for several minutes, until Dud bound off the bed to bark at some disturbance outside.

“Shh..” Carlos picked up Dude, “You’re going to get me in trouble.”

Jay suddenly really did feel exhausted.

“I don’t think I can handle anymore emotions today,” Jay said with a smile, “I need to go to bed.”

Carlos smiled, “Just happiness now, right?”

“I’m getting there,” Jay said and tousled Carlos’s hair.

“Well, if this’ll cheer you up, my cast comes off tomorrow?”

“So soon?” Jay was surprised.

“That oasis magic works fast, it’s a good thing it can’t be banned.”

Though Jay fell asleep with a sense of relief and his dreams were no longer troubled with images of his mom, they had been replaced with dreams of Jim and Carlos. Jay slept uneasily and woke in the morning glad he could do something about it in two evening’s time.


	28. Chapter 28

Jay sat nervously in the waiting room of the doctor’s office, worried that Carlos’s arm was going to be cut off somehow in the cast removal process. Jay had opted not to be the one “family member” permitted and to stay outside just in case his presence would make something else bad happen to Carlos. He probably wouldn’t be here at all except the seniors were all in some mandatory after school meeting and Jim couldn’t come, so ben had arranged a ride for the four of them. Next to him Mal had her feet propped up on the table, absent mindedly sucking a lollipop.

“I can’t believe only one of us is allowed back there. I still think it should have been you, Jay,” Mal said twirling the hard candy idly in one hand.

“Evie’s the best at this kind of thing,” Jay said, “Plus who knows? She might be a doctor someday.”

“Yeah,” Mal glanced over at the opposite corner of the room where a bulky man in sunglasses and a sharp suit stood. “Sometimes I think Mr. B is here to make sure I don’t misbehave and get myself in the newspapers, and embarrass belle and beast. Being our chauffeur is secondary, I feel like I can feel him judging me.”

She removed her feet from the table. Jay could have sworn Mr. B nodded slightly, and Jay wondered what his full name was. Still, Mal couldn’t distract Jay for long and he was back to thinking about Carlos again before he knew it. For some strange reason, Jay’s brain kept feeling like Carlos was safer with the cast on- which made no logical sense, but logic had not been Jay’s specialty as of late.

Mal had begun to flip through a magazine nonchalantly. Jay shifted in his chair trying to stop himself from worrying about Carlos. He ran his hand through his hair several times.

“C told us about your mom, Jay,” Mal said noticing his discomfort. “I’d heard that rumor when I was younger but it just didn’t seem right. Maybe because I know you- you only ever cared about stealing, you never even wanted hurt anyone, you big softie.” She shoved him playfully.

“I am not a softie- have you seen me on the tourney field?” Jay said.

“Yeah, and the one time T.J. pretended you injured him I saw the look on your face. You never really want to hurt anyone.”

“What about the time I beat up both Gastons?”

“Well, that was because they hurt Carlos. Things are different for you when it’s about him,” Mal said, “You’re almost like his big brother- nobody can tease Carlos except his family- you, me and E.”

Jay nodded, though his stomach clenched. He wondered if he should tell Mal about his wild suspicion that Carlos was being much more than teased right now by a particular son of a princess and a hero.

Suddenly the door burst open and Carlos was barreling toward Jay.

“My arm smells funny,” he said and held his arm up to Jay’s nose.

Jay smelled it and wrinkled his nose, “Gross, Dude.” He tousled Carlos’s white tipped hair.

“You want to smell it?” Carlos offered his arm toward Mal, who shook her head.

“Actually, Carlos’s arm is pretty good all things considered,” Evie said as she came up behind them, having walked at a more princess-like pace, “His muscles hadn’t atrophied very much since he was in the cast for a lot shorter amount of time. Still, the doctor said you need to be careful with your arm for the next couple of days. No real exercise- just the things she said you can do.”

Carlos nodded.

“What’s atrophied,” Jay said, worried- it sounded like a disease.

“It means my muscles got smaller due to lack of use,” Carlos held out his arms next to each other for comparison. The right one did in fact look smaller. Carlos’s smiled sweetly and turned to Evie, “I still get to go to the party on Saturday right?”

“I’m not your mom,” Evie laughed, “Of course you can go.”

“What party?” Jay said.

“Doug’s birthday? What we’ve been talking about all week?” Evie rolled her eyes. “Please tell me you didn’t forget.”

“No,” Jay said, though he really felt like no one had told him about it. “When’s it going to be again?”

“Saturday night,” Evie continued, reading Jay’s expression to be one of complete ignorance, “In the dwarf mines. It’s some kind of tradition of theirs for a boy’s seventeenth. The whole school was invited. We all get a gem at dawn. No gifts required.”

Jay smiled broadly and nodded, but inwardly the idea of getting a gem seemed less appealing than normal. Saturday night was the full moon- Jay hadn’t spent the last month gathering the supplies for his spell just to miss the actual implementation. Plus, he needed the spell more than ever now- Jay was getting downright paranoid and obsessed about Carlos. In addition to his very inappropriate crush on his best friend, he had started making up this elaborate story in his head about why Jim and Carlos weren’t right together. It went like this- if Jay hadn’t almost strangled Carlos, then odds were Jim had- since Carlos spent time with no one else. And then the next he’d gotten a phone- like as an apology gift. Then later Jim wanted to go on vacation, Carlos didn’t and one broken arm later off they went. What if Jim had done that? What if Carlos wasn’t changing around Jay because there were other bruises? Maybe even the reason Jim had been so crazy last night in his “discussion” with Jay was because Jim was worried Jay was onto him.

But there were major problems with Jay’s theory. If Carlos was getting hurt, he would have told Jay. Jay had always protected Carlos. Second- Jim was not from the Isle of Lost, he had good guy blood running through him and probably was capable of little more than composing love songs at the drop of the hat. Third and most importantly, his ideas probably were just because Jay didn’t want to admit that the one who was bad for Carlos was himself. Jim had probably been right when he had said Jay wasn’t an appropriate roommate for Carlos. Jay was just lashing out and making Jim seem like the bad guy, when Jay really was. On the island, several of the villains always maintained that they were wrongfully accused of villainy- especially Mother Gothel. On and on she’d talk about how Rapunzel had just made her into “the bad guy” and she had always had everyone’s best interests at heart. Now that Jay had met some princesses and princes, he was starting to doubt that. He had added blaming others to his list of villainous traits a long time ago. Imaginings of abusive relationship between two people destined to be together was just taking it one step further.

Now that Jay was coming to terms with the fact he didn’t kill his mother; he didn’t need the potion to forget that. He didn’t want to forget her, and someday soon he wanted to meet his grandmother. What he did want was to forget all his feelings for Carlos, well, all the inappropriate ones- the wild theories, obsessive-protective nonsense and all the lustful thoughts. Then he’d be able to be the best friend Carlos deserved.

While he knew Evie would kill him if he skipped Doug’s party, surely he could sneak off around midnight and brew the potion and spend the time necessary to forget the memories. What could possibly go wrong?


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Abuse within a relationship, please skip this chapter if you think it might be triggering- I will provide a less upsetting recap so you can continue the story without reading this one.

A party in a dwarf mine was a lot better than it sounded. Jay had been sure he’d be hitting his head on low ceilings all night- but the party was confined to some beautifully vaulted caverns with smooth floors punctuated by smooth rock spires that reached towards similar ones that almost seemed to drip down from the ceiling. Jay remembered learning something about these stalactites and stalagmites from Doc in science- but he couldn’t remember which was which.

The largest cavern had been filled with blinking lights, a sound system with a strong bass, and dozens of teenage bodies dancing to the beat. Jay was pretty sure that no one had skipped out on the party- who didn’t want a free gem? There were a number of faces he didn’t recognize in the crowd, most likely kids from other schools. Several of Doug’s uncles were patrolling the dance hall for any inappropriate behavior, something Grumpy seemed to be the most effective at discouraging. Off to one side, a smaller cavern had been sprinkled with armchairs and benches for people to rest on. How much rest one could actually get was doubtful, considering the music echoed around the smaller cavern. Jay had briefly considered brewing his potion in this cavern, until he realized that in addition to the distracting sound the Fairy Godmother had stationed herself in this room- clearly deciding that here, rather than the dance floor, would be a prime spot for teenage romantic encounters.

Returning to the main cavern, Jay immediately eliminated heading back towards where they entered- that way had been locked off. Who had a tradition that involved locking people into a section of a mine for almost 12 hours? Jay wondered. Dwarves did, apparently. That left one of the two other tunnels branching off the cavern to consider. Going through the first, he was surprised to discover that the tunnel became rough, hewn from rock rather than carved out by water as in the two previous spaces had been. The tunnel dead ended with two doors on each side of the tunnel- clearly marked as bathrooms. One was currently occupied, and by checking the second, he found a simple room though he could only assume the plumbing was magical- or maybe not, he’d need Carlos’s help to figure it out. He decided to save the bathroom as a last resort potion-making destination. Since he need it for over an hour and there were at least 200 kids down here and only 2 restrooms, someone would notice pretty quickly that one was always occupied.

Jay head back up the tunnel and then turned to the final tunnel, which was quite long and narrow. Jay actually had to hunch over as he walked. Thankfully, the tunnel opened up into a cavern almost as large as the main one- however this one was mostly occupied by a fenced off lake. On the side closest to the entrance, the smooth floor had tables were stacked high with food, interspersed between the stalactites, and stalagmites. The space was very full of food, rock, and lake, but fairly people free. Jay edged his way around the tables and rocks to see if there might be a quiet nook were he could work undisturbed. He neared the lake without spotting anything very suitable. He turned around and began to weave his way back. Almost ready to give up and try the bathroom instead, Jay spotted a door rising out of the rock face to the left of the entrance. The door was locked, but that should be no problem for Jay.

His fingers quickly extracted his lock picking tools from the pocket of his vest. After a quickly glance around, Jay swiftly inserted his instruments and a few expert moment later felt the mechanism click and opened the door. As he stepped into the room- which seemed to be hewn out of the rock- and shut the heavy door. He immediately could not hear the sounds of the party anymore, which was perfect. Surprisingly, the room was not as dark as he expected, a soft glow seeming to emanate from the ceiling. Jay didn’t know if it was magic or not, but the glow allowed him to assess the room. It was some kind of storage area- filled mostly with wooden crates and some parts to the mine carts. As he finished slowly turning around to get used to his surroundings as well as the lower light, Jay noticed the door could be locked from the inside, which he promptly did so that no one would disturb him. He then maneuvered his way over to one of the crates and began digging the various ingredients out of his pocket, as well as his rumpled up copy of the spell and a bottle in which to combine the ingredients. Jay reviewed the spell carefully, as the watch he’d lifted off a classmate informed him there were still ten minutes to midnight.

He need to combine the ingredients- a surprisingly simple task since he’d already ground the majority of the dried ingredients that required no heat and very little stirring, drink the contents and then spend an hour thinking about what he wanted to forget. Jay realized he hadn’t really bothered to write down the warnings that Mal’s ancestors had written. He couldn’t remember much of that anyways and it probably didn’t matter. Jay checked the watch- one minute, he’d better start brewing the potion.

Jay poured the water from the enchanted lake into the bottle, followed by a few drops of oil from the crushed wormwood, and a quick stir. Despite both ingredients being colorless, the liquid turned a sickening green, which Jay did not find comforting. A pinch of begonia root later and the potion began to let off a slight steam. Jay wondered if he really knew what he was doing, but he was sick of worrying about everything. A pinch of cyclamen leaves (which brought on a repugnant smell altogether different from that of the leaves), zinnia petals (which caused the potion to congeal and become difficult to stir), and finally hyssop (which simply mixed into the potion and caused no significant changes) completed the potion. Jay looked at the green, almost pudding-like, stinking, steaming mess. Somehow, he thought it’d be more like the love-potion cookies. Mal’s stuff always looked like delicious baked goods. This thing…didn’t.

Plugging his nose with one hand, Jay stood up and tipped the bottle back, and the mixture slowly slithered its way into his mouth. Jay gulped the whole thing down quickly, glad that it tasted only half as bad as it smelled. Jay sat still, realizing he should have thought more about which precise memories he was going to target. He didn’t want to forget Carlos altogether. Trying not to panic, Jay suddenly realized he felt very, very warm and his body felt like jelly. The bottle slipped from his grasp and Jay’s legs gave way beneath him and he fell behind the crate. Surprisingly, he felt no pain and could barely felt the rough floor beneath him. However, when he tried to get up or even move a finger, he found he couldn’t. Obviously the potion was doing something to his muscles.

Jay took a shallow breath, pleased he could still manage this with only a little difficulty and tried to decide what exact memories were help him forget his inappropriate feelings for Carlos. He supposed it was thinking about the things that made his heart go wild and his body feel hot and tingly. So…the time Carlos had put his arms around Jay’s neck in Introduction to Goodness, any time Carlos touched Jay’s hair, when Carlos wrestled Jay to the ground and got on top of him… But it was so much more than just when Carlos touched him: the look Carlos gave Jay when he wanted sweets, the way Carlos looked when he was working on an invention: his lips a thin line of concentration, his eyes squinting as he put together two pieces of wire, the way Carlos’s eyes widened whenever someone said something nice to him- like Carlos never could quite believe someone was praising him, the way Carlos had freckles sprinkled all over him like he was some kind of tasty treat…

Jay winced at that last thought. He was such a creep. Oh well, maybe it was probably best he thought his worst thoughts now so that he would forget them. Jay wanted to kiss every single one of Carlos freckles in a series of elaborate connect the dots…

A scraping noise interrupted Jay’s imaginings. Someone was about to enter the room. Jay tried to move into a better hiding place, but for all his efforts, his body wouldn’t move in the slightest. All Jay could do is hope whatever dwarf was entering would not notice him- Jay was pretty sure he was fairly well hidden by the crate and darkness, but he was going to be discovered if the dwarf had brought a light. A noise and the light that entered the room let Jay know someone had indeed opened the door, but all he could see was the crate in front of him. The door shut and Jay heard the sound of something being shoved up against it- even as Jay began to wonder why a dwarf would do that, he realized that it wasn’t one of Doug’s uncles.

“How dare you embarrass me in public like that,” Jim’s voice was a hiss that cut through the soft glow of the room.

“I didn’t mean to. I don’t even know what I did, but I’m sorry.”

Jay felt himself tensing at the sound of fear in Carlos’s voice, but there was little he could do about it. He really didn’t want to hear the two fight, but Jay knew he was overreacting in thinking it would be anything more than words. They’d probably talk it out and then Jay would have to ignore them making out while he tried to forget his feelings for Carlos. So awkward, he thought. The silence dragged on for several seconds.

“Seriously? You don’t even know when you’re hurting my feelings? Don’t you care about me at all?”

If Jay didn’t know that Jim was a prince, he would have described the tone as a deadly calm that sounded like it would break into full anger at any moment.

“I do care about you, Jim. I love you. I’m sorry I messed up.”

Carlos sounded so earnest. Jay wished he was anywhere but hearing Carlos say he loved some other guy.

“You can’t be sorry if you don’t even know what you’ve done wrong. You really are from the Isle of the Lost, aren’t you? You can even figure out what bad behavior is. That or you’re an idiot.”

Screw this stupid potion, thought Jay. Prince or not- nobody disrespects Carlos like that, even if they are mad or Carlos had done something wrong. Jay hated the fact he couldn’t move. Mentally, Jay threw curse words at Jim. At least the other boy wasn’t hitting Carlos.

“Is it because I was talking to Mal and Evie earlier? I thought it was alright because you were talking to your friends.”

“You’re getting closer. But at least those two are actually making an effort not to be villains- you know who the real problem is.”

“I haven’t seen Jay all night,” Carlos protested.

Jay was glad to know that Jim disliked him. It would make it all the easier to smash his face in as soon as Jay could move again.

“Yeah, I noticed,” Jim’s voice was getting soft but somehow scarier. “I noticed that you have been looking for him all night long.”

“I haven’t been. I promise. I’m happiest with you- Jay is just my friend,” Carlos sounded desperate, “Jim, this is all in your head.”

“All in my head?” Each word seemed to fill them room separately and Jay began to wonder if he had been right about Jim being violent after all.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Carlos said. Jay heard a shuffling sound that he imagined was Carlos trying to move away from Jim.

“No I think you did mean it. You don’t believe me when I say Jay’s bad news. But you won’t distance yourself from him. I think you like the attention. You like thinking he cares about you.”

“That isn’t true.”

“You are damn right, it’s not true because Jay doesn’t care about you. I care about you,” Jim said though his tone seemed to portray the exact opposite to Jay, “I am the one who loves you. I am the only one- even your own mother didn’t love you.”

The silence stretched on for several minutes and Jay figured that Carlos was crying- but silently like he usually did when Carlos didn’t want attention. Jay certainly was, apparently the only action besides breathing he could manage right now. He wasn’t sure what was worse- knowing Carlos had been going through this without Jay’s help or having to sit there and do nothing about it. Just because Jim wasn’t actually physically hurting Carlos, didn’t mean this wasn’t abuse. Jim was not the only one who loved Carlos- Evie did, Mal did, Dude did, and Jay did. It wasn’t like romantic love was the only kind out there. Except Jay really did-

Jim’s voice froze Jay’s thought, “Am I right? I need to hear you say it. Not just sit here wondering if you think I am wrong.”

“You’re right,” Carlos’s voice was almost a whisper.

“About what?”

“You’re the only one who loves me.”

Jim swore softly, “You are so hot like this.”

There was a low moan- Jay preferred not to figure out who from as he was suddenly gratefully that the box blocked his view. How could Carlos make out with someone like that? Couldn’t he see that Jim was hurting him? As the sounds continued, Jay distracted himself by imagining what he would do to Jim when he could move again. Finally, the two must have pulled away from each other, and Jay could hear soft panting.

“Isn’t the ceiling beautiful?” Carlos seemed entranced, “it is called phosphorescence- there must be a radioactive element in the mineral-”

“Don’t change the subject, Carlos. Kissing isn’t going to solve the problem.”

“Listen, I know Jay upsets you but you have nothing to worry about. How can I prove it to you that Jay isn’t a problem?”

Jay hated himself for the fact his heart felt like it was being crushed by Carlos’s words. How selfish did he have to be to be wrapped up in his own stupid feelings when Carlos was clearly the most hurt? Jay had not right to feel anything but raging anger at Jim.

“You really do want to prove it to me?” Jim sounded less angry.

“Yes, of course, I hate to make you upset. I want us to be happy.”

“I want us to be happy, too. I try so hard to ignore your faults, Carlos.”

How can Carlos have any faults besides liking Jim? Jay wondered

“I know you do. I’m so lucky.”

“Then you’ll do something to make us happier?” Jim’s voice was soft now, but had lost the edge of earlier. Jay hated to admit it, but it seemed affectionate.

“Anything,” Carlos matched Jim’s tone.

“Move in with me! I have an extra bed and Fairy Godmother loves me. If I ask her, she’ll agree to it- you just need to say yes.”

If Jay could, he wouldn’t just be shuddering on the inside. If Carlos moved in with Jim, it’d be like he was returning to Cruella’s house- with a bed and just the emotional abuse, but pretty much the same thing.

“You’re hesitating,” Jim’s hard voice was punctuated by the sound a fist making contact with bone. Jay had never been less happy to be right about a suspicion. Jay struggled to move or shout or do anything. The blows continued to punctuate Jim’s next words, “Why didn’t you say yes immediately?”

“I’m sorry.” Carlos cried which seemed to stop the blows. For a few moments, all Jay could hear was breathing. Jay was going to kill Jim as soon as he get himself off the floor, then Jay was going to spell Jim alive again and Jay would kill him again- one time for every time he’d hurt Carlos.

Jay’s anger continued as Carlos began to speak again. “Of course, I’ll move in with you. I shouldn’t have hesitated.”

Carlos’s voice was shaking. Jay wished that he could grab Carlos and take him far, far away from Jim.

“Now you’re scared of me.” Jim’s voice was hard, “Why do you do this? Why do you make me so mad? Why can’t you be good right away?”

“I’m not scared of you. I love you. Please don’t be angry,” Carlos was trying to steady his voice.

“It’s not that simple, Carlos. You can’t just be bad, make someone mad and expect them to stop just because you ask,” Jim’s voice was getting steely and cold again, “When you’re bad, you force me to punish you. I hope you see that this hurts me worse than it hurts you.”

“I know, Jim. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t sound sorry- yet,” Jim’s words made Jay very afraid for Carlos . He couldn’t handle lying here, unable to do anything, unable to protect Carlos, unable to stop Jim.

Jay heard the sound of a belt being loosened and he felt cold all over. He had been right all along and he had done nothing to protect Carlos. He desperately tried to move, hating himself for not being there for Carlos.

“Please don’t,” Carlos whispered.

“You know I have to,” the sound of Jim’s voice mad Jay struggle all the harder as Jim’s voice softened, “How else are you going to become a good boy?”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jay blinked away some tears, suddenly feeling sore all over, as if he had strained all his muscles to their maximum limit. What was going on? Had the spell worked? He got up carefully as he evaluated his feelings for Carlos- no change there. Jay would have to try again next month. His head felt foggy as he opened the door and slipped out. He then used his tools to relock the door so that dwarves wouldn’t be suspicious. Jay suddenly realized he was starving. He headed over to the chocolate fountain he’d remembered seeing earlier.

As he got close, he saw Jim feeding Carlos a marshmallow dipped in chocolate. Why did he have to have a crush one half of the most perfect couple Jay had ever met, he wondered. Jim was such a great guy, perfect for Carlos. Jay decided to get pizza from a different table instead.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recap for those who skipped the last chapter: While at Doug’s party, Jay takes the forgetting potion and unintentionally witness Jim abusing Carlos while he is incapacitated. having spent an hour thinking about this instead of his feelings for Carlos, Jay forgets all his suspicions about Jim and the abuse itself.

Jay woke up feeling very disoriented. Sunlight was streaming through the window and his muscles screamed in protest as he tried to shift away from the light. He was fully clothed except for his boots and his hair was a knotty mess. It took him a second to realize why he was asleep in what seemed to be the midafternoon- a stupid dwarf tradition that had keep him up until dawn. Not that Jay hadn’t had a good time, after the stupid memory potion hadn’t worked. He realized there was a far more efficient way to forget his feelings for Carlos and had spent the rest of the night (well, morning) flirting with various princesses. Jay was pretty sure if he just starting dating someone he’d get over his Carlos obsession quickly. Jay just needed an outlet for his feelings.

He lay in bed staring at the canopy, still feeling a little groggy. It was almost like he was missing something- something important. There was dull ache not just in his muscles but in his head. Stupid party until dawn… Jay had barely remembered the bus ride home- other than the fact that having Punzie asleep on his shoulder had meant he had to stay awake, bleary eyed and lonely- and then he’d stumbled into bed. He had fallen asleep immediately, he hadn’t even heard Carlos come in. He shifted his head so he could glance at Carlos’s bed, wincing. Carlos’s bed was neatly made and Dude was spread out, chest up on Carlos’s pillow, but there was no Carlos. Had Carlos come back at all last night? Jay wondered.

Jay slowly dragged himself out of bed, trying to run his fingers through his hair. His fingers made short work of most of the tangles, but his hair felt greasy. Jay yawned and grabbed his shower stuff. The hot water would hopefully ease the fact his body felt like it had been pummeled- that potion had really done a number on him.

Jay returned from his shower feeling slightly better; his hair was now clean and neatly rolled into a towel like Evie had shown him and he felt a lot less stiff. Jay was surprised when he opened the door to see Carlos on his bed, nervously fiddling with a small bit of wire. He must have known Jay was there, but the freckled boy kept his eye on the wire.

“Hey Jay,” Carlos’s voice was small and he seemed entranced by his hands, “Did you sleep ok last night?”

“Yeah,” Jay said calmly to try and not upset his friend. He didn’t understand why Carlos seemed scared.

“What kind of gem did you get?” Carlos asked, eyes still on the wire.

“I don’t know, I was too tired to look,” Jay picked up the small box tied in twine. He wanted Carlos to look up so he could figure out what was going on, “Why don’t you open it?”

Jay tossed the package to Carlos, who didn’t look up and so was hit in the head. Jay winced- he should have aimed a few inches in front of Carlos’s lap.

“Sorry.”

Carlos looked up as he grabbed the package, and Jay was now sure he was nervous. Carlos began to slide off the twine. Jay debated whether getting dressed now would make things more or less awkward.

Carlos pulled out a blue green stone that light immediately sparkled through as he read the inside of the lid.

“It’s aquamarine,” Carlos said, and Jay could feel the tightness in his friend’s voice.

Jay frantically tried to recall anything from last night that was unusual- besides seeing Jim and Carlos at the chocolate fountain he hadn’t seen a thing. Jay had spent the whole time he’d been on the memory potion in that locked cave so he couldn’t have made a move on Carlos.

Carlos was chewing his lip, having returned the stone to the box.

“Cool,” Jay felt the word hang in the air awkwardly. Carlos was back to winding the wire round and round, “What did you get?”

“A garnet.”

The only thing Jay knew about both their stones was that they weren’t as expensive as some of the ones his dad had talked on and on about. Of course, both were nicer than pretty much anything on the Isle of the Lost. Jafar had once tried to teach Jay how to assess the value of a gemstone, but with no real ones to practice on- Jafar had finally given up. None of that information was going to make it any easier to talk to Carlos.

Unable to handle just standing there any longer, Jay headed over to his drawers to select a fresh set of clothes. He got dressed quickly in the silence, wondering what he should say. After redoing his towel, he turned to Carlos.

“What’s on your mind, bro?” Jay tried to say as casually as possible. He hesitated right near Carlos’s bed, unsure if he should do something-he hated seeing Carlos looks so nervous. He wanted to hug him to make it all better.

Carlos twisted and untwisted the wire a few times. “I wanted to, uh, talk to you about something.”

“Of course,” Jay couldn’t handle it anymore. He sat down on the bed a few inches away from Carlos. Carlos continued to stare at the little strip of wire.

“What would you think if I- well, I mean, I’ve been thinking that maybe, if it’s ok with you, like if it doesn’t hurt your feelings…” Carlos wavered unsure.

“I’m a tough guy, just lay it on me- I can take it,” Jay knew there was no way whatever Carlos was going to say was going to be that mean. In fact, probably he was going to just point out something that was completely Jay’s fault.

“Ok. Yeah. Well, I was wondering if you wanted to have your own room?” Carlos tensed as if he thought something was going to happen.

Jay stared at Carlos blankly, though of course Carlos couldn’t tell because he was avoiding eye contact with him. After few minutes of silence, Carlos continued.

“See- I was thinking of moving in with Jim,” his voice raised like he was asking a question.

Jay felt like the words had knocked him off the bed, “What?”

He instantly wished his tone hadn’t sounded so harsh as Carlos flinched. He tried to diffuse the situation.

“I barely get to see you at all anymore, Carlos. I, mean, I know you to are in love and all and meant to be. It’s just that…It’s just…” Jay couldn’t put it into words and he already knew what he was trying to get across was crazy and selfish. Jay wanted to scream but instead he just stifled the sound in his throat. Jay tried again, balling his fist in his lap, feeling his voice rising as he inwardly began to panic, “Carlos, I don’t understand. Aren’t we friends? I’ve always tried to be there for you and I just- I mean, I know, I’m not perfect and I can be messy but I thought we were- It’s just like everything’s changed since the Isle of the Lost. I don’t understand and it just makes me so-”

Carlos looked up and Jay and he instantly blanked out on what he was going to say next. Carlos looked- defeated. Jay hadn’t seen that look in Carlos’s eyes since the island.

“You can hit me,” Carlos said gently.

“Don’t say that Carlos,” Jay could not keep the horror out of his voice.

“I mean, it. I hurt you- you can hurt me back,” Carlos’s voice seemed completely out of sync with his words, like he was saying the most natural thing in the world.

“Why would you say that? I care about you, I’m not going to do that,” Jay couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He was going to kill Cruella if he ever saw her again for screwing her son up like this, “I’m not Cruella. Why would you want me to hurt you?”

“I just want to make it better,” Carlos sounded less calm now. He looked away from Jay as he hugged himself tightly, “I don’t know what to do, Jay. I don’t want you to hate me. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Well,” Jay took a deep breath, reminding himself that swearing would contradict the fact he was trying to prove he wasn’t upset, “I’ll be fine as long as you aren’t expecting me to punish you. Yeah, I’m a little upset, but it was mostly surprise. I would never hate you.”

Carlos was just sitting there huddled up and shaking. Jay reached out for the other boy and wrapped him in a hug. He held Carlos for a few moments until Carlos seemed to calm down.

“I just want you to be happy, Carlos. If that means you moving in with Jim, I’m fine with it,” Jay said softly.

“You are too good to me Jay,” Carlos still sounded on the brink of tears.

“Don’t say that,” Jay knew there was something else he had to say. “You scared me though- just because I’m mad doesn’t mean I get to hurt you. Or that I’d even want to. It’s because of Cruella you’re thinking like this…You do know it was wrong of Cruella to hurt you like that?”

Jay shifted Carlos around so he could see his face. Carlos promptly looked down at mattress. Jay wished he could just kiss the pain away like they did in the fairytales, but he was no prince. That was Jim’s job.

“Right?” Jay wasn’t going to give up until Carlos talked about this.

“Yeah, well, it’s just hard. I mean sometimes it’s easy to know what she did was wrong, but other times…Things get better after someone get mad. You know, some people just have to blow off steam and I’m a strong person. I mean- isn’t that what love is? Being able to care about someone no matter what their faults?”

“Cruella was a bad mother; you’re not obligated to love her. I don’t really know what love is but I can guarantee you that’s not it.”

Carlos was crying, “It’s just- my mom didn’t love me. At all, I never really wanted to believe it was true, but those stupid gargoyles confirmed it. I mean, what if I’m just unlovable?”

“Don’t say that,” Jay desperately wished the voice in his head would shut up. Now was definitely not the time to bring up his feelings for Carlos. There was a way better option out there, “Jim loves you. Don’t worry about Cruella and the past. Focus on your future- you have a handsome prince with a castle, lands, and riches who is so in love with you he wants you to move in. If that’s not a fairytale ending, I don’t know what is. Don’t let me get in your way. We’ll still be friends; we don’t have to be roommates.”

Carlos was still crying. Jay stroked the other boy’s hair gently. As he did, Jay realized for the first time that he really did love Carlos. It wasn’t just an obsession or crush or wayward lust. He would care for Carlos even if he never got any of the things his wild imagination wanted. Jay had kept telling himself he didn’t understand what love was but he knew he had just been running from the truth. The worst part was, Jay knew he was never going to get to tell Carlos. Carlos wouldn’t love him back but Carlos would never forgive himself for breaking Jay’s heart even accidently. Carlos finally stopped crying.

“Thanks, Jay,” Carlos said leaning against Jay.

“Anytime, buddy,” Jay smiled. “When do you move?”

“Not sure yet. Technically, Jim needs to ask the Fairy Godmother’s permission on Monday. Maybe the end of the week?”

“Ok,” Jay said though he felt the opposite. He’d be good though and not tell Carlos what he felt. Wanting what’s best for someone else sucked.


	31. Chapter 31

“Can we pretend to be someone else during this exercise?” Jay asked.

The Fairy Godmother raised her eyebrow and Jay raised his hand belated, “Can we?”

“You are supposed to be practicing genuine compliments. It isn’t genuine if you are pretending to be someone else,” said the Fairy Godmother. “We’ll switch pairs when the timer dings. Begin.”

Jay shuffled his chair around to face Carlos. Four more days until his best friend moved out. Stupid Fairy Godmother with her stupid favoritism towards stupid princes. Plus he had say something nice to Carlos right now, which shouldn’t be hard- but ever since he found out his true feelings for his best friends he’d been terrified Carlos would figure it out. If anything was going to expose Jay, he didn’t want it to be in front of the Fairy Godmother in a classroom.

“I guess, I’ll go first,” said Carlos. Jay could feel the Fairy Gomother behind him, listening in on their conversation. “Jay you are such a strong person. Not just physically, but in your identity and your character. You stand by your friends and are confident in yourself. I wish I could be more like that but I’m not-“

Fairy Godmother interrupted, “Carlos, don’t make it about yourself just focus on Jay’s qualities.”

“Umm, yeah, sorry… You are confident in yourself… and you never focus on past hurts or wrongs. I admire that.”

Jay was surprised Carlos thought he had inner strength, since Jay felt like his inner self was very confused and unsteady. Plus Carlos was way tougher than Jay on the inside- he had to be to have survived Cruella and still been so nice. The Fairy Godmother coughed discretely, cuing Jay to accept the compliment.

“Thank you. I appreciate your kind words,” Jay said glancing at the board for the appropriate phrase. He heard the sound of Fairy Godmother moving to the other side of their classroom.

“I didn’t really understand it, until we got here- and before I would have thought of it as an insult- but you are a kind person, Carlos. What’s amazing is you’ve always been that way. No one had to teach you. No one ever acted that way to you. You lived in a hard world but you didn’t harden your heart. I hope you don’t think of that as a weakness. Beyond being kind, you are ever hopeful. You never give up on a problem and you always find something to smile about and…. And… you are a strong person- only a strong person could have gone through what you have and still be a good person” Jay could feel himself getting carried away. He glanced over at the board, grateful his skin was unlike to betray the heat rising to his face. How was he supposed to end the compliment? “ I admire you for that.”

“You really think so?” Carlos seemed to be blinking back tears. “That I’m strong and good?”

“Of course, I do. Why would you ever think anything else?”

“Well, I just upset, um, people, sometimes. I mess up and end up hurting people I care about,” Carlos was looking at his lap and was nervously fiddling with one of his sleeves. Jay wished he knew what the right thing was to say- being good was so complicated.

“I don’t think it’s bad to make mistakes. I don’t think so at least,” Jay scratched his head, “ I think it might depend. Like how’d you hurt someone by messing up?”

“I don’t really think I should talk about it. It’s private and we’re in class.”

“What about later? If you want to that is. I just hate to see you worried.”

“Maybe…”

The timer rang and Fairy Godmother gestured at Mal and Carlos to switch seats. Carlos wiped his face quickly on his sleeve and headed over to sit with Evie. Mal sauntered over and plopped down.

“Why does being good have so many rules?” She sighed. She imitated Fairy Godmother’s voice, “Don’t compliment outer beauty, Mal, that’s superficial. I tried to explain I was complimenting Evie on her outfit because it shows her abilities as a designer but that woman is just always looking for something wrong with me, with us.”

“Yeah, we’re not very good at rules, are we?” Jay thought for a moment, “Speaking of good rules, if you hurt someone and didn’t mean to that doesn’t count, right?”

“Yeah, it depends on your intentions. What you do this time, Jay?”

“It’s not me. It’s Carlos.”

“Well if it was Carlos it definitely was an accident. That boy-he’s better with animals than a princess,” Mal chuckled, “even on the island he was terrible at being rotten.”

Jay was glad the hall monitor had finally checked on their room and sent Jim back to his room. Jay had pretended to be playing a videogame, but it had been hard to keep his focus with the packing going on in the background. Jim always seemed to find something wrong with the way Carlos was packing his stuff. It was like Jim didn’t realize the last time Carlos had packed he put his few things in a couple of trash bags.

“How do you put up with all that scolding?” The question was out of Jay’s mouth before he had time to think his words through.

“It’s not scolding. Jim’s trying to make me a better person,” Carlos said.

“I’m not really sure having to color coordinate the items you put in a box makes you a better person.”

A silence fell between the two boys and Jay wondered if he should have said what he did.

“It really matters to Jim, so it matters to me. I don’t want to upset him.”

“Are these the kind of mistakes you were talking about earlier? Because Jim’s got a really thin skin if he thinks you’re hurting him by doing things a different way than he would. Shouldn’t he just let it go?”

“ I don’t expect you to understand, Jay.”

“But I want to. Can we talk about it? It seems…” Jay searched for a kinder word than controlling, “overprotective.”

“Yeah, I suppose but he doesn’t mean any harm by it.”

“So he get judged by his intentions but you think you hurt him by accident?” Jay could see Carlos shutting down from the harshness of his tone. He took a deep breath, “Does he actually say that or do you just think that?”

There was a long pause. Carlos pursed his lips the way he did when he was about to lie.

“Carlos, does he actually tell you that you hurt him? I’m not saying it’s bad. I know communication is important. I’m just trying to see where you got this idea from.”

“Well, sometimes he says it. Other times I guess it might be in my head. It’s just…. I wish I could stop. I want to be good. I don’t want to hurt him.”

Jay fumbled around his pockets hoping he had a tissue. Of course, he didn’t. Beyond Carlos, Jay could see a box of tissues on Carlos’s bedside table. He crossed the space between their beds and grabbed the tissue box sitting beside Carlos.

“ We all make mistakes, Carlos. I, mean, we know that King Beast did- and he’s in charge. Jim’s just letting you know how he feels. He doesn’t think you’re a bad person because of it. You’re still good.”

Carlos continued to cry and sniffle, leaning against Jay. Jay rubbed his back.

“If this is upsetting you so much- ask Jim. He’ll say the same thing I did.”

“That’s the problem, Jay. He won’t.”

“That’s not true, C. Anybody can see you’re good. You’re beating yourself up about nothing.”

“You’re just saying that because you’re my friend and because you’re still learning what good is.”

“I might not understand all the rules but I know what goodness is because of you.”

“That doesn’t make sense. I’m afraid I’m irredeemable. I’ll never be good enough.”

Jay waited while Carlos blew his nose a few times and Took some deep breaths. For a second, it looked like he was going to stop crying but then another tear rolled down his cheek. Jay brushed it away.

“Has anyone ever said you will never be good enough?”

“Yes.”

“I mean in Auradon, once we helped save the kingdom. I know people were suspicious of us at first. Since then, has anyone said that?”

“Yeah.”

“Who would say a thing like that? Chad?”

“No. Jim.”


	32. Chapter 32

Jay couldn’t believe what Carlos had just said.

“Like what exactly did Jim say? You’re sure you didn’t misunderstand it?”

Carlos retreated from Jay’s shoulder, tucking his knees up under his chin and grasping his legs tightly. Otherwise he didn’t respond.

Jay continued, “I’m sure he was just angry- probably not even about you- and it came out. Please, just tell me. I can’t see you upset like this. I’m not judging you or Jim. We all say things we don’t really mean sometimes or we overthink something someone said. Just tell me what happened and I bet we can figure out what he really meant. What’d he say?”

“I don’t really remember. I mean, the things all get kind of jumble2?d together.”

Jay was shocked. Did Carlos mean this was more than one situation? That it had happened enough someone as smart as Carlos couldn’t keep them straight? Carlos wasn’t the dramatic type- he didn’t exaggerate to get sympathy. Jay wasn’t even sure what to say next, he was way out of his depth. He didn’t want to pry into Carlos’s private life but something was deeply wrong. Years of friendship with the smaller boy had taught him Carlos was likely to shoulder his burdens alone. That was probably the reason Carlos hadn’t said anything to Jim. Probably the prince had no clue that he was saying things to upset Carlos.

Unbidden, a selfish thought crossed Jay’s mind. Maybe if Jim didn’t find out Carlos was upset, Jim wouldn’t fix the situation and Carlos would eventually dump the prince. And then Jay could have Carlos to himself. Yet, Jay knew that would be wrong. He had to help Carlos sort out whatever was going on so that the other boy could make his own decision.

The silence must have prompted Carlos to continue talking, because after a couple tries he managed to speak through his tears, “The worst part is sometimes I think there’s something wrong with Jim, not me, but that’s just crazy right? That he likes seeing me in pain. But he cares about me, he loves me. I know he does.”

Carlos kept talking but Jay couldn’t help going back to thinking about the word pain.

“What do you mean he likes to see you in pain?”

“It’s nothing really. I mean- it’s just sometimes he seems,” a bright red color rose on Carlos’s pale face. “well, turned on by it.”

Suddenly a random flash of what seemed like a memory appeared in his mind, the deadly calm of Jim’s voice and the tangy smell of fear from Carlos, his muscles straining as he tried to get to his friend’s side. Jay closed his eyes trying to focus on the fragment as it retreated away. It felt so real- but it had to be a dream.

“You don’t want to hear about this,” Carlos said.

“No, I do. I mean, I don’t want to, because, well, some things I’d rather not…What I mean to say is… If it’s something you need to talk about it, we can talk.” Jay knew he had clarify something, to settle his own thoughts. “Is this physical pain or emotional?”

“It doesn’t really matter does it? Jim wouldn’t like me talking about this stuff.”

“It matters to me, C. I don’t care what Jim wants. What matters is what you want, what you like. That’s all I care about. You.” Jay was breathing heavily. If that asshole had hurt Carlos after implying Jay was holding Carlos back, Jay would wipe that ever-pleasant smile off his privileged prince face.

“I don’t want to upset you. It’s just- I know you, Jay, and I can’t have you hurting Jim. And I know you’d want to if- if-”

“If what?” Jay tried to sound less murderous.

“If you knew. And then you’d be sent back to the Isle of the Lost. Our parents are trapped there and they’ll kill you. I can’t lose you, Jay. Promise me you won’t. If I tell you, you promise you won’t touch him.”

Jay didn’t like the idea of unilaterally promising not to pummel Jim without knowing what was going on but Jay had to know. He knew whatever he’d think up in his head would be way worse. “Okay. I promise I will not do anything to Jim. Just tell me what’s going on.”

“It’s usually words The rest of it is mostly by accident. Jim lashes out when I upset him. He doesn’t mean to, it’s my fault really. Like when we were arguing about what do for the weekend and my arm got broken. It couldn’t have been on purpose. I mean, it wasn’t on purpose. Jim just overreacted.”

Jay bit back a swear word, “He broke your arm?”

“Accidently.”

“You said the rest- so there was more than just that time?”

“Yeah a few more times. Not many. He always apologizes after.”

Jay tried to keep his emotions in check. He’d never regretted a promise so quickly. This wasn’t a misunderstanding and it was way worse than he had imagined. Jim was intentionally hurting Carlos. Because if it had truly been an accident, why had Jim made up a completely different reason for Carlos’s injury? Who would break someone’s arm to make sure to get their way? If he wasn’t going to be able to use his fists, he still needed to make sure Carlos could see the truth of the situation.

“It’s not an apology if he doesn’t change his behavior. Can’t you see how messed up this is? You do something- accidently- and you get punished but that’s an accident? Somehow it’s your fault? That sounds cruel to me, Carlos. You deserve better.”

Carlos shook his head and avoided Jay’s intense stare.

“Look at me, C, please, “ Jay wanted to reach out and touch Carlos’s chin, “You deserve someone who treasures you. Someone who forgives the mistakes you make. I don’t know why Jim is acting the way he is but it’s not your fault or your responsibility.”

“What can I do? I’ve tried my best and it’s not enough.”

Jay thought of his mother, so desperate to fix his father she joined him in his banishment. Yet Jafar had never loved her.

“Maybe- it’s best to just walk away.”

“I wish I could but- Jim would never accept that.”

“I will be here for you. And, if you want, I can tell Mal and Evie. You shouldn’t be afraid.”

“But what am I going to do? I’m all approved to move out. I can’t tell, Fairy Godmother. I can’t betray him like that.”

Jay really felt like the Fairy Godmother should know what had been going on, but he supposed it was Carlos’s decision. “We’ll figure it out. I just want you to be safe.”

The younger boy once again slumped against Jay exhausted. Jay stroked Carlos’s white-tipped hair, knowing it would help to calm them both. Carlos drifted off to sleep rather quickly, but Jay remained awake trying to control the anger inside of him. Carlos had been right- he would kill Jim if given half a chance. But Carlos was also right that if he did, Jay would get a one way ticket back to where they’d came from. And Carlos had said he couldn’t lose Jay. Jay needed to focus on that- what Carlos needed. He would find a way to keep Carlos safe without breaking his word.


	33. Chapter 33

“So what do you need to talk to me about, just the two of us?”

“Ben, is there, um, some kind of level at which someone here in Auradon would be considered a villain?” Jay asked, “You know, and sent to the island with all the villains?”

“Jay, I will never let any of you return to the Isle of Lost unless that is what you want. You are under my protection, and I’m the king so what I say goes,” Ben finished a bit sheepishly. “Not that I’d ever abuse my power.”

“I wasn’t really talking about us VKs.” Jay had a flash of inspiration, “You know what if someone- not you- abused their power or like intentionally hurt someone for the fun of it? Is there a point at which they’d be too bad to remain here in Auradon?”

“I don’t think so,” Ben seemed lost in thought for a moment. “I suppose my parents figured once we kicked all the villains out- there’d be no more problems. It sounds a little silly to say it out loud but it has worked for the last couple of decades. What are you worried about?”

“I’ve got my reasons,” Jay smiled slyly, not wanting to lie to a friend. When Ben’s brow crinkled in concerns he hastily added, “One of which is curiosity, wanting to be prepared for anything.”

“Well, if you really want to find out you can use a computer to search the statutes database. You should be able to access it from the library.”

“Right. Maybe if I have time…” Jay didn’t want to sound overly eager. He turned to head out of the room, “Thanks, man.”

Jay tried not to look in too much of a hurry as he headed towards the library. Sending bad guys to the Isle of the Lost seemed to be the Auradonian solution to problems, and he was hoping it’d work in this case. However, an hour of reading through the arcane wording of statutes containing the key words “Isle of the Lost” turned up nothing useful. Lots of legal decrees about the current inhabitants of the island and their situation but little on shipping a new person to the island. Jay then tried entering in crimes and punishment. Everything that came up was about the villains. Surely there had to be some misbehavior worthy of being put into law in Auradon? He’d try asking Evie for help in searching the database.

“Treason,” Evie said. She’d been reading through several sections and taking notes for a mind-numbingly long time, “It’s never stated in as many words but it’s the crime the villains were accused of. As far as I can tell that would send someone to the Isle.”

“Why about being a horrible person?” Jay asked hopefully.

“Definitely not, Auradon citizens have the right to rehabilitation under that law.”

“Rehabilitation?”

“Community service, counseling, and so on. Support to get better. I mean that’s implied too. Ben actually had to make us citizens to allow us to come here, to give us the right to become better,” Evie tapped her notebook decisively.

“We weren’t citizens before?” Jay had not listened very well in history but he had always thought citizens was just another word for people.

“We were not. No one on the island is, otherwise, they’d have rights like here on Auradon- the right to nourishment, shelter, clean water, well-being, protection-“

Jay cut her off, “I get it. I mean I lived life on the island- anything we didn’t have was guaranteed basically.”

“Basically,” Evie said in defeated tone that matched Jay’s.

Jay couldn’t see a way out. Killing Jim would be treason, and Ben wouldn’t be able to protect him though he sincerely doubted the king’s ability to protect him if he stepped too far out of line. Even if he could bring Jim’s behavior to the authority’s the best that would happen is this rehabilitation nonsense. The plan had relied on someone believing Jay in this first place. This was a dung heap of a situation.

“What’s the obsession with this anyway?” Evie twisted a blue curl as she spoke.

“It’s not an obsession,” Jay snapped.

“Sure,” Evie’s voice sounded like she was rolling her eyes, “You just stared at me staring at a computer screen for a few hours. Either you’re obsessed with me or you’re obsessed with sending someone to the Isle of the Lost and we both know you’re not obsessed with me.”

“It was just a stupid idea,” Jay tried to sound dismissive.

“It will remain that way unless you tell me what is going on Jay,” Evie said with all the testiness of a queen. “If you want my help I need more details about this idea.”

“Let’s say, we wanted to stop someone from getting hurt by another person,” Jay said, “but we need to make sure it’s gonna work because otherwise the situation’s gonna just get worse. And don’t say telling- because I’ve got no way to prove it.”

Jay could tell Evie’s mind was quickly turning the problem over in her head as she seemed almost frozen in though other than her finger slowly wrapping and unwrapping a strand of her hair.

“Who’s hurting, C?” She finally asked.

“I never said it was him,” Jay said quickly.

Evie sighed, “If it was anyone but a VK, they would have already told Fairy Godmother about the problem. Now us villain kids, we’d be worried the problem would be turned back on us. So, it’s got be one of us- it’s not you and I know it’s not me. Mal wouldn’t be able to help it- she’d probably magic someone in that kind of a situation. So, it’s Carlos. Who’s hurting him? I have a right to know- I’m his friend too.”

Jay wasn’t sure if Carlos wanted it to be kept a secret from Mal or Evie. He messed with his hair, “Can you just worry about the solving part and I’ll worry about the who?”

“If you really want, we can try that but I can’t promise half my mental energy won’t be spent trying to work it out. Or I could just ask him.”

“Don’t you dare ask Jim,” Jay said roughly.

“I didn’t say that,” she paused. Her eyes widened. “No,” her voice trailed off.

Evie usually saw through his lies so he’d try a half-truth, “Jim wouldn’t understand. It’s a VK thing.”

Evie slammed down her note book, “You have got to tell me, Jay. It’s can’t be as bad as what I’m imagining. I mean they’ve been alone together so often. What has he been doing?”

Jay hesitated as Evie’s eyes bore into him. Carlos hadn’t wanted to say anything to the Fairy Godmother, surely Evie would be ok? He glanced around, the library still seemed pretty empty and the librarian’s desk was far away.

“I’m not sure exactly,” Jay admitted in a whisper, “I have no proof like I said, it was more like a conversation with Carlos. I know there’s been some physical stuff- though I think that’s rare. I’m not even sure that’s the worst part. Jim’s got C’s mind all twisted up the way our parents did. But maybe that’s on Carlos,? I’m not sure. You know how we all have started changing since we got away from our parents? Carlos got more confident, his smarts showed, all that stuff. But lately, it’s like he’s collapsing back- and I think it’s Jim’s fault.”

The two fell into silence for a few minutes.

“Carlos won’t just leave him,” Evie said, “If you’re right about the manipulating.”

Jay was surprised her words made him tear up when telling her his suspicions hadn’t.

“No,” he said quietly.

“We have got to tell Mal,” Evie said.

“Ok, but no one else. I’m not sure C wanted anyone to know- not even me,” Jay sighed.

“We’ll save him. Don’t worry,” Evie whispered fiercely.


	34. Chapter 34

“Mal, while swearing is all well and good, let’s move on to something more productive, shall we?” Evie said calmly.

Jay found telling Mal no easier than Evie, it only made him feel more helpless.

“Why isn’t murder an option again?” Mal asked testily.

“You mean the option where we are all sent back to the Isle of the Lost to be murdered by our dear parents? An option that includes us being unsuccessful and still banished and Carlos is left here to fend for himself,” Evie rebutted.

“Carlos made me promise I couldn’t hurt Jim,” Jay added.

“Well, I promised nothing,” Mal stomped over to her bag and pulled out the spell book, flicking through the pages furiously. “See, the book is with me.”

She named the spell on each page she stopped on, “A poison that suffocates the victim leading to death, cursing an object so that contact with it will cause the skin to peel leading to death, a charm that will block his intestines leading to death… Need I continue?”

“Show me that last one,” Evie said with a smile.

Mal offered her the book which Evie promptly shut and handed to Jay.

“You open it, Jay. You have Carlo’s best interest at heart,” Evie said encouragingly. She turned her gaze to Mal, “Rather than murder.”

Jay took the spell book, turning it around to face him. He almost felt like wishing to find a spell to stop Jim before he opened it, but it wasn’t like many of his wishes had come true. He flipped the book open scanning the left-hand page.

“What’d you get?” Mal asked coolly.

“It’s truth serum,” Jay couldn’t hide the disappointment in his voice. “It’s easier to make then my last spell, but I don’t think it’s going to do a whole lot of good.”

“When C’s safe we’ll have a talk about this “spell” you found in my book without my permission,” Mal’s eyes glinted slightly as she took the spell book from him, “but for now we’ll figure out how to drug Jim with this serum.”

Evie tried to mollify Jay, “A truth serum won’t be useless- you were worried about people believing you and about what’s really going on. A truth serum should get us both.”

“We can try,” Jay conceded. “What are we going to do, pour it into his drink when he’s not looking?”

“That’s too risky,” Evie said, “There are so many people in the cafeteria. Maybe we could have another game night?”

“Sure, but we’ll still have to slip it in his cup,” Jay said.

“No, we won’t,” Mal looked up from the book, “We’ll have it in all the drinks we’ll all drink it.”

“Yeah right, Mal. I read the spell too- it seems powerful. It’s not just no lying it seems to take away the person’s filter entirely- so the truth can’t be held back. I don’t think we should all be spilling our secrets that night.”

“Clearly you didn’t read the whole thing,” Mal countered. “There’s an antidote listed below. There’s even a not saying it can be taken ahead of time so the serum will have no effect.”

“So we’ll all take the antidote except Jim,” Evie said excitedly. “Will tape his confession or just escort him to the Fairy Godmother for questioning?”

“I’m not sure the Fairy Godmother will take it seriously enough,” Jay said. “What I want is to make sure we keep Jim as far away from Carlos as possible.”

“We could blackmail him,” Mal suggested, “Tape it and tell him we’ll broadcast it to Auradon if he so much as breathes on Carlos again.”

“It has to be before Carlos moves in with him, maybe we can say it’s a moving party?” suggested Evie.

As they continued to craft their plan, Jay felt slightly uneasy. Creating the serum involved blood- that was powerful and dark stuff. Still, he couldn’t just watch while his best friend suffered- it wasn’t right. What they were planning might not be good, but it was necessary and he’d deal with the consequences when they came.

“It’s moving day!” Carlos said with forced cheer.

Jay nodded trying to conceal his nerves. It was tonight or never.

“Got you chocolate,” Jay said as he tossed the bar over.

“Gross! You already unwrapped it!”

“I know you’ll eat it anyway,” Jay teased. Of course, the bar had to have been unwrapped so he could dip it in the antidote. The girls had presented a convincing argument for keeping the younger boy in the dark. After all, they all how easily confused loyalties become around highly manipulative people.

“Tastes a bit funny,” Carlos mentioned between bites.

“Don’t eat then,” Jay said sarcastically.

“Too late,” Carlos grinned up at Jay.

“You’ve got a bit of chocolate on your face, here,” Jay indicated to the side of his own mouth.

Carlos attempted to lick the spot rather than using his hand. What a goofball, Jay thought. Perhaps he was wrong about the situation after all.

“You look worried, Jay.”

“I don’t want you to leave,” Jay said, his voice revealing more pain than he’d have liked.

“If it’s about what I told you,” Carlos chewed his lip a bit, uncomfortable, “You don’t have to worry. We talked it over. You were right it was just a misunderstanding. We really talked about it and he feels bad. He’s trying to change- he just gets anxious and stuff. He really opened up to me and told me how stressful it is to have to live up to all his parents’ expectations. I mean none’s perfect- and he’s expected to be.”

Jay tried to keep the pleading out of his voice, “I just want you to be safe and happy.”

Jay knew he should probably tell Carlos the plan or not place the serum in his back pocket in with the punch mix tonight but he couldn’t do either. If Jim had told the truth, there was no harm in verifying it.

Jay cleared his throat, “The girls will be over in a few minutes to help move boxes and one we’re done, we’ll celebrate.”


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s going to be non-Disney Channel language in this chapter, aka swearing.

“I think we should play a different game now,” Evie smiled sweetly, “Two Truths and A Lie.”

Jay and Mal quickly voiced their enthusiasm as the potion should be kicking in any time but Jim seemed to hesitate.

“When exactly are Ben and Doug getting here?” Jim inquired.

“What are you scared you’re going to lose?” Jay challenged. Jim always seemed to be on his case, maybe turning the tables.

“Not really, I rarely lose. Most people don’t have what it takes to win,” Jim responded calmly as he sat, indicating that Carlos should sit next to him with a pat.

Evie, Mal, and Jay exchanged a look was that an honest answer or just bluster? They quickly arranged themselves on the floor, Mal sitting directly across from Jim; Jay between Carlos and Mal; and Evie next to Jim. Mal had magicked her phone invisible to others and attached it to her jacket. She pretended to dust some lint off of her lapel, as she pushed the button to record.

“Everyone knows the rules, right? Tell three statements, one of which is a lie. Everyone else gets to ask you one follow up question to try and figure out the lie and then we all vote. Whoever identifies the most lies wins. I’ll start and then we go to the left,” Evie stated. Once everyone had nodded in agreement she continued: “I learned how to sew when I was five years old. I hate the sound of knuckles being cracked. I am in the process of patenting a chemical dye I invented.”

Evie’s tone never wavered and she looked evenly ahead the entire time she spoke, though Jay didn’t really care he just wanted to ask Jim some questions. He really hoped the truth would set them free, as the Fairy Godmother was always saying. It seemed much more likely that while Jay’s suspicions might publicly be confirmed, Jim seemed like the type who could slip out of any situation- just like his father had.

Jay suddenly noticed everyone was looking at him when Mal gave him a quick jab in the side.

“Uhh… Evie, if you hate hearing knuckles being cracked why don’t you get annoyed when Mal and I do it?” Jay asked.

“If I did, wouldn’t you both do it more often?” Evie answered him with her own question.

Jay was pretty positive he’d caught the lie. While what Evie had said made sense, revealing her dislike now would carry the same risk as telling them earlier.

“What was your first sewing project?” Mal queried.

“An apron, so I wouldn’t mess up my outfits while learning to cook.”

After a few seconds consideration, Mal called for a vote. Everyone raised their hand for statement number two and Evie confirmed they were correct. Jay felt tension build in his chest as they moved on to Jim. What if what he said hurt Carlos? What if Carlos chose to stay with Jim anyways? Jay took a quick breath to control himself so he could actually listen to what was being said.

Jim began, “Life has always been pretty boring though it’s been a bit more interesting since you four showed up.” He took a quick gulp from his cup, almost seeming to want to cut himself off from talking. “I have a twin sister, Alana, who is nothing like me. I can’t believe I’m related to anyone in my family actually.” Jim’s eyes seemed to widen a bit, and Jay suddenly wondered if this was the first real emotion he’d seen on the prince’s face. Jim took a bite of food as if to slow himself down. “I think something’s wrong with me.”

“Do you need to go to the nurse or something?” asked Carlos, his voice rising in concern.

“Well that was a waste of a question, wasn’t it?” Jim slapped away Carlos’s hand and the smaller boy retreated a bit,”I don’t want to go to the nurse.The last thing I need is to be around an adult right now. I must be drunk or something. Stuff is just slipping out, but I can still beat you four at this game.”

Carlos darted a pleading look at Jay, obviously wanting his friend to call off the game. Jay couldn’t though, it seemed like Jim was honest as h was going to get and Jay wasn’t going to waste time seeing how long the serum lasted.

Trying to act as if the game was still fun, Jay asked the question that had popped into his mind as soon as Jim had started talking, “You said life got interesting when we arrived. Why?”

“Come on look around you- this is happily ever after. Everyone’s so nice, so happy. There’s no challenge to manipulating them. Sure I can make Punzie cry but a few minutes later she’ll just ask her parents if she’s really all that bad and she’ll be back to her perky self. You four, on the other hand. You put all this armor up. Usually, I know what makes someone tick right after we meet, not so with you VKs. The best part is once I really looked though, there was so much there. Underneath it all you all, are so damaged and frightened. You especially, C.” Jay felt his temper rise at someone outside of their friend group using the nick name, “You wouldn’t go crying to someone if bad stuff happened. I could finally do things that the adults would get me in trouble for but you wouldn’t complain. Even now I know you hate me saying this to your friends, but you won’t tell me to stop. Will you?”

“But I will. Stop it,” Jay interrupted. Jim seemed a bit disorientated and actually did shut up. “Carlos, are you ok?”

Carlos looked up from his lap. He seemed to be keeping a hold of himself. “What is going on?” Carlos directed his question at the four.

“We want to get to the bottom of what’s going on between you and Jim,” Jay said. They probably should have let Carlos know all along, “We, well, I think Jim’s been twisting the truth. Saying things are your fault even though it isn’t.”

“Well, it really is Carlos’s fault,” Jim said, using the same tone with which someone might comment on the weather. “He has all these feelings. He is weak. You’d think a villain’s son would have discovered the secret.”

“What secret?” Mal asked, her eyes a threatening neon green.

“It’s all pretend. You only have to act like you care, so to keep all the idiots around you from realizing that if they too stopped caring, they could actually live for once. Once you can get someone to like you, then you can get whatever you want If you really care about what they think, then you give all your power away. I’m in control because I don’t let the stupid rules and emotions get in the way.”

“Screw you, Jim,” Carlos said angrily. “What in Hades name made you more fucked up than us?”

Jim laughed, “Oh, normally I’d give some BS answer about the pressure of having to be the perfect prince.” His voice became overly pitiful as he impersonated the situation, “I’ve been really anxious lately. How will I ever measure up to my mommy and daddy? I worry no one will love me if I make even the tiniest mistake. It’s so hard. Alana never does anything wrong. Everyone likes her better.” His voice returned to Jim’s normal tone, “Honestly, I’ve always been this way. I’m lucky. I see the world how it really is.”

Jay struggled to remain seated. Violence on tape would mess up the whole blackmail situation. He glanced at Carlos who seemed at loss, unsure whether to remain angry or to forgive.

“Did you break Carlos’s arm?” Mal said. She was moving on to the list of prepared questions. Motivations were all well and good but if they didn’t have a confession, it was just a rant.

“Yes.” Jim seemed a bit proud of this. “Still, don’t know why I am telling you any of this. Is it some kind of spell.”

Mal ignored him, asking, “ Why?”

“Because he wasn’t doing what I wanted, it was the only way to get my way.”

“It wasn’t an accident?” Carlos asked in surprise.

“Of course not.”

Jay tried to radiate comfort, unsure if he should touch Carlos or not.

“C,” he spoke softly as Mal continued her questions, “Is it ok we’re doing this?”

Carlos nodded.

“Do you want to go outside? We’ve got a long list of questions but you don’t have to hear it all. We can leave. I’ll go with you. The girls can handle themselves.”

Carlos considered for a moment before nodding. Jay and Carlos got to their feet. Jim barely seemed to notice the difference, the spell description had said the serum caused the victim to be unable to focus on multiple things at once, as the distraction was counterproductive. Jay and Carlos walked down the corridor in silence, out of the dorms, and into a small, empty courtyard.

“What the hell, Jay,” Carlos hissed. “You couldn’t just leave it alone. Instead, you went to Mal and Evie and the three of you have some plan. You didn’t bother to ask me if I wanted any of this. Who cares about Carlos’ opinion! He’s too stupid and weak to notice his boyfriend is a psycho. We’ve got to go save him.”

“We didn’t mean it like that,” Jay protested.

“Well, you might not have meant to but seriously,” Carlos swore again. “ Do you think so little of me that you couldn’t let me in on it? You used magic, didn’t you? You think hearing all my pain’s going to change anything?”

Jay was unprepared for a sudden shove that sent him stumbling backward. When he regained his balance, Carlos was half slumped over.

“I didn’t mean to cause you pain,” Jay said unsure where to begin, “It’s just when we talked I felt like Jim had messed you up, that you couldn’t think clearly. I couldn’t bear seeing you that way. You’re right, I should have told you our plan in advance.”

Carlos looked up at Jay. “You were right,” said Carlos sadly, “I’m living some big lie. I was willing to stay no matter what the cost. I couldn’t think for myself.”

Jay took a step forward, opening his arms if Carlos wanted a hug.

“I just wanted to be loved,” Carlos said in a small voice. “Maybe I knew something was wrong, but I thought- I thought if I loved him enough it would change. Like in the fairytales. True love can change anything. So dumb.”

“I don’t think it’s dumb. I just don’t think Jim wanted to change.”

“Yeah.” Carlos sat down on a nearby bench. Jay sat next to him, waiting for the younger boy to work through his thoughts. A few minutes late Carlos finally spoke again, “How’d I manage to find the one villain in Auradon?”

“At least you’re acknowledging there are other people out there besides, Jim. I’m sure the next person you date will be way better.”

“Yeah.”

The friends sat in silence for quite a while.

“I can’t do it anymore, not after what he said,” Carlos sighed. “I feel like a failure but it’s over, isn’t it?”

“Well, I don’t think you’re the one who failed,” Jay said. “But I get that you feel that way. I’m sorry you had to hear that crap.”

“What did you three do anyway?” Carlos finally asked.

“Gave him a truth serum. Mal’s also recording the whole thing- so we can,” Jay stopped himself, “So you can decide what you want to do with that.”

Carlos considered, “Show it to the Fairy Godmother, I guess. Maybe she can help him.”

Jay wanted to tell Carlos help was the last thing Jim deserved but Jay had made enough unilateral decision for one day.

“How come we’re all not spouting the truth?” Carlos asked, “We all ate and drank the same stuff.”

“The rest of us had an antidote beforehand.”

“Do you think I’m an idiot for believing in Jim?”

“No,” Jay said. “He’s clearly fooled a lot of people before you. I think the same thing could have happened to any of us.”

“Well, we’d better go back up and make sure the girls are doing ok,” Carlos said with a bit more confidence than earlier.

Jay nodded in agreement and they headed back together.


End file.
